By now, I think we all understand the top 10 is a social construct. Every week, the Associated Press ranks college football teams for the chief purposes of adding weight to games and, perhaps more importantly, blatantly disrespecting your favorite team.

Therefore, it doesn’t really make sense to react strongly when a top-10 squad loses. If you’re a fan of a highly ranked team, you shouldn’t feel ashamed when your school blunders. Especially this early in the season. That being said — guys, can we talk for a sec?

Uh, what the hell was that? We need to chat.

No. 1 Alabama (beat Texas 20-19) nearly became the butt of the butt of the joke

I typically avoid casting aspersions on anyone who seems solid or who could realistically orchestrate a mob hit on me if they really wanted to. Nick Saban happens to fit both criteria.

That said, Alabama looked extremely sloppy and beatable Saturday. Texas’ Quinn Ewers was the clearly superior quarterback before he exited the game with an injury, and a controversial non-safety cost the Longhorns two points they probably deserved. Sill, Alabama quarterback Bryce Young was absolute money when he needed to be, and Texas squandered plenty of opportunities to widen its lead. Longhorn fans should feel optimistic, if a little disappointed.

Ultimately, there is truly nothing I could say to hurt the Tide worse than what they will experience during practice this week. Pray, Coach Saban, forgive them. They know not what they do.

No. 6 Texas A&M (lost to Appalachian State 17-14) should go to jail

Texas A&M hasn’t technically done anything illegal — the operative word being technically — but I still think the NCAA should cut, like, half its scholarships.

Aggies, do you think you deserve an elite recruiting class?

Look, I get it. It’s hard to move the ball against the vaunted App State defense. You know, the one that held North Carolina to a mere 567 offensive yards and 63 points last week. And it can be tough to host a Sun Belt team in your home stadium with only 102,000 fans cheering you on.

I’m not mad. I’m not even disappointed, really. This loss is extremely on-brand for A&M. I take back what I said about the scholarship limits. I think there’s a profound, almost cosmic beauty to an organization amassing that much money, talent, and resources to go 8-4.

No. 8 Notre Dame (lost to Marshall 26-21) is finally getting back to the good old days

When Notre Dame fans envision the glory days of the Fighting Irish, they think of names like Lou Holtz. Tony Rice. Ronald Reagan, weirdly for multiple reasons.

To me, old school Notre Dame football is purple-faced Brian Kelly. It’s the offensive coordinator formerly known as quarterback Tommy Rees. It’s a two-star Group of 5 quarterback shredding the Irish secondary.

Seeing Notre Dame lose to Sun Belt newcomer Marshall was pure nostalgia. When quarterback Tyler Buchner threw each of his two backbreaking interceptions, I felt like I was watching retired NBC anchor Brian Williams discuss the harrowing BP oil spill. When backup Drew Pyne entered and threw his own backbreaking interception, I could perfectly picture my local GM factory shuddering its doors during the recession.

It was peak Notre Dame football. You have nothing to apologize for, Irish. Onward to 7-5. Play like a Sun Bowl champion today!

No. 9 Baylor (lost to BYU, 26-20) is fine

Yeah, yeah, I know. This was a quality loss on the road against a good team. The ensuing disrespect from the media — whatever that means — will only propel you to greater heights. The hate fuels you, you’re at your deadliest when cornered, et cetera. Can’t wait to watch you extinguish your Playoff hopes against the fifth-best team in the Big 12, then somehow beat Oklahoma. Sic ‘em Bears.

Other Notes

Kansas (beat West Virginia 55-42)!

Not that we should be popping the champagne for beating the seventh-best FBS team in the Virginias, but this is huge for Kansas. Quarterback Jalon Daniels will probably get called “electric” by at least six different color commentators this year, and the Jayhawk defense is… also there. Kansas very well might be 2-10 come December, but there’s nothing wrong with a September to remember.

Oh my god, Nebraska (lost to Georgia Southern 45-42)

I hate to dwell on Nebraska, I really do. I took no joy in watching head coach Scott Frost lead the Cornhuskers to one-score loss after one-score loss, then grumble his way through a brutally uncomfortable postgame presser these last four years.

Do I find it humorous that he was fired a day after he lost to a team coached by Clay Helton, the man who wrote the book on hot seat endurance? Perhaps. But I am not here to celebrate someone losing their job. My heart shall weep as much as it can for a man who subjected me to 47 games of mostly awful football while receiving multiple millions of dollars to do so.

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