Tomorrow night, the Heisman Trophy will be awarded to the most outstanding player in college football. However, the Heisman isn’t the sport’s only prestigious honor. To commemorate the athletes and coaches who just missed out at the 31st annual Home Depot College Football Awards, we’ve listed the most flagrant snubs of the 2021 season.
Eddie Robinson FCS Coach of the Year
Tie: The most innovative FBS coach 15 years from now and the most innovative FBS coach 15 years ago
One is a young up-and-comer destined to take the big leagues by storm. Nobody could have plotted his meteoric rise through the industry with the slight exception of his famous head coach father, who meticulously plotted out his meteoric rise through the industry.
The other is a guy everyone was saying the exact same things about in 2007. Now he’s got everyone thinking, “Woah, I totally forgot about that dude,” and asking questions like, “Why isn’t he coaching for an FBS school anymore?” and “Which of his players did he hit to get fired?”
Campbell Trophy for Top Scholar-Athlete
Every Vanderbilt player, for their sake
There’s a reason Vanderbilt football’s average GPA never dips below its win total. It comes from staying sharp and never losing focus, no matter how much your memory has been damaged by concussions. And it comes from staying sharp and never losing focus, no matter how much your… your head really hurts for some reason.
Whenever a Commodore defensive back forgets his assignment on the field, rest assured he hasn’t forgotten about the one in his world humanities gen-ed. Just imagine how much that secondary must know about Yiddish ethnomusicology by now.
Oh, and all of them are majoring in communications. But like, super intense communications, probably.
Ray Guy Award for Most Outstanding Punter
Matt Campbell whenever coaching rumors surface
Ask Campbell if he’s interested in the newest hot job on the market, and he’ll reverse the field by denying the rumors and restating his love for the ‘Clones.
If you wonder how Campbell mastered this skill, simply think of how many times he has chosen not to risk a bigger, better opportunity. When it comes to pinning down your career, there’s no better coffin-corner punt than the Iowa State football program.
Frank Broyles Award for Best Assistant Coach
If there’s anything Nick Saban does better than crushing dreams it’s developing top-notch assistants, from current Georgia head coach Kirby Smart to current dumpster fire putter-outer Steve Sarkisian.
This year, no assistant was more crucial to the Tide’s success than the man responsible for cranking up the heat, dialing up a press, and ironing out the wrinkles for one of Saban’s most valuable assets — his crisply pleated, extremely loose-fitting khakis. Alabama DCs are no stranger to the Broyles award, and this guy can Dry Clean with the best of them.
Home Depot Coach of the Year
Brian Kelly’s dialect coach
Few people have had such a transformational effect in college football as the man who turned the human embodiment of an L.L. Bean quarter zip fleece into the hallmark of Creole culture we know today.
When approached for comment, this remarkable individual simply replied, “Brian Kelly is dead. It’s Braahun Kelleh now.”