Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly, who I saw on a Texas sideline once (but didn’t take this picture). Mack Brown has since blamed them for this season’s slide.

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• Since we last spoke, everybody has hired a new coach (image via). Ahem:

Florida convinced Texas DC Will Muschamp (and his wristband) to leave the Austin Tire Fire for the Gainesville Tire Fire. EDSBS’s Spencer Hall reacts and makes it about blowfish sushi. Of course he does.

Miami hired Solid Verbal Guest (and Temple coach) Al Golden. He once hosted a training video.

Northern Illinois hired Wisconsin DC Dave Doeren.

Vanderbilt seemed to have hired Auburn OC Gus Malzahn, but he’s apparently not in any sort of need of $3 million. Or something.

• Arkansas essentially re-hired coach Bobby Petrino and made it so only Qatar State can buy him out.

• Auburn QB Cam Newton deservedly won the Heisman Trophy and is a consensus All-American.

Butttttt, the Football Writers Association of America did an independent investigation, proved and confirmed that Newton knew about his father’s solicitation the entire time, and subsequently left him off their Harumph Harumph Almost All-American team. I just can’t find a link of their findings yet. Rest assured, though, I will!!!!!

Despite what he insisted, Urban Meyer may not be the picture of good health.

I don’t know if I’m pumped or bummed out by this screengrab of Cam Newton and LaMichael James. James is also not impressed by flying Dumbos.

• Hawaii is officially a Mountain West team. So there’s that.

• The Big Ten, in unveiling its new logo and division names, revealed themselves to be exactly what we mostly thought they were — uh, dorks.

• ESPN’s Pat Forde says Texas coach Mack Brown has an uphill battle this offseason, as he needs to hire two new coordinators. Part of the application has leaked and obviously, if you want one of those jobs, certainly check the box next to, “Comfortable under bus?”

• Penn State coach Joe Paterno can’t hear you. But he can run the day-to-day of and make important decisions instantly for a gigantic football program. Yep.

• Navy beat Army again. You’re probably pumped if you own a peacoat.

• Nike will unveil new bowl uniforms for TCU, Boise State, Florida, and, if you can believe it, Oregon.

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Today’s Video of the Day is of lightning bolts.

Enjoy your Monday.