Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Zach Galifianakis, proud North Carolina resident. He allegedly has nothing to do with UNC’s NCAA issues. Allegedly.
• North Carolina, on top of its current NCAA investigation, has reported itself for committing possible academic infractions, or as it’s more commonly known, running a college football program. The second you argue about the sanctity of academics is the second you poop on your own credibility.
• Georgia RB Washaun Ealey decided that the Bulldogs’ offseason has been far too quiet. so he spiced things up with a hit-and-run at 5:22 AM in a university parking garage. No panties were reported to be found in his front seat.
• USC and Texas will play each other in 2017 and 2018. No word yet on whether or not Lane Kiffin plans on buying a ticket for the games or watching at his futuristic home – one of the first powered by actual puppy tears.
• Mizzou RB Derrick Washington won’t be playing for awhile.
• Dan Hawkins wants a contract extension. Adorable.
• BYU, according to sources (multiple? inside? anonymous?), will stay in the Mountain West. So essentially nothing has actually happened, yet I’ve wasted literally dozens of words writing about this non-story. Thanks for that.
• The Arkansas radio station that fired Renee Gork, the reporter who wore a Florida Gator hat to a press conference, has replaced the reporter with Michael Smith, who played RB at the university between 2006 and 2009. Arkansas and Coach Petrino have denied having anything to do with Gork’s firing, with Petrino adding, “Arkansas???? I’m the new coach of Tampa Bay Buccaneers!”
• Whale Wars has a two-hour finale tonight. Watch as incompetent mariners destroy expensive boats in the name of anti-whaling failure.
Today’s video, just for Ty, celebrates all things Notre Dame. Bathe in its greatness like it’s your first time all over again.
Enjoy your weekend. Please don’t park your car anywhere near Athens, GA.