Ty and Dan are joined by Spencer Hall from Every Day Should Be Saturday to break down the Big Ten’s playoff proposal, the first year of the Will Muschamp era, dealbreakers on the imaginary recruiting trail, and the “Sabanizing” of college football.

Ty and Dan settle into postseason mode by discussing the latest news, running through an early 2012 top five, reading a compelling argument for the BCS, outlining the brilliance of the Paul Finebaum Show, and doing their best to win back a longtime Verballer.

Ty and Dan break down the impressive victories by LSU and Alabama, Michigan’s triumph over Ohio State, the Heisman credentials of Montee Ball, UCLA’s march to Pac-12 South glory, and all the other action from Rivalry Week.  Plus, your Reverbs.

Ty and Dan debate the true definition of “Clemsoning,” break down the laser arm of Andrew Luck, and discuss all the Week 9 action.

Ty and Dan talk with Dan Wetzel from Yahoo! Sports about BCS doomsday scenarios, Fiesta Bowl debauchery, Bill Hancock, Andrew Luck, and the Fake Dan Beebe.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Alison Brie, proud California Institute of the Arts graduate, and, for my money, one of the better ways to begin a weekend.

*****

• CBS‘s Brett McMurphy and Bruce Feldman have week 8 picks.

• Things got interesting before last night’s UCLA/Arizona halftime in a fake ref/streaking/brawl kind of way.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly makes you smarter every time. Take advantage.

• Free Connolly USC/ND preview. Just that easy.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg talks to Nebraska LB Lavonte David.

• ESPN‘s bloggers debate USC vs Notre Dame. When two unranked rivals meet, YOU THROW THE RECORDS OUT.

• Ditto for Stanford/Washington.

• ESPN‘s bloggers tell you what to watch, and that’s final.

• SI.com has a midseason All-American team (and Miami RB Lamar Miller).

• Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dr Saturday takes an unbeaten snapshot.

• The fine Doc Sat folk also have the good, bad, and the ugliness.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a Euro/crazy mouth version of Led Zeppelin. Ker-azy.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxcCC2g1Ke0

Enjoy your Friday.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Ty and Dan talk with Spencer Hall about Will Muschamp’s early marks, LSU-Alabama, the Big Ten, “We” Bombs, and a college football version of The Truman Show.  Plus, picks for all the big action during Week Eight.

Ty and Dan break down all the action from “Tire Fire Saturday,” including Ohio State’s passing offense, a near “Clemsoning,” and more unfortunate uniform combinations. Plus, voice messages from rowdy listeners.

Ty and Dan welcome Bruce Feldman back to the show to discuss Clemson’s ceiling, the looming LSU-Alabama showdown, Urban Meyer-to-Penn State rumors, the misunderstood Mike Gundy, and a host of other hot topics in college football.  Plus, your e-mails and voice messages, and a Week 7 Preview.

Ty and Dan review an underwhelming slate of Week 6 action, discuss Urban Meyer rumors, rank the ACC, and analyze Texas A&M’s attempts to simultaneously win AND lose each football game.  Plus, your Reverbs and another round of “Nick Foles In A Losing Effort.”

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Milhouse van Houten, who may no longer exist after the spring. More like Thrillhouse, amiright?

*****

• Alabama and LSU haven’t even played once yet and CBS’s Brett McMurphy wonders if they could play again in the BCS National Championship. He sees things.

• USC‘s defense is good to go, says coordinator possibly not watching USC games.

• ESPN B1G blogger Brian Bennett believes in Michigan, or at least offers reasons as to why you should.

• Washington State coach Paul Wulff and UCLA’s Rick Neuheisel are headed in “different directions.”

• The trailer for a new ESPNU documentary about the first SEC Championship game. Looks pretty excellent actually.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples says the Big 12 should just let Mizzou go to greener, more SEC-like pastures.

• Staples also has power rankings in the tune of Star Wars. Yep.

• LSU CB Tyrann Mathieu is down with his “honey badger” nickname. Of course he is.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the new iPhone announcement, but in 90 easy seconds. This should be how life works always.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgnSuRxPQG8

Enjoy your Wednesday.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Ty and Dan rifle through all the Week 5 action and examine their lingering trust issues with Ohio State, Clemson, and Texas.

Ty Hildenbrandt and Dan Rubenstein take a closer look at impressive victories by LSU and Alabama, poke fun at Texas A&M’s pass defense, and devise a diabolical scheme to fix South Carolina’s quarterback problem. Plus, another batch of listener Reverbs and another tale of Nick Foles’ performance… in a losing effort, of course.

Ty and Dan plod through more cumbersome talk of conference realignment and play through Verballer voice messages before previewing week 4 and putting a double-jinx on Saturday’s Florida State-Clemson game.

Ty and Dan roll through the news of the week, Verballer voice and e-mail messages, their picks for Week 3, and present the best Jesse Palmer impression of all-time, courtesy of West Coast Kevin.  Editor’s note: Look for a special Oklahoma-Florida State preview show tomorrow.

Ty and Dan examine the wild night game at Michigan Stadium, South Carolina’s road triumph, Ohio State’s struggles, and Mack Brown’s appearance.  Plus, your Reverbs.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Wilco’s Jeff Tweedy, alumnus of the road, that’s what. Also he sings Black Eyed Peas songs way better than anyone else.

*****

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd says Texas overplayed its hand with the Longhorn Network. Dennis Dodd would be correct.

• Louisville will see your two-headed QB monster and raise you a triple.

• UCLA lost its center to sweet lady ganja for a game.

• LSU WR Russell Shepard will now sit three games.

• Arizona State will black out Friday night.

• ESPN‘s bloggers are very specific about what they want you to watch this weekend. Don’t cross them.

• Said bloggers also do some old fashion predictin’.

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall has a Week One Alphabetical. Get silly, folks.

• SI.com’s George Schroeder says Baylor just wants to make sure Baylor gets taken care of.

• Rick Neuheisel may be the only one who cares at UCLA. About right.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the trailer for More than Me, a documentary about comedian Jim Breuer taking his 84-year-old dad on the road with him.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVaQBSKHvfw

Enjoy your Thursday.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Ty and Dan talk about Texas A&M’s move to the SEC, Mark Richt’s hot seat, poor sportsmanship, and all the important action ahead in the second week of the season.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Christine Taylor, Allentown PA native. She’s also, by my count, the only person to ever appear in “Hey Dude,” “Zoolander,” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Amazing.

*****

• Texas A&M is going to the SEC, just as long as the Big 12 doesn’t get too lawsuit-happy (which they probably are).

• The HATERZ still doubt Boise State, says CBS’s Dennis Dodd.

• Tommy Rees is officially your new starting Notre Dame QB.

• Starting Oklahoma State S Johnny Thomas is ineligible for the 2011 season.

• Four suspended Ohio State players are back. FINALLY.

• Florida didn’t show much against Florida Atlantic. Well, yeah.

• ESPN’s Edward Aschoff says Mississippi State can’t get too excited about Auburn’s run D. Ok, it can get a little excited.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett has a B1G stock report. He’s quite impressed by what Penn State did against Indiana State. Somebody has to be.

• Texas has young RBs who may or may not get stonewalled by older men on Saturday vs BYU.

• The Marshall Lobbestael era (six or so weeks worth) begins (again) for Washington State. Woo.

• Georgia‘s probably in on the spread offense.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples compares college football teams to TV shows. Or something, I’m lost.

• The Wiz has the best screengrabs of the week. This is quietly one of my favorite things about college football every year.

• USC RB Marc Tyler is back and he now has a shiny new merit badge for silence.

• USC RB Dillon Baxter and family are probably unhappy with Lane Kiffin.

• Oklahoma RB Jonathan MIller is done with Norman. Done.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Louis CK talking about George Carlin. Kind of perfect.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=R37zkizucPU

Enjoy your Wednesday.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Ty and Dan lick their wounds after Notre Dame and Oregon suffer losses, but power through a full hour and recap all the significant Week One action.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Oregon alumnus and sometime entrepreneur Phil Knight. Felt right.

*****

• Mississippi State rolled Memphis. Pretty numbers can be found next to the names of Bulldog QB Chris Relf and RB Vic Ballard.

• Wisconsin QB Russell Wilson and the Badgers had a fun Thursday night in Madison.

• CBS’s (!) Bruce Feldman has weekend picks. He began by missing the exact Wisconsin score by two points. Good start.

• USC secondary coach WIllie Mack Garza resigned. “NCAA probe” and “Willie Lyles” are two names that a report mentioned. Oops.

• Kentucky played Western Kentucky. Let’s just forget it ever happened.

• Syracuse‘s path to the national championship just got a little clearer.

• EDSBS’s Spencer Hall wrote this yesterday. SB Nation’s Spencer Hall wrote this. Not fair.

• ESPN‘s bloggers debate international free trade trends. Just kidding, it’s just Boise St -- Georgia.

• Connor Shaw will (maybe?) start at QB for South Carolina against ECU tomorrow. This can only end well, right?

• Ohio State is getting their suspension on. Feels like old times.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples talks to LSU coach Les Miles in moving pictures.

• Northwestern QB Dan Persa is listed as “questionable” for tomorrow’s game at Boston College.

• Alabama‘s going with two QBs tomorrow. Fancy.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day features a slingshot slip ‘n slide that launches people into a lake. I’m in.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShFAeNdiEiA

Enjoy your Friday. AND COLLEGE FOOTBALL SATURDAY!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Ty and Dan kick off their fourth season as hosts of The Solid Verbal by reviewing the news of the week, reading a handful of Verballer messages, and previewing the biggest games of 2011′s opening weekend.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Longhorn Network mascot McConaughey. Big week for him.

*****

• Miami QB Jacory Harris thinks he’ll be playing in a week. I imagine it’ll be just that easy.

• Also, Harris admires penguins, so there’s that.

• ESPN has conference power rankings. They got the SWAC all wrong. Typical.

• Texas A&M has around a week left before they’re OUT (maybe).

• ESPN’s Ted Miller advises against counting Rick Neuheisel out. The Solid Verbal’s Dan Rubenstein says do whatever you want.

• ESPN’s Ivan Maisel profiles Stanford coach David Shaw and David Shaw’s dad. Aw.

• The Daily says Texas A&M is screwing everything up for everyone. About right.

• LSU‘s 2010 offense totally wasn’t Gary Crowton‘s fault, confirms Gary Crowton.

• SI.com’s Richard Deitsch leads a CFB TV roundtable. Interesting stuff.

• Oregon‘s starting a RS freshman at center against LSU‘s defensive line. Pray for mojo.

• USC LB Chris Galippo is healed and 100%. Translation, he’s feeling better and at around 78%.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is an adorable baby jaguar. Feels right.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWkIMUfamxI

Enjoy your Monday. IT’S GAME WEEK.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Ty and Dan talk with Ted Miller from ESPN.com about the newly-expanded Pac-12, the immediate impact of Utah and Colorado, USC’s defense, Arizona State’s role as frontrunner, Stanford without Jim Harbaugh, and Oregon’s chances of repeating.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by the number one Miami fan (and graduate) in national TV news, Chuck Todd. I’ll bet he’s working for the weekend.

*****

• The death penalty has not been broached by the NCAA re: Miami.

• There is no NCAA realignment summit, according to NCAA president Mark Emmert. That’s what they want you to think.

• Boston College RB Montel Harris will miss some time (and possibly BC‘s opener) after undergoing knee surgery. This hits close to home — we feel what Spaziani feels.

• Miami coach Al Golden wanted a little heads up, that’s all.

• LSU coach Les Miles now says WR Russell Shepard could possibly sit out the Oregon game after all while his compliance issue gets sorted out. Oops.

• Florida released a statement indicating that their players mentioned in the Yahoo! Miami report are cleared to play. Whew.

• Same goes for Kansas State’s Brown brothers, they of paper and high school fame.

• ESPN’s Chris Low asks Auburn QB questions. I’d answer, but my lawyer has advised me against any such action.

• Wisconsin AD and former coach Barry Alvarez (and son) lost over a million dollars to the Ponzi scheme of former Miami booster Nevin Shapiro.

• Former Miami AD Paul Dee wanted the guillotine dropped on USC. He has some ‘splaining to do.

• I apparently went to the wrong UCLA practice.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews the “invisible” USC Trojans.

• SI.com’s George Schroeder has a Pac-12 preview.

• Central Florida has mail!

• Penn State still needs a quarterback.

• Nebraska CB Alfonzo Dennard has a bum leg. Not an actual bum’s leg, but rather just an injury. I’m positive you needed that clarification.

• TCU QB Casey Pachall (“Pa-ha” is what I’m told) has a bum shoulder. This one ACTUALLY IS a bum’s shoulder.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a guy dancing with a bottle opener in front of a cheetah mural. A senior citizen makes a cameo.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkdIVJ3Nngo

Enjoy your Thursday. Support support support. 

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Ben Stiller, brief UCLA attendee. Fockers aside, I’ll still watch Zoolander whenever/wherever.

*****

• LSU OC Steve Kragthorpe is stepping down as LSU’s offensive coordinator, but will continue to coach QBs after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. This is awful. The absolute best to him and his.

• The first USA Today Coaches’ Poll is out. You can’t imagine how much it means. Mostly because it means nothing.

• Parlazed Rutgers DL Eric LeGrand spoke to SportsCenter about his recovery. Always awesome.

• The B1G will go to nine conference games in 2017. Let’s all take a moment to remember Eastern Michigan.

• Texas WR Malcolm WIlliams is leaving the Longhorns.

• Butch Davis offered a UNC scholarship (written) to his QB son Drew before he got let go. Naturally, UNC chancellor Holden Thorp committed an NCAA violation talking about how mad it made him.

• UNC DL Brandon Willis just likes the road, man.

• Purdue has new, über plain uniforms. About right.

• Four Big East teams open camp today. ESPN’s Andrea Adelson has quick hitters.

• She does the same for BYU, which I have taken to phonetically pronouncing “Bayou” out loud just to spice things up.

• The Iron Bowl is being used to arrest deadbeat dads (complete with a fun soundtrack!). Really.

• Rivals has DL rankings. SALTINESS ABOUND.

• Auburn may utilize a redshirt freshman RB who checks in around three bills. DO IT.

• SI.com contributor George Schroeder examines Larry Scott’s ability to further expand the Pac-12.

• South Carolina isn’t down with the Twitter. #SadTweet is a real thing.

• Dr Saturday‘s Pac-12 Week continues with the Oregon schools and hot seats. #SadNeuFace

• Trans-conference robbery is a real thing!

• USC practice opened up last night. We could be setting our watches to Baxter Time for at least a few quarters, at which point he’ll probably just wander off somewhere.

• Rivals has a Big East preview. Where have I seen this before? That’s right.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a dude traveling the world, six frames at a time.

Enjoy your Friday. Shirts increasing in volume next week, buy now to tell your friends you bought when it was cool.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by the always-dreamy Harry Hamlin, Yale graduate. Excuse me, after last night, it’s Big Dog, Yale graduate (NSFW language).

*****

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy talks with paralyzed Rutgers player Eric LeGrand about kickoffs.

• Nebraska QB signee Bubba Starling is still figuring out if he wants to take $7.5 million from the Kansas City Royals. Good one!

• Syracuse WR Marcus Sales is quite serious about the drugs that may or may not belong to him in his vehicle. Felony drug charges now exist for Sales.

• Illinois LB Ashante Williams has been suspended indefinitely. So So Indef.

• You were all probably wondering if Terrelle Pryor‘s high school mentor was cleared three years ago of improper booster behavior, right?. Good news for all.

• Fox Sports Houston talks the 2011 schedule of… Houston. I know, right?

• Need a little Holgorsen to get your August started? Of course you do.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews Georgia, a team with numbers in all of the right places (except the pesky W-L columns).

• UCF coach George O’Leary just wants to be liked. By everyone.

• More B1G team previews and conference forecasting are now available (FREE) as Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr Saturday concludes B1G Week.

• Penn State QB Paul Jones (former 5*) will miss 2011 with academic issues.

• USC is the latest Rivals team preview. Again, these Rivals previews would be a good place to start learning about more than just the QB’s name when you talk about a team (ahem, anonymous TV analysts).

• Michigan DC Greg Mattison is getting bizzay in Ann Arbor. I’m so in touch.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is an older lady being thrown about and terrified in Corvette. Always funny.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cTR9Ak6X9U

Enjoy your Monday. Support the Verbal.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Mila Kunis. She has a movie out. I feel like this is enough.

*****

• North Carolina DC Everett Withers is now the interim coach of the Tar Heels. As Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr Saturday notes, the good news is that Withers oversaw the “worst statistical defense in Big Ten history. Woo.

• North Carolina‘s AD peacedthefugout.

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall profiles the demise of Butch Davis. Management speak is abound.

• Mr. Hall also has everything you need to know about yesterday’s B1G media day. It’s the funniest thing you’ll read today.

• Nebraska coach Bo Pelini spoke at relative length about the 2011 season and Nebraska’s B1G introduction.

• ESPN has B1G media day notes. They’re not nearly as funny as the above link.

• Jerry Kill. That’s all.

• Fox Sports Ohio looks at Ohio State coach Luke Fickell’s day yesterday. And the HATERZ.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer looks at Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott and how the Pac-12 Networks came about. My hypothesis? He isn’t Tom Hanson.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel looks ahead at the Pac-12′s business model (straight cash homey).

• USC QB Matt Barkley goes Irish, and it’s fantastic.

• ESPN anonymously ranks Big 12 RBs. Fozzy checks in at #10.

• ESPN blogger screengrabs are just the best.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelsen profiles Syracuse LB Adam Harris. It includes the quote, “I didn’t dislike Cornell by any means…” Liar.

• The Big East has some major DBs. And defensive backs.

• The Sporting News’s Matt Hayes profiles ASU LB Vontaze Burfict. Everyone read it before it’s too late…

• Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr Saturday previews Penn State and their QBs who will stop at nothing to make sure every pass is caught by somebody on the field.

• Former Nebraska QB Cody Green has landed at Tulsa. He noted, “Wait, where’d everyone go?”

*****

Today’s Video of the Day features the finest physical injuries of the past 29 days. Huzzah!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrYQpMeHmMY

Enjoy your Friday/summer fashions!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Brooklyn Decker, anonymous North Carolina fan and actress(ish) in a new movie called Battleship. Based on Battleship the board game. I blame everyone but her for how horrible it’ll be.

*****

• Butch Davis is out at North Carolina. Not totally unexpected, but the timing is such that UNC must REALLY not want anything to do with him. Interesting.

SI.com’s Andy Staples has questions. Such a sleuth.

Was it the whole cheating thing? Maybe?

ESPN’s Heather Dinich reviews possible UNC interim candidates.

• Gunner Kiel, the nation’s unanimous #1 HS QB prospect chose … Indiana. How many times do you think IU coach Kevin Wilson used the word “Bradford” during conversations? 71,000? 73,000?

• The Pac-12 Network was expected. We got Pac-12 NetworkS. In a year, you won’t be able to avoid Jeff Tedford‘s face. So, yeah.

• Oklahoma State has new uniforms. The gray lids have a fan in me.

• When Oregon WR coach Scott Frost leaves Eugene for Nebraska (or whoever gives him an OC job), they’ll be worse off.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller has Pac-12 media day notes. I learned that Washington‘s large people are dented.

• ESPN’s David Ubben does the same with the Big 12. Iowa State appears to be tapping the breaks on the whole “tough non-conference schedule” thing.

• ESPN’s Edward Aschoff profiles Vanderbilt QB Larry Smith, currently Nashville’s most sacked college QB!

• The new voice of FIU football is … former CNN anchor Rick Sanchez? Okeedoke.

• Clay Travis says air conditioning is responsible for Florida sports dominance. Not to be outdone, it’s also responsible for some of my most dominant naps.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews Missouri. Don’t tell anyone, but they’re defense has gotten, at times, scary good.

• Thought you knew the rules? Good, now forget everything — SI.com’s Andy Staples has you covered.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel mailbags it and suggests that Washington could be better sans Jake Locker, something I’ve been saying for at least 10-15 minutes.

• Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday goes green and previews Michigan State. Because they wear green. Brilliant.

• They’re also seeing red as they preview Nebraska. God, I’m so on today.

• Georgia LB (and USC transfer) Jarvis Jones will miss the 2011 season with a shoulder injury.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the next sports to take the world by storm — I call it kicky jumpy mini-volleyball, or KJMV. Sign up now!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ljb6Mne8Mfc

Enjoy your Thursday. Thread up.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by USC attendee Ron Howard, who had a similar run-in with TMZ to Marc Tyler’s, only his was way more graphic.

*****

• Oregon coach Chip Kelly gave his first extensive comments since Yahoo!‘s most recent Will Lyles story. Not much was said.

• Alabama *officially* has nothing to do with T-Town Menswear, the outfitter that definitely didn’t do anything wrong with current and former Tide players.

• The Mountain West has arbitrarily decided that Boise State can’t wear their all-blues at home. Because really, what you want to do when you lose your biggest team and gain a new signature team, you’d like alienate the new guys as soon as possible.

• Former Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor has a clearer path to the NFL’s Supplemental Draft — the Buckeyes want nothing to do with him.

• Stanford QB Andrew Luck will only play one more year for Stanford, surprising no one.

• UCLA QB Brett Hundley will be out for about a month after tearing meniscus in his right knee. The Bruins is exactly on schedule.

• Florida RB (and noted sprinter) Jeff Demps will play football this fall. Quickly.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd talks to Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops at Big 12 media day about losing. Exciting stuff.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel has decided robots are the way to go for college football. It’s all fun and games until the video replay machine kills somebody.

• ESPN has choice quotes and storylines from Big 12 media day (Day 2). Lapel pins wowed the masses.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller is all up in Stanford QB Andrew Luck’s beard. And I don’t blame him.

• Georgia coach Mark Richt talks to ESPN’s Chris Fowler al fresco.

• Clemson QB Tajh Boyd got in an early dig on South Carolina. I like.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly loves him some pig sooie.

• I see what you did there, Georgia Tech. Clever.

• Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday has a Minnesota preview. It includes a painful MarQueis Gray pun (but is otherwise very good).

(Michigan and Iowa are also ready for knowledge-gaining)

• Rivals has a West Virginia preview. I’m choosing to pronounced probable star WR Ivan McCartney “Ee-vahn,” mostly because I can.

• Tate Forcier is going to San Jose State (this week).

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Baylor QB Robert Griffin not giving a crap. Go to 2:12 mark. (via Dr Sat)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAmEJ6qLN6Y

Enjoy your Wednesday. Drape yourself in fine cloth. 

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by former Virginia Hoo (attendee), Talladega Nights actress, and all-around good looking person Leslie Bibb.

*****

• Ohio State apparently did NOT fail to monitor their student-athletes. CBS’s Bryan Fischer is STEAMED.

• Tennessee has recommended two years of probation for its crimes against NCAA humanity under former basketball coach Bruce Pearl and former football coach Lane Kiffin. A lot of probing.

• The Big 12 has media days today and tomorrow. Texas will be holding its own party and it’s going to be way cooler than the party you guys are throwing.

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy speaks with the most fashionably casual conference commissioner of them all, the ACC’s John Swofford. Even his last name sounds like an exceedingly comfortable polo shirt.

• Florida DB Matt Elam has been cited for underage alcohol possession, thus dragging Florida‘s sterling name through the mud. For shame.

• CBS’s Mr. CFB briefly profiles Florida St QB E.J. Manuel. FINALLY, Florida State gets some preseason ink.

• Yahoo!!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday rips open the ACC with conference notes, defining games, and previews during ACC Week.

• ESPN humbly submits an anonymous Mountain West prediction.

• I don’t know what ESPN’s Heather Dinich and Pat Forde talk about here, I just know Forde does not look impressed by your camera equipment. An ACC notebook is also present.

• Fox Sports also seems to think that Florida State kinda, sorta needs to win one for the Atlantic Coast.

• An All-SEC preseason team exists.

• LSU WR Russell Shepard isn’t suspended, but may have some sort of compliance issue to address. Or something.

• FoxSports has a Big 12 preview. And it’s fully stocked with (Texas A&M RB) Christine Michael references. Well, one.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews Iowa. He anticipates the sound of a record suddenly being stopped on a turntable. Ree-rr!

• SI.com’s Jordan Conn profiles star South Carolina WR Alshon Jeffrey. It’s good, but not nearly as promising as SI.com’s Alshon Jeffrey profiling South Carolina WR Jordan Conn (as I originally envisioned).

• Colorado’s poster schedule is brought to you by Verizon, so if you don’t like it, Verizon customer service will tell you to go straight to hell.

• Rivals profiles woefully under-appreciated BC RB Montel Harris.

• Smart Football’s Chris Brown talks first half two point conversions. He’s anti.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the best pre-NASCAR race prayer ever.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=J74y88YuSJ8

Enjoy your Monday. Stay clothed.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Ty and Dan talk with Clay Travis about the launch of his new site (OutkickTheCoverage.com) and his thoughts on a hodgepodge of SEC topics in the midst of Media Days.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Southern Miss graduate Jimmy Buffett, who’s responsible for all of this excellent Mike Leach-Key West stuff. Good enough.

****

• Paralyzed Rutgers DT Eric LeGrand stood up. AWESOME.

• Ohio State AD Gene Smith figures everything’s cool now in Columbus. Ok then.

• It appears that Georgia Tech may have violated some NCAA rules. You have three options — stay tuned for more, stop paying attention, or keep the ball yourself.

• The NCAA isn’t done with Auburn. Allegedly.

• West Virginia OG Josh Jenkins will miss the 2011 season after undergoing knee surgery.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer profiles compliance. Pretty much the sexiest thing of the entire offseason.

• Football Study Hall has adjusted strengths of schedule. I don’t know if Bill Connelly has kids, but if he does, I have a feeling he’s constantly disappointed with their F/+ rating.

• ESPN debates what motivates the SEC and B1G. The piece is accompanied by one of the most attractive pictures ever to be featured on ESPN.

• Now that you know how secondaries in the Big 12 are ranked (in July), you may move on with your day.

• John Legend likes Ohio State. The universe just balanced out a little. “Take that, talented guy who dates supermodels!”

• Fox Sports West profiles USC WR Brice Butler.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly contends that Oregon State has misplaced aggression, which is one of the worst types of aggressions there is.

• Syracuse coach Doug Marrone is an outstanding human.

• They’re dropping like flies in Tempe. Slutty, slutty flies.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel mailbags it and then talks with Maryland coach Randy Edsall. The multiple hustles continue!

• The sweatervest is alive and well in Ohio.

• Utah OC Norm Chow will make $500,000 to not coach at UCLA. Good gig if you can get it.

• Rivals looks back at all of the 5-stars of the “Rivals” era. You’ll learn who wins “Best Five Star” at the upcoming Rivies.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Seth Meyers monologging (sp?) at the ESPYs last night. I didn’t watch the whole thing. Mostly because I wanted to do something else.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGrq5RJ-wYw

Enjoy your Thursday. Shirts!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Kevin James, SUNY Cortland attendee. I swear to you, he used to be a funny stand-up. I promise.

*****

• For the first time, Ohio St AD Gene Smith admits that he asked Jim Tressel to resign. I’m guessing “asked” is probably a kind word for “told.” Just guessing though.

• There might not be an NFL season again. Or something.

• B1G commissioner Jim Delaney wouldn’t mind the conference going rogue. Or off the grid. Either one sounds cool.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer has a recruiting notebook. I’ll bet it has rad, hand-drawn band logos all over it. Total badass.

• Oregon CB Cliff Harris has slowly started paying back the $8500 he owes in traffic fines. As always, money be green.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett speaks with Indiana’s Kevin Wilson. Intensely.

• Big East safeties are ranked. By and large, they outperformed all Big East doorknobs. Nailed it.

• Former Nebraska QB Cody Green might visit USC. A private word to Cody — eating at Chano’s at 1 AM will seem like a fine idea until the next morning.

• Fox Sports Ohio lists “giant killers.” If they did crazy, petite killers, Casey Anthony would’ve been a shoe-in.

• Trust me, LSU QB Jordan Jefferson is a sure-thing to have a great year. I haven’t a single question about him.

• Rivals profiles Hawaii QB Bryant Moniz.

• Washington RB Deontae Cooper tore his ACL. Again.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Jake Gyllenhaal vs Wild. Ty apparently loves this stuff.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Snaibcz1-mo

Enjoy your Friday. Purchase!

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Ty and Dan are joined by George Schroeder of the Eugene Register-Guard to discuss the latest news in the Oregon-Will Lyles saga, the various scenarios the Ducks football program could be facing, Chip Kelly’s future, and, among other things, barbecue places in rural Arkansas.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Mizzou’s Jon Hamm, who got richer this week. Don’t let the money cramp your saxy style, Jon. Don’t do it.

*****

• Former UNC coach John Blake has a reputation, and part of that reputation includes biology charisma.

• Former USC WR Lonnie White (early-mid 80′s) received payments while playing for the Trojans. It all sounds about right until you hear who paid him … NCAA PRESIDENT MARK EMMERT!!!! <— I made that up.

• Florida needs warm bodies. If they don’t get them, EDSBS’s Spencer Hall may be forced to shoot video trying out for the team. He might die. Let’s save Spencer.

• New Michigan coach Brady Hoke is poking the bear. Ahem, bear cub.

• ESPN’s Heater Dinich (new name!) ranks ACC WR corps.

• If you’re more bored than you’ve ever been, please accept this offering of ESPN’s best SEC kickers and punters, plus special teams. Please.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett has a brief profile of new starting Iowa RB Marcus Coker.

• Bennett’s ESPN B1G Ten partner Adam Rittenberg handles the receivers and tight ends. That sounded wrong.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller speculates on the Pac-12′s impact freshmen. Oregon State apparently has an incoming DE named Rusty Fernando. That is all.

• Football Study Hall previews Tennessee with no mention of Tyler Bray’s tattoo. And they were on such a roll, too.

• Terrelle Pryor got his own Jon Gruden segment. You can hear him apologize for nothing in particular all over again.

• Notre Dame players have new gloves that test the limits of multi-headed mascots.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel had the gall to take a honeymoon when so much was going on in college football. He catches up here.

• Auburn‘s getting early points from Vegas in pretty much all of their 2011 games.

• Iowa St RB DeVondrick Nealy was cited for shootin’ stuff on campus with a BB gun. Way to go.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is your 90s childhood quickly flashed before your eyes. It’s more traumatic than you think.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0DDQ02vAeY

Enjoy your Thursday. Buy Verbal!

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With Ty in Hawaii for a wedding, I spoke with longtime friend of the show West Coast Kevin about Cliff Harris and Oregon, early Heisman odds, and the upcoming Longhorn Network. We then read and reacted to the overflowing inbox and closed with some solid Whale Wars analysis. Enjoy!

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by former UCLA attendee and noted insane person Nicolas Cage. It’s about time.

*****

• Does Ohio State AD Gene Smith want to hire private detectives to tail Buckeye football players? Um, possibly.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd has ten facts about the Rose Bowl. My weird Rose Bowl fact: It’s the best place to see a game in January, but probably the worst September through December.

• North Carolina players have accrued over $13,000 in parking tickets. That sort of thing requires a professional-level ability to never, ever give a shit.

• Oregon CB Cliff Harris is at a non-Bone Thugs ‘n Harmony crossroads, says the Register-Guard’s George Schroeder.

• MGOBLOG compares Ohio St to USC. In a completely reasonable, unbiased way. Mostly.

• After an unfortunate reference to Aaron Douglas (removed shortly after posting), ESPN’s Edward Aschoff ranks SEC offensive lines.

• The ACC is very happy with their dainty debutante schedule, thank you very much.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg ranks Big Ten running backs. He separates Wisconsin‘s two headed monster, which is a testament to just how cruel and unusual Adam Rittenberg truly is.

• Colorado C Mike Iltis is retiring due to both injury and academic concerns, making him the 18th player to leave the Colorado program this offseason. That doesn’t feel like a normal number, does it?

• Lost Letterman ranks college football’s top transfers. I hope Kansas State RB Bryce Brown makes the list again in two years.

• Auburn coach Gene Chizik was kind of surprised he was hired two years ago, too.

• Incoming Ohio St linebacker Ejuan Price requests permission to become “Former Ohio St linebacker Ejuan Price.”

• Notre Dame is getting a network. You probably won’t watch it.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a completely insane remix of The View. I have no idea, either.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLR614kge4w

Enjoy your Friday. Buy apparel.

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by JJ Abrams, Sarah Lawrence alumnus and Super 8 director. And yes Sarah Lawrence actually has an equestrian team.

*****

• Former Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor and his lawyer have threatened legal action against ESPN for “bogus” reports. Guess what isn’t happening? Actual legal action.

• The photographer implicated as the person paying Pryor for memorabilia, Dennis Talbott, has denied any wrongdoing and any payment to Pryor. Hm, where should conventional wisdom fall here?

• Also, this Dennis Talbott fellow is alleged to have had a ginormous, unregistered Ohio State memorabilia business. Mmhmm.

• Jim Tressel‘s still on the hook for that 250k fine.

• West Virginia coach Bill Stewart is reportedly being bought out as we speak. Damn, Holgorsen DOES move fast.

• USC coach Lane Kiffin will have a chat with the NCAA this weekend. Hopefully, for Kiffin’s sake, the NCAA promotes an atmosphere of tasty refreshments during these meetings.

• ESPN’s David Ubben reviews Big 12 Heisman contenders. I go all Justin Blackmon all the time here.

• ESPN Stats and Info break down the Heisman chances of QBs in their different QB groups. Here’s pro-style, spread, and dual threat.

• Fox Sports Detroit goes game by game with Michigan’s 2011 schedule.

• SI’s Don Banks speaks with NFL scouts about Terrelle Pryor’s NFL prospects. It’s not glowing.

• USC S Patrick Hall has torn an ACL for the second time and will miss the 2011 season.

• EA Sports held a demo for NCAA ’12 at E3. (Goosebumps)

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is elephants going bonkers. Woah.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4Wmic8JapM

Enjoy your Friday.

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by a small, attractive person that responds to Hayden Panettiere, a non-college attendee. She was also in Remember the Titans and is apparently dating former Colorado WR Scotty McKnight. That’s football-ish.

*****

• Hold on to your seats … Terrelle Pryor is done at Ohio State after making a statement to that effect through his lawyer.

• Further, Pryor is now alleged to have earned tens of thousands of dollars signing autographs. Or maybe it was just his mom signing autographs, who knows.

• USC was stripped of its 2004 BCS title. Just think, in ten years, people will look back and say, “I have no idea what a BCS title is.”

• North Carolina received, “almost a year” after the stories originally began trickling out, a letter of inquiry from the NCAA. At least all those players got bottle service out of this whole thing.

• Colt McCoy‘s wife calling into a terrible radio show is somehow news.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews Kentucky, and on second thought, they lost to Charleston Southern. Woops.

• Mizzou players are helping out with the Joplin tornado cleanup. The pictures are downright terrifying. (via edsbs)

• ESPN’s Edward Aschoff smells some SEC upsets. And also sweet, sweet SEC bourbon.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett rounds up various Terrelle Pryor reactions from the Internetz.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples tells Ohio State fans to maybe simmer down a tad if they know what’s good for them.

• The new issue of Sports Illustrated has an extensive profile of Stanford QB Andrew Luck. Spoiler: He’s a bright dude.

• Rivals profiles Norm Chow and his return to Utah. Because he used to coach in that state, you see.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Infinite Shampoo. Simple. Effective. Insane.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PKQE8FM2Uw

Enjoy your Wednesday.

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Ty and Dan are joined by Spencer Hall from EDSBS to discuss the busybodies at West Virginia, Mike Hamilton’s strange demise, Greg Schiano’s plight against kickoffs, and Sim City. Plus, Terrelle Pryor’s unceremonious exit from Ohio State, and a rousing game of “Lifetime OR West Virginia Football.”

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Steve Buscemi, former OLB for the Lee Strasberg Film and Theater Institute football team. Ok that was a joke … he played left guard.

*****

• Beyond the emails, former Ohio State coach Jim Tressel probably had a kick-ass text messaging plan. Go unlimited or go home, son.

• Tennessee AD Mike Hamilton resigned this morning. You’d think he’d be given a longer leash after BOTH of his hires of coaches in revenue sports ran afoul of the NCAA and can be considered thorough Tennessee failures. Sheesh.

• West Virginia coach Bill Stewart asked local reporters for dirt on OC/CIW Dana Holgorsen in the days before he was hired, leading to the recent leaks that Holgorsen was asked to leave casinos early in the morning. Fall camp is going to be FUN.

• WVU AD Oliver Luck gave an interview to 93.7 The Fan in Pittsburgh this morning. Here are some quotes.

• Top incoming Nebraska QB Bubba Starling was taken 5th overall in the MLB Draft. I believe Steve Miller said it best.

• Tommy Tuberville is an increasingly silly man.

• Mike Leach is an increasingly logical and bright man.

• Football Study Hall pumps out an Arizona State preview. ASU LB Vontaze Burfict just murdered Football Study Hall.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers review the 2010 ESPNU 150 selections after their freshman years. The SEC appears to have a lot of entries.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelson talks to Rutgers coach Greg Schiano. I wonder if Rutgers fans still say things to each other like, “Hey remember 2006? That was AWESOME.”

• The Mountain West has a new logo. Oh and this is their time. Or something.

• Georgia is excited for new enormous NT John Jenkins.

• Former USC RB coach Todd McNair, the coach at the center of the NCAA‘s investigation of Reggie Bush, is formally suing the NCAA for “libel, slander, tortious interference with prospective economic advantage, tortious interference with contractual relations, breach of contract, negligence and declaratory relief.” That kind of thing.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples has officially stopped sleeping and has moved on to slamming the SEC over banning graduates from other programs from transferring to an SEC school and playing immediately. Also, he lists the top 25 jobs in college football.

• USC MLB Devon Kennard is now USC DE Devon Kennard.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a collection of the greatest movie threats ever. You better watch (language NSFW fo-sho) …

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbIlLmCID5g

Enjoy your Tuesday.

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Ty and Dan talk with Sports Illustrated’s George Dohrmann about his highly-anticipated piece on Jim Tressel and wrongdoing at Ohio State University. Plus, new allegations against Terrelle Pryor and a hard look at where the Buckeye football program goes after the resignation of its head coach.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Sophia Bush, former USC student and current person who probably could not care less about NCAA sanctions. Basically she’ll looks nice on the site for a long weekend.

*****

• SI.com’s Andy Staples says the NCAA, after the USC ruling, has “painted themselves into a corner” regarding the UNC and Ohio State cases. He also opens it with a quote from Wednesday’s South Park, so you know it’s good.

• A strange “incident” occurred involving nomadic QB transfer Tate Forcier last month.

• Yahoo!!!!!’s Dan Wetzel has some advice for Ohio State.

• CBS Sports’s Bryan Fischer explains that USC never really had a chance against the NCAA. This mostly has to do with Jim Delaney not being involved in the case.

• Current and former Ohio State players are upset with former WR Ray Small. Awwww.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett drops some realism bombs on the Big East.

• Athlon has Notre Dame as their preseason #6. Also, somebody at Athlon does not care much for actually watching college football.

• ESPN’s David Ubben reveals his Big 12 dream team. I like to imagine he has posters featuring magazine cutouts with inserted hearts and glitter everywhere.

• An update on Pac-12 officiating, co-starring an always-dapper Mike Pereira.

• Tulsa should be pretty good this fall. Unfortunately, so should pretty much everyone they play.

• SB Nation’s Paul Wadlington profiles Big 10 commissioner Jim Delaney. You’ll feel a bit dirty by the end.

• The Big House may not be big enough. A proposed add-on may get the noise level beyond “raucous library” … yes!!

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a collection of ping pong trick shots, but not of the seedy Thai strip club variety.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYAm8i4LPIE

Enjoy your Friday.

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by UC Riverside alum and Hangover Part 2 actress Jamie Chung. Chung is attractive and UCR is known has the Highlanders and their bear mascot has a half blue face to honor William Wallace. No part of that sentence was invented in any way.

*****

• Former Ohio State WR Ray Small sold his Buckeye memorabilia while still enrolled and on the team. I just hope Jim Tressel doesn’t fire E. Gordon Gee. ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg puts it into context.

• USC‘s appeal of the NCAA‘s 2010 decision was straight Mutumbo’d. Remember USC’s 2004 BCS title? Wrong, you don’t.

• Is the Big East expanding? Could they add another school in Texas or the service academies? Find out next time on “Maybe?”!!

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel explains why Alabama is his preseason #1. He surmises that their outstanding good players will impact their fortunes.

• West Virginia OC Dana Holgorsen and WVU AD Oliver Luck agreed that Holgorsen’s mystery actions were “inappropriate.” Stop with the teasing already, Morgantown.

• Georgia coach Mark Richt appears to be selling his lake house because he’s a charitable human being. I’m ok with this.

• LSU is “oozing” with talent. DC John Chavis illustrates this, um, accurately in the attached photo.

• ESPN’s Edward Aschoff addresses SEC QB battles. Apparently, nobody knows who’s going to throw for a crapload of INTs in Oxford yet.

• Fox Sports, with an assist from a photo gallery of ACC cheerleaders, profiles new Clemson QB Tajh Boyd, Boyd, by all accounts, had a mostly horrific spring, though it’s oddly not mentioned here at all. But the cheerleaders definitely are.

• Football Study Hall has your stinkin’ numbers right here, UCLA. And they really are quite stinkin’.

• A high school freshman has eight major verbal scholarship offers. This can only end well.

• Indiana football is going to be different this time. Honest.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a clip from last night’s amazing NCAA South Park (via EDSBS).

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVfiaVM0ap8

Enjoy your Thursday

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by former Minnesota attendee Bob Dylan, who, you won’t believe this, was a heroin enthusiast for a bit. Upset of all upsets, I know.

*****

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy eyeballs the Big East and the crossroads it may or may not find itself nearing.

• When Michigan plays Notre Dame (in Michigan Stadium‘s first ever night game), the Wolverines will wear made-up throwback uniforms. Certainly one option.

• Former Missouri QB Tyler Gabbert visited Louisville over the weekend. At this point, Louisville is being strongly considered as one of many options.

• Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino is the newest coach to get PAID. The good news is his buyout (should he decide to leave) is $18 million in the near future and then $10 million thereafter. And both kidneys. And an eye. And he has to be Arkansas‘s butler.

• Auburn and Alabama spend money on recruiting services. And then some more money.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller has been positively bipolar during his “Hope & Concern” series. He’s been torn up by USC and Washington so far.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg analyzes Michigan’s schedule, just like he did for eight other conference teams. Basically, you can go screw off, Indiana, Northwestern, and Purdue.

• Football Study Hall gets its numbers all up in Kansas State. Bill Snyder will definitely not be reading this, which is why you absolutely should.

• The Wiz is running up the score with his bowl expense reports. Total pro.

• USC QB Matt Barkley is a History Channel superstar.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Blake Griffin jumping over a tiger and begging to be in a video game. I like Blake Griffin.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8hJx2KOUdY

Enjoy your Monday.

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by UC Santa Cruz alum and star of the weekend’s #2 movie, Bridesmaids. This marks the first time that a Banana Slug starred in any weekend’s #2 movie. Ok, I’m just guessing here.

*****

• Ohio State and coach Jim Tressel have hired a law firm made up of ex-NCAA officials to fight the coach’s current and coming sanctions. No terrible college football deed goes un-defended by high-priced attorneys finding loopholes for cheaters.

• Cal‘s new starting QB is Buffalo transfer Zach Maynard. The semi-new look offense is going to specifically incorporate more read-option looks by a guy who threw more INTs than TDs during his last season on the field (in the MAC). Tricky.

• Mark Richt: Oversigning is pretty “awful.” Rest of SEC: Kthxbye.

• Oregon State DT Castro Masaniai has been suspended indefinitely from the Beavers after being arrested for second-degree kidnapping, coercion, disorderly conduct, harassment and criminal mischief. And it all happened in a McDonald’s. If EDSBS doesn’t give him some sort of honorary ribbon or something, the Fulmer Cup is all for naught.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg has a primer on the … BIG TEN SPRING MEETINGS!!!!

• Ohio State’s 2010 Gold Pants are in limbo. Dun dun DUNNN!!

• USC coach Lane Kiffin and his QB Matt Barkley share a mutual respect. They also share a mutual fear of winning 10 games.

• Bill Connelly continues his numerical devilry as he examines Kansas State success rates and such.

• Ohio State reassigned its football PR maven. Because really, this is all her fault.

• The Sports Business Journal breaks down the motivations for rivals like ESPN and Fox to come together for the sake of Pac-12 media rights. As you’d probably expect, those motivations are mostly rooted in evil.

• Rivals lists their favorite good players on bad or so-so teams. Harsh.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the new New Era commercial with Alec Baldwin and John Krasinski. As soon as I have a little bit of money, I may do this all the time.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjmvsc22OFw

Enjoy your Monday.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by the newly single Arnold Schwarzenegger, a University of Wisconsin-Superior correspondence graduate and lover of all things derriere.

*****

• After receiving an extension, Northwestern coach Pat Fitzgerald will be continuing his reign of efficient spread passing terror through at least 2020. TERROR.

• Georgia RB Washaun Ealey will soon be (other team) RB after being granted his unconditional release from Georgia. If he becomes dominant wherever he goes, I’m calling dibs now on a nickname of “The Moving Violation.”

• Missouri QB Tyler Gabbert (younger brother of Sunshine Gabbert) announced his intention to transfer, with Clemson, according to his father, as a possible landing spot. Despite no college passing attempts, Mel Kiper already lists him on the big board.

• Four Miami players of minimal consequence are transferring. Oh well.

• Football Study Hall gets down and dirty with Duke. Not pretty.

• TCU doesn’t return a ton, but they’ve done enough to warrant a spring wrap from ESPN. It’s to be expected that MLB Tank Carder will hunt you down if you don’t click the link.

• Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday examines TressellBall. What, you thought you were done with Craig Krenzel? NEVER!!

• Earlier in the offseason, Rutgers added former Pitt and Cal offensive coordinator Frank Cignetti to install an actual offense. For those expect an immediate impact, take a slow look at that resumé once again.

• USC WR Brice Butler announced his decision to transfer before announcing his decision to remain a Trojan. Without any knowledge to support this, due credit should be given to USC’s new on-campus Chick-fil-A. Works wonders.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Rafael Nadal getting fancy between his legs. Never hesitate to send me trick tennis shots. Never.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mevFnV5rCuI

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Princeton graduate Ellie Kemper, who stars in The Office and makes up half of Subtle Sexuality, whose music videos make me feel uncomfortable. In a good way.

*****

• Florida coach Will Muschamp finally signed a contract. Oh I get it — he’s like Don Draper in Rod Blagojevich’s haircut. With a wristband.

• Lloyd Carr told Ryan Mallett to leave Michigan. It’d be funnier if he rounded up a posse beforehand.

• Washington coach Steve Sarkisian used the same words to describe his decision to “anoint” Keith Price to starting QB as he did Mark Sanchez. I don’t know what this means.

• New Solid Verbal pal (and ESPN blogger) Brian Bennett handicaps the Big East race and treats the teams like horses. Get it?

• The Wall Street Journal wonders if Oregon coach Chip Kelly is a genius. I’ll defer to Kelly’s reaction to a similar question the coach received last year — “Jonas Salk was a genius.”

• Scout.com took the time to produce a video about the 2012 recruiting classes of Texas schools in May of 2011. The barren set (that may be at Sea World) bums me out.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly is back again with his charts, graphs, and general intelligence — this time with an in-depth look at Syracuse. His analysis is almost identical to Fox Sports’s, only exactly the opposite.

• Kansas State is installing new turf and SB Nation has video that will BLOW YOUR MIND.

• An Urban Meyer documentary will be released by SI.com. I’m still afraid that Urban’s going to fall into the water behind him.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel learned ten things this spring. Nothing more, nothing less.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the best Land Rover commercial I’ve seen all day. And I’ve seen, uh, a bunch.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfXbWe7lJhI

Enjoy your Friday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by high school graduate (!) Kat Dennings, who, um, is in a new, uh, movie, called … yeah, I forget.

*****

• The Pac-12 is getting PAID by Fox and ESPN. Does this mean a dedicated network? Er, at some point? Does this mean that people in western states will be able to always watch their team play? Maybe!!

• Oregon LB Kiko Alonso, who was arrested for burglary Saturday night, has been suspended indefinitely, or as it will soon be known, Kiko Alonso’d.

• Fox Sports’s Jason Whitlock spoke to Willie Lyles, the owner of a recruiting service that’s at the center of much ado. If you thought you were getting fake talk with Whitlock’s podcast, I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong you are.

• Black Heart Gold Pants does some good ol’ fashioned backdoor recruiting for the B1G Ten. Wait, that sounded … HILARIOUS.

• ESPN’s David Ubben locks in on some 2011 Big Twen 100-tackle defenders. If you don’t get on the Jake Knott bandwagon now, you’ll … probably just get on it as soon as you’ve heard of him.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg does the same for the B1G Ten, but with “sack-masters.” Naughty.

• Ohio State presiden Gordon Gee is always down for a goofy group shot.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel examines how Auburn and Oregon can do so well with senior leadership, yet get virtually shut out at the NFL Draft.

• Syracuse was always pretty awful pre-Doug Marrone. Now they appear to be decent. Here’s how Doug Marrone used The Solid Verbal Bump to get his team on the winning track (minus The Solid Verbal Bump).

• Miami OT Seantrel Henderson denied that he’s transferring back home to Minnesota, which means he 100% is. I think.

• USC and Colorado will play on a Friday night in Boulder. Aww, just like high schools do!!

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the first few minutes of last night’s Daily Show. The original guest would’ve been much better.

Enjoy your Tuesday.

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by proud Queens University (Belfast) alumnus Liam Neeson, who would’ve completely yesterday’s Pakistan mission long ago if given the chance. You can’t convince me that he’s not just playing a character in “Taken.” A very specific set of skills!

*****

• Osama bin Laden is DONE. Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday has campus reaction videos.

• Oregon had its spring game. The Eugene R-G’s Rob Moseley reacts by summarizing and theorizing on the implications. Probable starting middle linebacker Kiko Alonso seemed to lock up the starting job and then reacted by getting arrested for allegedly burglary (a year after being suspended for the 2010 season for a DUI charge). We all have our ways.

• Former USC RB coach Todd McNair lost his “unethical conduct” appeal to the NCAA in the Reggie Bush case. I don’t know who’s in the right here, but after this weekend, Bush definitely needs some good marketing.

• You already know who got drafted over the weekend. Here are some bigger names who didn’t.

• ESPN broadcaster Kirk Herbstreit is done with Twitter. For-ev-er. Maybe.

• Ohio State LB Dorian Bell is suspended for 2010 after violating team rules. Apparently, he immediately forwarded incriminating emails to AD Gene Smith.

• Notre Dame WR Michael Floyd pled not guilty to his DUI charge.

• NC State coach Tom O’Brien dismissed three-year starting QB Russell Wilson for a lack of commitment to the team. Translation: Baseball’s for losers.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett has West Virginia spring game notes. It appears that the normal numbers hot Holgied.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg throws out some 2011 B1G Ten thousand yard rushing guesses. He puts some eggs in the Scheelhaase basket.

• This year’s “Fiesty Mike Riley and Oregon State Win with Less!” column fell to ESPN’s Ivan Maisel. Ivan kindly asks you to forget that Mike Riley has never lost fewer than four games in a season. Shh!

• Your probable Washington starting QB is Keith Price. Joe Montana‘s kid’s name is NOT “Keith Price.”

• The college football billboard wars have found their way up to Michigan.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day features the best wipeouts from some show.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5pJ1tAWQ8s

Enjoy your Monday.

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Kristen Wiig, who stars in “Bridesmaids,” her comedy debut. After so many years on SNL, it’s clear she was ready for a change in genre.

*****

• The Wall Street Journal breaks down the success of first round NFL Draft picks. It all makes so much sense.

• The NCAA announced that no new bowls will be formed for at least three years. We can now officially mourn the possibility of Allentown’s proposed Hot Dog King Bowl.

• A huge, horrible tornado hit Tuscaloosa and barely missed Alabama’s Bryant-Denny Stadium. Here’s how you can help out.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg looks at B1G Ten draft bargains. The list rightfully includes the conference’s most efficient 2010 QB and most consistent WR. And, for what it’s worth, Minnesota QB Adam Weber.

• When it comes to the “postseason,” the newly-independent BYU will be treated like Army and Navy, not like Notre Dame. This means an agreement with ………. The Armed Forces Bowl!!!!

• Kentucky has inexperience playing behind an experienced offensive line. Things should improve now that the offense doesn’t have to face Toby “T-Bone” Griffin in practice every day. And yes, I am catching up on Justified, why?

• Stop what you’re doing — Kansas State coach Bill Snyder has officially made it public knowledge that Bryce Brown is talented.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller speaks with Arizona State OC Noel Mazzone. Ted’s video grab is much kinder than the last one we saw.

• Florida CB Janoris Jenkins and Florida coach Will Muschamp have agreed to mutually part ways. Only it wasn’t mutual at all.

• In hopes of keeping their BCS status, the Fiesta Bowl has pitched the BCS on the ways they will reform their business plan. I assume this means fewer strippers, but nothing’s finalized yet.

• Nicki Meyer’s dad isn’t going to Ohio State, you guys. Srsly.

• Presumed starting Illinois RB Jason Ford was arrested on an outstanding warrant. I imagine this means the warrant was both previously existed and was one of the more perfect warrants issued by the local police department.

• Addicted to Quack makes some predictions for the Ducks’ Saturday spring game (ESPN2 4 PM ET). Pay no attention to the radio and podcast host sitting 14 inches from his TV.

• SI.com’s Don Banks issues his final Mock Draft. Adam Weber is nowhere to be found. SI also ranks their Top 50 Overall Prospects. It’s still unclear whether any part of that last sentence needed to be capitalized.

• Texas Tech coach Tommy Tuberville is (was?) a birther. Do with this information what you will.

• Take a page from Auburn OC Gus Malzahn‘s playbook. Seriously, here’s a page.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vybSGMkqWbQ

Enjoy your Thursday.

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Hugh Grant, Oxford graduate. He is awarded this honor because apparently, two important people are getting married in England this week. Also, Grant is foppish. I think somebody actually invented the word “foppish” to describe Grant.

*****

• Ohio State officially received its notice of allegations from the NCAA, who are total HATERZ.

• More Florida players favor herbal remedies. Oh and pot. Lots of pot.

• Nebraska coach Bo Pelini signed a new contract a few weeks ago. I was sworn to secrecy, but one major incentive includes provisions for a curved hat bill that surpasses all geometric laws.

• CBS’s Adam Jacobi wasn’t exactly wowed by the passing display put on in Ohio State’s Pryor-less spring game. He was, however, smitten with Jim Tressel’s boots.

• Rich Rodriguez spoke to CBS Sports bloggers about various football and personal topics. I didn’t read everything, so I’ll just assume he accuses most of the Michigan athletic department of being furries.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg speaks with Wisconsin’s running backs. West Coast Kevin may be right in openly wondering why we’ve never seen Rittenberg’s legs. The smart money is on him as a hovering Big-10 blogger.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller very politely points out that UCLA wasn’t very good in its spring game Saturday night.

He also accidentally becomes half of the greatest college football video screengrab of all time while interviewing USC defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin.

• FoxSports’s Lisa Horne reviews USC’s spring game. She was impressed by the secondary, which had the ideal assignment of playing against USC’s passing game.

• Oregon has specific spring game uniforms that feature camouflage and military-type ribbons. I’m given credit for the picture, even though I’m always roughly 850 miles from the Oregon locker room at all times.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples looks at Texas A&M and wonders if the winning belief is strong in College Station. He also rips six east Texas BBQ shacks for having too many vinegar molecules in their sauce. Perfectionist, that Staples.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel mailbags it up for the first time this spring. He doesn’t seem to be as in love with Oregon as others might be at this point, which clearly points to him being a HATER HATER HATER HATER HATER.

• Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday profiles Oklahoma State QB Brandon Weeden, the Danny Almonte of Big 12 QBs.

• A site has been created with the sole purpose of trying to get Cam Newton to take a lie detector test. Newton would in turn receive one million dollars for answer four questions related to his recruitment. Must be nice to have so much disposable income without the cares of perspective, rational behavior, or basic intelligence.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the trailer for “Our Idiot Brother.” Paul Rudd’s sweater makes me giggle.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oglpsxVjRY

Enjoy your Monday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by UCSB graduate Dan Harmon, creator of Community, which made me laugh more than anything else did last night. It’s gotten unbearably easy to make it into this spot. Oh well.

*****
• Toomer’s Corner poisoner Harvey Updyke was attacked a couple of days ago after a hearing, so naturally he called into the Paul Finebaum show yesterday. It was all very much absurd and amazing. SB Nation’s Holly Anderson summarizes.

• Alabama coach Nick Saban recruits thoroughly. ESPN’s Jamie Newberg foolishly thinks he can enter the Saban recruiting world and not come back scarred and alone.

• If you at all watched Utah after mid-October, it should come as no surprise that the Utes’ defense was ahead of the offense during the spring game. The SLC Punk may need to start warming up his arm.

• Top RB recruit Jonathan Gray has selected … TEXAS!! Do you believe in Miracles? … YES!!

• Clemson coach Dabo Swinney hosted a Clemson Fantasy Camp. Oh sure, it’s all middle aged fun and games until #95 falls down the hill. Fine, that was fun too.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller reports that USC coach Lane Kiffin is ready to be judged by his winning. As opposed to what exactly before?

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg has a pleasant conversation with probably Wisconsin QB Jon Budamayr. At first glance, his name appears fun to say. I’ll keep you posted.

• Fox Sports Midwest tries to make sense of Blaine Gabbert’s run at QB for Mizzou. To my unprofessional, untrained eye, he always looked above average, but never worthy of elite conversations. That’s why they pay me the big bucks.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples has had it UP TO HERE with the BCS’s threats regarding their anti-trust lawsuit. UP TO HERE!

• Michigan CB Cullen Christian is leaving Ann Arbor, making him the 47th defensive back to leave in two years. Hurts.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a Super Mario proposal. As in marriage proposal. I always approve of dorklove. Always.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_CxFnKrMBw

Enjoy your Friday.

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Ty and Dan talk with Ryan Abraham about Matt Barkley’s progression, the good side of Lane Kiffin, USC’s football facilities, and wild trysts atop tall buildings.  Plus, Stewart Mandel lays the lumber to a Verballer voicemailer.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Columbia alum Art Garfunkel. Why? Just look at him. He’s Art Garfunkel, damnit.

*****

• Ohio State AD Gene Smith talks about his “nightmare” situation with Jim Tressel.

• CBS’s Tony Barnhart has ten burning SEC questions. If the burning continues tomorrow morning for Mr. Barnhart, I recommend a trip to a physician for antibiotics and a stern talking-to about life decisions.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel isn’t thinking happy thoughts about Auburn‘s immediate future. HATERZ!!

• Former Alabama RB Mark Ingram is your NCAA 12 cover model, beating out Auburn’s Nick Fairley and two overvalued NFL Draft prospects.

• Iowa State coach Paul Rhoads punches a moose. AC-TING!!

• If you guessed “deer antler” as the source of a secret supplement that Auburn players used last year to supposedly heal faster, you have chosen wisely.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelson visited TCU and has some double dashes to report.

• She also got some voice time with Boise State coach Chris Petersen. The usual topics were broached.

• Iowa State doesn’t quite seem to have a QB yet. Here’s to hoping I don’t have to copy/paste that in early October.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg visits Wisconsin and spends most of his space explaining why the Badgers can’t really complete a pass yet.

• Fox Sports’s Lisa Horne profiles incoming UCLA freshman QB Brett Hundley. Apparently, he has a magnificent smile.

• Don’t drop USC QB Matt Barkley‘s passes or run the wrong route. Just… don’t.

• Northwestern QB Dan Persa‘s achilles is coming along nicely. You know, for an achilles that completely exploded.

• New San Diego State coach Rocky Long isn’t a fan of Boise State’s blue turf. Boohoo.

• South Carolina hearts Phil Collins.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is proof that, even if you don’t like the Foo Fighters, a giant band playing in a random guy’s garage is always cool.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWciVk_-5eo

Enjoy your Wednesday.

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Danny Pudi, whose Abed “character” admirably (and scientifically) calculated who was indeed the boss on “Who’s the Boss on last night’s Community. Play on, player. Play on.

*****

• The Pac-12 is having discussions with Fox, ESPN, NBC/Comcast, and Turner, with a figure of $2.3 buh-buh-billion dollars being thrown around for a ten year commitment. I’ll say it again, I’ll quit The Solid Verbal RIGHT NOW. No questions asked. If need be, I can even arrange the kidnapping of Ty. I can do it. Let’s do this thing.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd speaks with Penn State assistant Jay Paterno about the terrors 7-on-7 tournaments and its effect on recruiting. Of course there’s always possibility that the passing schemes at these camps overwhelm the Nittany Lion playbook.

• USC‘s got a whole lotta offensive line woes goin’ on.

• New Minnesota coach Jerry Kill is ruthless when comes to efficiency. The latest victim? The Killstache. RIP.

• ESPN’s Edward Aschoff previews tomorrow’s Ole Miss spring game.

• Aschoff does the same with Georgia, but with more allusions to moving violations.

• Tomorrow is a big Big East spring game day. Damn and it falls on the same calendar square as Dan Rubenstein Violent Nap Day.

• Wisconsin RB Zach Brown is an angry man, but in a good way. Like a dairy-fed Charles Bronson.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett interviews new Pitt coach Todd Graham. If you listen to yesterday’s show, you’ll be horrified at the statistics cited here.

• Five-star class of 2011 DT Delvon Simmons officially signed with Texas Tech after skipping out on North Carolina. He had long expressed a desire to play in a city a bit more nowheresy.

• As good as Alabama appears to look this fall, QB is still very much a question. As is, “How do we make this Brent Calloway story go away?”

• Fox Sports Ohio handicaps the Ohio State interim QB race. Jim Tressel appears to be covering up where he’s leaning.

• Vanderbilt OL coach Herb Hand CAN TAKE A HIT.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples says Big 12 commissioner Dan Beebe is on the right path financially with the Big Twenelve.

• Texas A&M recruiting letters have, well, flair.

• EDSBS is raising money for an outstanding organization. If the mood strikes, stop by and help out.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is one of the better examples of everyone having an ability to do something outstanding. This girl sounds like animals. Her collection of birds is a revelation.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcVFM4X7OSg

Enjoy your Friday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Kate Upton because, damnit, she Dougies for Arash Markazi. And appears on Jimmy Traina’s podcast. And looks like Kate Upton.

*****

• Former Auburn OL Chaz Ramsey, who was interviewed on the HBO special about money and NCAA athletes, will speak to the NCAA about his allegations of under-the-table payments and ticket sales.

• After falling to 4th on the depth chart, Ole Miss QB Nathan Stanley will transfer. This makes it a perfect 10 players to leave Oxford since the end of 2010. I blame the Tom Kite Black Bear.

• The Big 12 has a new TV deal with Fox Sports worth a little over a billion (with a “b”) dollars to show all Big 12 sporting evens, including every football game that ESPN/ABC or school-operated channels won’t. To clarify, this even includes any Kansas/Iowa State matchups.

ESPN’s David Ubben reacts.

• Arizona State and Washington State have new uniforms. I’m grading Wazzu a bit higher on this one. Gray gets the nod.

• ESPN’s David Ubben visits Stillwater to get the straight poop on Oklahoma State. Pyongyang awaits your thoughts, sir.

• Northwestern and Notre Dame are going to play each other. They’ll fight over the Mandel-Hildenbrandt Cup.

• Kentucky QB Morgan Newton is once again starting. Let’s hope that sentence isn’t vacated.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg files notes from Ann Arbor. Like most of us, he’s captivated by QB Denard Robinson‘s effortless smile.

• How are things at QB in Berkeley? Good? Average? Uncomfortable? I have no idea.

• Want to know what USC QB Matt Barkley sees (other than possible rooftop shenanigans)? Fox Sports West straps on. A camera.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples profiles Keyshawn Johnson’s 7-on-7 team and training program, which definitely isn’t AAU football. Definitely not.

• You know that new Purdue Pete brought in to be less scary to the kiddies? Already done in West Lafayette.

• A former BYU professor explores Cougar athletes (mainly football players) and honor code violations.

• Rivals profiles Florida State QB EJ Manuel because it’s April and that’s what you do in April.

• Penn State QB Robert Bolden‘s mom has no idea where her son will be going to school this fall. Perhaps a phone call is in order.

• EDSBS has an updated Howard Schnellenberger Top 25. Suspenders are just CRUISING.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the trailer for Rise of The Planet of the Apes. Damn you James Franco!!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqyKYrDta_E

Enjoy your Thursday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by NYU alumnus and brief Social Network actress Rooney Mara, one of the more eligible ladies anyone will come across. And by that I mean STRAIGHT. CASH. HOMEY.

*****

• Notre Dame WR Michael Floyd remains suspended from the team (pending unknown Chip/Brian Kellyian hurdles), but will be allowed to enroll in school this fall. About right.

• Rivals is now considered to be a “scouting service” under new NCAA bylaws, meaning coaches and programs can no longer subscribe to the “service.” And in a quieter story, Bill Plaschke is no longer considered to be “credible columnist,” so it’s a violation for any fan to read his work Noted.

• Purdue K Carson WIggs nailed a 67 yard FG in the spring game. All 738 attendees got quite a show.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd thinks LSU’s patience in Jordan Jefferson is fleeting. In tough times, though, it’s always important to think of the innocent, affected interceptions. They didn’t do anything wrong.

• And the Valley Shook has thoughts on LSU’s spring game. They’re feeling something weird in their pants when they watch the Tiger DBs. Acceptable.

• ESPN’s David Ubben visits Stillwater and gets a lot of Weeden.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller dapperly speaks to Stanford coach David Shaw.

• Illinois is trying to find a few great linebackers. Ok, pretty good. Ok, decent. Ok, willing.

• ESPN’s Edward Aschoff has Florida spring game notes. It’s even painful to read.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg has Iowa notes. Vandenberg ahoy!

• Georgia OT Trinton Sturdivant tore an ACL for the THIRD TIME. Awful.

• USC WR Markeith Ambles simply didn’t show up at Saturday practice. Check the roof!

• Tim Tebow has a statue in front of Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. It’s going to be weird for everyone when his furry sex dungeon is exposed. Perhaps I’ve said too much. Rawr.

• Fox Sports Florida profiles probable starting Florida State DE Bjorn Werner, a large powerful German dude. Advantage Noles.

• SI.com’s George Schroeder goes old school and profiles Arkansas QB Tyler Wilson. This has “Excuse to go to some BBQ place in Arkansas” written all over it.

• Purdue changed up their mascot, Purdue Pete, almost entirely because they’re incredibly lame.

• Colorado QB Tyler Hansen had a solid spring game for Colorado. In Buffalo-ese, this is otherworldly.

• Rivals takes an early look at 2011 scheduling. DO NOT READ THIS, COACHES!

• Oklahoma WR Justin McCay self-reported an injury. The Sonner spring game line is now off the board.

• “UCLA football player” is the new Spinal Tap drummer.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is an adjusted Miley Cyrus song with terrible lip reading (on purpose).

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ii5IUihNuno

Enjoy your Monday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by former State University of New York Maritime College student Geraldo Rivera. I don’t know how a place can be a university and a college, but it does make sense that crazy ol’ Geraldo went there.

*****

• Due to state budgetary restrictions, Nevada is close to losing Division I status. It’s wrong to blame the Boise State kicker right? Right?

• South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia is now officially suspended indefinitely for misbehaving at a “SEC-mandated event.” The rumor is he showed up drunk. Hm, that’ll do it.

• ESPN’s David Ubben reviews Big 12 coaching moves. It’s mostly filler until you realize how fun it is to say “Chad Glasgow” in a funny Scottish accent. It’s comedy, people.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg profiles Purdue QB Rob Henry with words and moving pictures. Internet tycoon!

• Clemson has a new offense, and if I’m to judge based solely on this one picture of new QB Tajh Boyd, it either involves extra padding or extra pudding.

• Run with USC WR Robert Woods. He has a camera strapped to him, so really you have no choice.

• Watch Alabama coach Nick Saban‘s statue being built. It’s actually pretty cool — a lot of back sweat went into this.

• 247Sports ranks the top 247 prospects of the 2012 recruiting class. I’d tell you more, but The Solid Verbal is yet to receive a media account for this wonderful site. Ahem. <— Shameless

• Oregon coach Chip Kelly and Urban Meyer talk spread offense tactics. It’s a nerdy delight.

• Notre Dame LB Manti Te’o probably won’t play in the Irish spring game. It’s just a precautionary measure to give his knee more recovery time and … HEY TY GET DOWN FROM THERE HE’S GOING TO BE FINE.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Stephen Colbert learning to high tea. Yes, that’s a verb.

Enjoy your Thursday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Pat Sajak, Columbia College (Chicago) alumnus. I condsidered using him alongside Trebek in last week’s video, but there’s just too much damn clapping and crazy sounds behind his voice. Gotta keep it clean, Wheel.

*****
• Touted UCF QB signee DaMarcus Smith asked for his release just a few weeks after signing day. This is after a last-minute switch to UCF from Louisville. I’m guessing Smith is the annoying guy at the table who asks for a couple more minutes while everyone else is ready to order. Twice.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer previews Oregon’s spring. He has the audacity to use the word “Yruretagoyena.”

• Penn State DE Pete Massaro tore his ACL and will miss the 2011 season. And this is after WR Curtis Drake broke his leg last week.

• Ohio State coach Jim Tressel signed things last week while weird looking people looked on. There’s no way this series of photographs can be described more accurately.

• Things are a-changin’ in Minnesota. KILLLLLL.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller attended a Utah practice and now he thinks he knows everything. Ok, he knows enough for six solid bullet points.

He also lists Pac-12 QB depth charts.

• Urban Meyer goes to a Notre Dame practice and watches them hit each in close confines. Settle down.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg has Nebraska practice bullet points. Only four, though. Point Miller.

• Lane Kiffin, actor.

• Football Study Hall statifies the Houston Cougars. You knew this was coming. Statify!

• FX will show a weekly game this fall from a pool of Pac-12, Big 12, and Conference USA games. Game changer. Something else.

• The Pac-12 is considering Sunday games if the NFL lockout continues. Fun.

• Illinois is having a series of practices this spring. Rivals’s Tom Dienhart confirms this.

• Rivals also previews UCLA and Rutgers. Yes, this is the meat of the Click Chorus.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the best 90s Internet warning video I’ve seen all day. I now know that mustachioed sleeveless men are skeevy. Saved me a lot of time.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Yo_24bC_cM

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Don Draper, since we won’t be seeing him for at least another year, damnit.

*****

• SI.com’s Andy Staples says Ohio State coach Jim Tressel is leaving his school few options in regards to his future. School president Gordon Gee might have to fire himself to avoid this.

• South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier was fake arrested last week at practice to prove a point. Wonderful.

• This is Alabama‘s newest defensive tackle. Man, I remember when I looked like that. Glad that’s all behind me.

• Texas Tech had a spring game. It looks like their #1 QB going into summer workouts is somebody named “Seth Doege,” which I will probably pronounce “dough-gee” until mid-October.

• The scuttlebutt is that ESPN’s Ted Miller picked the three best offensive and defensive players from each Pac-12 team and then listed them. The debates will never end from this one!

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett had a conversation with Cincinnati coach Butch Jones. The key word here is “toughness,” which means not a lot of preparation went into this interview.

• It’s Alabama RB Trent Richardson’s time. Some say he’s better than their last running back who won a Heisman trophy and was consistently much more productive. Some say.

• Fox Sports West tries to look at the new position battles at USC, but the words “Kiffin” and “Barkley” appear more than anything else. Oh well, they tried.

• Miami OT Seantrel Henderson showed up last year weighing 385 lbs. The word “hero” is thrown around a lot these days, so I’ll just stick with “huge guy who seemed to care very little about his conditioning until now.”

• Central Michigan took a few steps back in 2010. Since I’m still almost positive some  disgruntled former Chippewa wrestlers stole my wireless microphone receiver in 2008, this doesn’t completely ruin my day. And yes, it IS all about me.

• Rivals’s Olin Buchanan previews Oregon’s spring. Apparently, they’re aiiiiiiigggggghhhhhttt.

• My boy Olin does the same for Washington and then two other Rivals writers look at Cincinnati and Maryland.

• USC coach Lane Kiffin and perennially injured RB Marc Tyler bickered back and forth about the cause of Tyler’s hamstring injury through an Orange County Register blog. Charming.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the easiest way to calm down a screaming baby … Norwegian Black Metal, duh.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=x01j3M3PrGk

Enjoy your Monday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Ty and Dan talk with Charles Robinson from Yahoo! Sports about breaking controversial news, the drama at Oregon and Ohio State, and the impact his reports have had on college football.

Ty and Dan talk with Ted Miller from ESPN.com about the addition of Utah and Colorado to the Pac-12, the personality of Chip Kelly, a Locker-less Washington, and the hot seat in Westwood.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Yale dropout Claire Danes. You know what they didn’t invent at Yale? The Facebook. And yes, I just saw The Social Network again, why?

*****

• Yahoo!!!!!! and ESPN are reporting that Oregon paid recruiting services, reported it in their financial statements, but are not being investigated by the NCAA for doing so, at least not as of now.

SI’s Andy Staples actually has firsthand experience with these camps and services and weighs in.

I’m warning you now, though, your favorite older columnists will or have already turned into Helen Lovejoy over the ordeal.

• Northwestern QB Dan Persa is healing. Woo.

• Former Pitt coach Dave Wannstedt disagrees with the Panthers being singled out by the SI crime story and defends his discipline record. Methinks, Dave, methinks.

• Michigan blog “Maize ‘n Brew” debriefs the Rich Rodriguez era.

• Auburn lost around $600,000 on the BCS Championship game. Shouldn’t have bet the over, guys.

• John Bond, the former Mississippi State QB in the middle of the Cecil/Cam Newton ordeal says the recently-released audiotape is “not authentic.” Dun dun DUNNNN.

• Washington RB John Fogerson was arrested Thursday for marijuana possession and resisting arrest. And by that I mean he ran away. Brave.

• Clemson enters a new era with new QB Tajh Boyd. Prediction: 8-4 will somehow feel fresh in 2011 for the Tigers.

• CBS Sports columnists pick their favorite stadiums. The Coliseum comes in at number ten, which tells me that nobody CBS Sports has never been to The Coliseum. Expensive/inconvenient parking! No comfort! Bad sight lines! Top ten!

• EDSBS Fulmer Cup Update? EDSBS Fulmer Cup Update!

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the new video for the The Strokes single “Under Cover of Darkness.” Beyond it being a good song, it was a good reminder that music videos somehow still exist.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l09H-3zzgA

Enjoy your Friday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Ty and Dan talk with Clay Travis about Lane Kiffin, quarterbacks in the SEC, the bear population in Mississippi, and tattoos.  Plus, what the F is the Internet?

He is a graduate of the University of Ottowa and Today’s Chorus sponsor. Who is Alex Trebek? (see what I did there?)

*****

• Purdue WR Keith Smith has been denied a sixth year of eligibility.

• EDSBS’s Spencer Hall is terrified/mildly aroused (terrifoused?) at the new Nick Saban statue that will soon be found on Alabama’s campus.

• The Wall Street Journal is intrigued by SEC oversigning. My favorite sentence? “Sometimes, however, the math simply goes awry.”

• Michigan QB Denard Robinson appeared on Jeopardy! last night. For realsies.

• ESPN’s Chris Low reviews both the weekend and yesterday’s performance by the SEC at the NFL Scouting Combine. It all means very little.

• Ditto for ESPN’s Ted Miller and the Pac-12.

• ESPN’s Mark Schlabach (BAH) has eleven spring storylines to follow. It only involves noteworthy or recently successful teams. Amazing.

• Here’s a glance at Ole Miss‘s new mascot head. Tom Kite is already gushing over the headwear.

• Was Cam Newton in the room when Cecil Newton was allegedly recorded on tape talking about pricing? I have no idea.

• Stanford‘s just cruising along, thanks.

• Rivals’s Tom Dienhart puts together a (99% west coast-free!) dream team staff. His two DL dream team coaches were the front line of defenses that finished 7th in the Pac-10 and 7th in the SEC against the run last year. Wonderful.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Jimmy Kimmel guiding supremely attractive women onto exercise balls. And then they hump the balls.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKekcHMiVVg

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you, once again, by Natalie Portman. I’m told she’ll pregnantly win an Oscar on Sunday. I can’t imagine that there’s any other reason to watch in earnest.

*****

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel fires a shot across the bow at Tennessee AD Mike Hamilton, the man responsible for hiring coaches accusing of violating NCAA rules in both of the school’s major revenue sports.

• If Stanford QB Andrew Luck gets dinged up this fall, he’s still getting PAID.

• Atlanta DE prospect Lorenzo Mauldin accepted an offer to play for South Carolina. And then the day before Signing Day, the school told him, “Not so much.” SEC Football!!!!!

• Texas coach Mack Brown closed spring practice to observers. Prediction: QB Garrett Gilbert will somehow still throw it to the wrong color jersey at some point.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer kicked it with new Miami coach Al Golden. God, my descriptions are so hip.

• USC hired a new WR coach. His name is Ted Gilmore and here to say … he hopes QB Matt Barkley stops staring down his new receivers so much.

• New Texas OC Bryan Harsin had an offer for more years and more money from Les Miles to perform the same job at LSU. Unfortunately, it required coaching at LSU.

• ASU QB Steven Threet is stepping away from football due to suffering multiple concussions. Smart dude.

• California Golden Blogs created a formula called QB Score as a new way of measuring passing efficiency, which concentrates on generating yards against not generating turnovers. I don’t fully understand it, but Cal QB Brock Mansion is well into the negatives, so it feels right.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples reveals his all two-star team. I assume a jar of BBQ sauce or a rib bib gets shipped to each member in their goody bag.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelson previews the springs for some notable non-AQ teams.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett does the same for Notre Dame.

• Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday profiles Baylor’s “Mr Indispensible,” QB Robert Griffin.

• Wonderful Terrific Monds II is officially a Buffalo Bull. Awesome?

• The Wiz has the complete list of NFL Combine odds. Of course he does.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is an exploration into the habitat of the Wyoming offensive lineman.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=haBv3g15mGU

Enjoy your Friday.

Ty and Dan examine the strange case of “Al from Dadeville,” the ballad of Rick Neuheisel, and the various assistant coaching hires around the country.  Plus, listener messages.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Chris Farley, who apparently loved the Green Bay Packers. And Paul McCartney.

*****

• Top OT recruit Cyrus Kouandjio signed with Alabama after all. Auburn fans are claiming recruiting shenanigans, which is funny because Auburn fans are claiming recruiting shenanigans.

This includes the daughter of former Auburn coach Pat Dye, who herself was active on Kouandjio’s Facebook page. Classy.

• ESPN’s Desmond Howard and CBS’s Phil Simms had to separated over Simms’s anger over Howard’s tweets re: Simms’s son, Tennessee QB Matt Simms. It’s all very exciting.

• According to ESPN’s Joe Schad, former Michigan QB Tate Forcier is down to five lucky schools. It’s like The Bachelor but with an undersized, overrated, pouty QB.

• Nebraska is trying to hire former QB and current Oregon WR coach Scott Frost to an open offensive coaching position. He’s apparently well-liked by Huskers coach Bo Pelini, which seems to make him the only one right now.

• There are new assistants in the B1G Ten. Rejoice!

• Touted Florida QB recruit Jacoby Brissett made a decision (Florida) and faxed in his LOI. Beeeeeee dooooooooo buuunnnnnn bunnn krrrrrrrrrrr shhhhhhhhhh. That’s what a fax machine kind of sounds like.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel tries to figure out what exactly Alabama coach Nick Saban is talking about when he addresses the Tide’s funny little oversigning habit.

• Some Ole Miss fans aren’t giving up the Colonel Reb fight. And they’ve taken to the streets! Ok, billboards.

• USC DL coach Ed Orgeron is the subject of an NCAA investigation. Of all the coaching staffs of all the teams in college football…

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Christina Aguilera’s Super Bowl national anth. What? If she can skip parts, so can I.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=byWqsfP1eKo

Enjoy your Monday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Oklahoma alumnus Olivia Munn. I could be wrong, but head to head, I’m going with the Sooner recruiting class of 2011 to outlast Munn’s NBC show, “Perfect Couples.”

*****

• Rich Rodriguez talks about his time in Ann Arbor with CBS’s Dennis Dodd. If you can believe it, he’s a bit defensive. See what I did there? Nailed it.

• Alabama had a dance team girl retrieve faxed-in letters of intent during Alabama’s live video stream Wednesday. She was wearing her uniform and is attractive. Dun dun DUN.

• Nebraska coach Bo Pelini celebrated the Huskers’ great class on Signing Day by not holding a press conference and getting rid of some the staff members that brought in the 2011 class. Buzzkill.

• Florida QBs Trey Burton and Jordan Reed are no longer QBs in OC Charlie Weis’s offense.

• Undecided QB recruit Jacoby Brissett (West Palm Beach, FL) is rumored to be announcing for Florida tonight. And he would be a QB in OC Charlie Weis‘s offense.

• UCLA QB Kevin Prince is still hurt. I copy/pasted that sentence from an item in October.

• The list of players invited to the NFL Combine has been released. Upon first glance, I noticed the oversight of no Lafayette Leopards. They’ll make you pay, NFL, they’ll make you pay.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers analyze the recruiting cycle for the various teams and conferences they cover. I now know BYU has an incoming OT named Ryker Mathews, who is now my favorite incoming BYU OT.

• ESPN’s Mark Schlabach has updated his too-early Top 25 after Signing Day. We can now all exhale.

• ESPN/ABC analyst Bob Griese retired from broadcasting after a 30 year career calling games. Now it’s just time to relax and enjoy life. And tacos.

• Touted 2011 OT recruit Cyrus Kouandjio still doesn’t know where he’s going to sign. I say we give the kid a break — have you ever had ONLY two years to make A decision. Exactly, back off.

• SB Nation’s Holly Anderson (Peete) looks at how the roster of new coaches fared on their first Signing Day.

• The Class of 2011 is soooooo earlier this week. SB Nation’s Andy Hutchins looks to 2012.

• Auburn has behind-the-scenes video from Wednesday. Gene Chizik is a RIOT.

• Ditto for Illinois, though it appears there may have been technological snafus. Yeah, I said “snafus.”

• New SDSU coach Rocky Long is not a fan of BYU.

• Mitch Mustain will NOT be charged with selling prescription narcotics. Whew.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a guy wakeboarding through cranberries. Damnit, now I need some Ocean Spray.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGf6earGAOc

Enjoy your Friday.

Ty and Dan are joined by Brandon Huffman from Scout.com and Chris Pool of ESPN and Scouts, Inc. to discuss all the action from National Signing Day, including the rise of Oregon and Auburn, the fall of UCLA, the marathon coverage by ESPNU, and thunder snow.

Because it’s much easier to just list things than figuring out a cohesive narrative, I organized a chaotic National Signing Day into three thoroughly unoriginal categories.

The Good

Florida State
Certain words come to mind when looking at the players Florida State coach Jimbo Fisher signed, but I’ll go with “unfair.” Depth on both lines has been exponentially secured for years to come and speed has been added to both the offensive and defensive backfields to further load (all from FL) what looks to be the ACC Atlantic division favorite for years to come. Despite all of this, the first thing I think about? E.J. Manuel better not screw this up.

Isiah Crowell
What’s better than announcing your commitment to the big school in your home state (Georgia)? Doing it with a puppy, that’s what. Shrewd.

Urban Meyer
Here’s what we want from our analysts – homework, opinions, and an ability to articulate both of these things in a clear, concise manner. Urban Meyer intimately knew what he was talking about (having recruited most of the prospects he spoke of), took clear positions, and seemed natural doing so 4-5 hours into an all-day broadcast.

USC
There are a lot of reasons why USC is an attractive place to play – location, opportunity, academics, tradition, and exposure come to mind. I’m not sure the promise of development, college coaching success, and program stability fall into that list, which is why the Trojans nabbing ten Rivals 100 players is all the more impressive. Somebody smarter than I now needs to place all this potential in “Potential Transfers,” “Potential Troublemakers,” and “Potential Somehow Reached” columns.

DeAnthony Thomas
Come on, you had to be expecting this here.

This VW Commercial
I saw it yesterday, so it counts.

The Bad

Iron Bowl Pressures
Noted prospects Brent Calloway (OLB) and Cyrus Kouandjio (OT) struggled with their decisions between Alabama and Auburn (and possibly New Mexico or Iowa in Cyrus K’s case) to the point that Calloway had to go into hiding before announcing (Alabama) and Kouandjio developed a nervous tick and couldn’t sleep in the days leading up to Signing Day. I’m assuming the daily phone calls from coaches and ‘round-the-clock harassment from competing fanbases didn’t particularly help. Cut to Kouandjio, despite announcing for Auburn, not sending in his letter of intent, as he remains unsure.

Savon Huggins + Michael Eubank
Two dumb announcement strategies (Huggins to Rutgers, Eubank to ASU) — picking up a hat and either putting it on or almost putting it on before deciding to don another school’s headwear. Weak.

Rick Neuheisel
Go to UCLA. Walk around campus any time of the year. If Rick Neuheisel can’t attract (alleged) top football talent to either stay home in LA or come to LA anymore, he’s doing it wrong. Well, he’s doing it wrong.

Class Rankings
A constant focus of the coverage, even though it’s impossible to realistically compare one group to another when schools have such varying recruiting styles and needs. The silver lining here is almost everyone agreed on a mix of the three or five schools who brought in the most bountiful haul. Even CBS’s Tom Lemming finally put his long-known Notre Dame bias behind him and agreed that … oh jeez, did he really do this again?

License Plate Decisions
Todd Peat, a defensive tackle from Arizona, who by all means may be a terrific human being, chose Nebraska over Arizona State after spotting a Nebraska license plate in his home state, which he interpreted as a sign to choose the Huskers over the hometown Sun Devils. This begs the question — how did he not see Arizona plates in Tempe???

The Uncomfortable

A Different Chris Carter

Ohio State received one less letter of intent than expected after giant OL recruit Chris Carter was arrested for “sexual imposition,” allegedly lying to girls about measuring them for ROTC uniforms. Excuse me, THE “sexual imposition.”

Mitch Mustain, Amateur Pharmacist
Well, that ends that story. Mitch Mustain: Signing Day to Signing Day.

Hokeriguez
Rich Rodriguez took part in an interview of new Michigan coach Brady Hoke. I couldn’t have been the only one to hear the Curb your Enthusiasm theme in the back of my head while watching this, right?

*****
Follow me on Twitter at @Dan_Rubenstein.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Kansas alum Rob Riggle, who I imagine is excited for long lost brother Bret Bielema’s hefty pay increase at Wisconsin. They look very similar … in the faaaaaace!!! Somewhat.

*****

• The Senior Bowl happened. If you missed, here’s a recap to remind you why it was worth missing.

• All the Iowa players hospitalized for rhabdomyolysis treatment have now been released. Safe and speedy, etc.

• Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema officially got paid. Goofy Bielema Smile!!

• Pore over the up-to-the-hour recruiting updates on Bryan Fischer’s CBS blog. Today’s was co-written by CBS’s Charlie Sheen — the college football information is accurate, but the hookers are gratuitous, and frankly, a bit clichéd by now.

• Top Nebraska QB recruit Bubba Starling also happens to be Baseball America’s number one high school baseball prospect, which will ultimately mean he has to make a decision. You know what’s better than not being guaranteed a million guaranteed dollars? A million dollars.

• With Wednesday’s Signing Day fast approaching, ESPN’s Bryan Bennett addresses the recruiting needs of Notre Dame and the Big East. He somehow failed to mention the need for the conference to recruit “college football fans.”

• ESPN’s Heather Dinich looks at the past recruiting evaluations of the All-ACC team. It makes it hard to tell if ACC coaches are terrible OL recruiters or all have amazing OL coaches. I don’t know if I care enough to research any further.

• ESPN’s Jamie Newberg examines the SEC recruiting haul ahead of signing day. He even includes everyone’s cap numbers. Thorough.

• Clemson LB Brandon Maye up and left the Tigers. After finding a graduate program not offered at Clemson, he’ll play his senior year in 2011 elsewhere. All signs point to him being a hell of a park ranger wherever he goes.

• Fox Sports’s Adam Caplan reviews the QBs from Saturday’s Senior Bowl. And Jake Locker. (I keeeeedd!!!)

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall looks at Texas‘s recruiting success in the midst of the school’s coaching attrition. Spoiler: The success is still successful.

• Top USC recruit DeAnthony Thomas visited Oregon on the sly this past weekend and may have changed his pledge from the Trojans to the Ducks. This is a neutral sentence about me being impartial about this news story.

• Did new Indiana coach Kevin WIlson yell at dorm RAs for ignoring him? Yes, yes he did.

• Rivals.com won’t officially report a commitment until a letter of intent is signed. Thanks, Seantrel.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Washington Wizards fans dunking poorly attempting layups. And then not.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDAfFvddDo4

Enjoy your Monday.

Ty and Dan are joined by Bryan Fischer from CBSSports.com to discuss all the latest recruiting news, National Signing Day, and how to balance bathroom breaks with prospect announcements.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by William and Mary alumnus Patton Oswalt. The Tribe went 8-4 and pretty much run the Colonial Conference. And I think Oswalt is funnier than other Tribe alumnus Mike Tomlin.

*****

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd thinks, in light of the Iowa hospitalizations, heads should roll in Iowa City. CBS’s Adam Jacobi expands on everything on his own Black Heart Gold Pants (Iowa) blog.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer continues to update his “Eye on Recruiting” blog with the latest news, visits, and commitments. And it’s all freeeeeeeeeeeeee.

• There’s a rumor going around that Mike Leach could be Oklahoma State’s new offensive coordinator. ESPN’s David Ubben examines that rumor.

• Nebraska and Taylor Martinez‘s dad Casey ended their apparel licensing deal. Casey Martinez claims he initiated discussions, as he’s already made hundreds of millions of dollars from the deal and didn’t want to be a distraction to his son. Or that’s not it at all.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples kindly asks Mark Zuckerberg to shut down Facebook for the good of recruiting fans.

• UCLA’s LT Sean Sheller was granted a sixth year of eligibility — not because of a previous injury, the NCAA just felt bad for UCLA. Ok that’s not true at all.

• Yahoo!!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday examines winning percentage and recruiting rankings. It goes pretty much as expected.

• Former touted USC WR Brice Butler is transferring, a Trojan rite of passage.

• Michigan coach Brady Hoke has started strong on the recruiting trail. In looking at Hoke, I’m not sure there’s any other way. He’s large.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Patton Oswalt telling a barf bag story on Conan. Exquisite.

Enjoy your Thursday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Iowa alumnus and Willy Wonka himself, Gene Wilder. As far as I know, Wilder never faced serious workout-related kidney overuse. Damn, now I need some chocolate.

*****

• A dozen Iowa players were hospitalized with rhabdomyalysis, a kidney condition that stems from, essentially, working out too much and overexerting the kidneys. Iowa Football: We Piss Excellence … and Dirty Brownish Urine.

• College football conferences made a record $170 million from bowls in 2010-11. That’s like pre-hooker Charlie Sheen money, right there.

• Ohio State hired Florida RB coach Stan Drayton to coach Buckeye WRs. Mr. Drayton, please turn in your playbook and oversized wristband.

• ESPN’s David Ubben reviews the recruiting needs of the Big 12. It wasn’t fair of him, given their conference movement and recent turmoil, to put up a giant “EVERYTHING” next to Colorado.

• ESPN’s Joe Schad reports that Tate Forcier is considering nine different schools for his impending transfer — three of which are FCS programs. Didn’t expect to see Florida A&M in the Forcier sweepstakes, but now they’re who I’m rooting for. Rattler Up!

• Former Florida DB Will Hill claimed a hacker took over his Twitter account and somehow it was the fault of “some blogger” for posting the choice tweets. I don’t see how there could be any holes in this story.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel explains how USC coach Lane Kiffin is dancing around the school’s NCAA sanctions.

• Former touted West Virginia QB Barry Brunetti decided to transfer a few weeks ago and now we can all have a great Wednesday knowing he will be taking his talents to Oxford, MS to play for Ole Miss.

• Rich Rodriguez will serve as an analyst for CBS College Sports on National Signing Day. Yep.

• Texas A&M’s AD Bill Byrne is being a Longhorn Network buzzkill. As he should be.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Seinfeld. But serious.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z14_-En-JTk

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Mila Kunis, who was NOT nominated for an Academy Award this morning. This is clearly the next best thing.

*****

• Utah State and San Jose State may or may not be joining the Mountain West. Game changer.

• Former USC RB Stafon Johnson is suing USC for being negligent at the time of his weightlifting neck/throat injury. In situations like these, nobody really wins. Oh, except the lawyers, they definitely do. Fight on!!

• SEC coaches oversign. We know this. SI.com’s Andy Staples isn’t a fan of the fake NCAA bylaw that fails to prevent this from continuing.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg reviews recruiting needs for both the Leaders and the Legends divisions of the Big 10, and yes, I hate myself already for casually writing “Legends” and “Leaders.”

• A UConn donor hates the Huskies’ athletic director and wants his millions back. I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that.

• SI.com’s Andrew Perloff drops a good ol’ fashioned mock draft. Blaine Gabbert is #1 on his board (and Cam Newton 10th), which means “only ran out of the shotgun” is officially dead as a fake QB criticism.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is, in honor of the ongoing Australian Open, a collection of unfortunate racquet and net bloopers. Nobody’s balls are safe.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSgUnKh4QPk

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Salma Hayek, alum of Universidad Iberoamericana, a school once again completely screwed by the BCS.

*****

• The East-West Shrine Game apparently happened. Here are some players that allegedly, even though there’s four years of tape on them, improved their stock playing in a haphazard, second-tier all star game.

• Two freshman Oklahoma starters (WR Kenny Stills, S Tony Jefferson) were arrested for misdemeanor DUI and “interference with the official process” respectively. Oh to be 19 and in Norman, OK.

• UCLA finally bought out OC Norm Chow, who was officially named to the same position by Utah. The Bruins hired former 49ers OC Mike Johnson, who can now tell budding recruits that they can be the next Alex Smith.

• Former Miami coach Randy Shannon interviewed for UCLA’s defensive coordinator position.

• USC finally made its appeal to the NCAA, which will undoubtedly result in something inconsistent with every other decision the NCAA makes.

• ESPN’s Heather Dinich reviews the recruiting needs of each ACC team, which officially kicks off the two nerdiest weeks of the college football year.

• Now that that’s out of the way, here’s more nerdery with Michigan coach Brady Hoke working overtime to keep the Wolverines’ recruiting class together.

• Rutgers QB Tom Savage is transferring, but coach Greg Schiano won’t let his backup QB haunt him at a school that doesn’t play Rutgers ever. Sucka!

• Cal OC Andy Ludwig will take the same position at San Diego State. In a statement, Ludwig said, “I will call a dive, then a bubble screen, then a regular screen pass.”

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is yesterday’s Fat Guy TD. If I ever don’t post a Fat Guy TD, know that SolidVerbal.com has been compromised.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AegmORvD28

Enjoy your Monday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Brittany Snow, who is on some new NBC legal show. She has no alma mater. Two strikes, but I’m not sure I care.

*****

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd profiles the nation’s richest non-bowl team.

• Ohio State coach Jim Tressel has cred coming out of his vest, yo.

• Everything you ever wanted to know about USC’s NCAA appeal.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers make up to-do lists for their respective conferences. Job #1 for the SEC? Finally stop being so bashful about showing conference pride.

• A Texas appeals court threw out Mike Leach’s breach of contract lawsuit against Texas Tech.

• TCU safeties coach Chad Glasgow is Texas Tech’s new defensive coordinator.

• 2 Live Crew’s Uncle Luke is the new DC at Miami Northwestern High School. This can only end well.

• Arkansas is building new facilities to the tune of $35 million. Woooooooo Piggggggg Players Lounge.

• The Wiz (now in full color Comic Sans!) has conference bowl records against the spread and straight up. Did I mention the Comic Sans?

• With National Signing Day around the corner, Scout has its final “Scout 300″ and Rivals its “Rivals 100.” Just know that by clicking around, you’re only further hurting the feelings of every poor kid that tried to block Jadeveon Clowney.

• Georgia received two blue chip commitments yesterday. They both seemed excited about the prospect of playing for a team with a disappointing ceiling.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day features two cellists hammering out “Smooth Criminal.” Culture!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlVbEclPj4c

Enjoy your Friday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Orange Bowl color analyst Jon Gruden. THIS GUY was a backup QB for Dayton in the early 80s.

*****

• Stanford shellacked Virginia Tech last night in the Orange Bowl. QB Andrew Luck was accurate, the line opened up gigantic running lanes, and coach Jim Harbaugh ducked questions about his future and asked that reporters please RESPECT THE PROCESS.

The Detroit Free Press is reporting Harbaugh’s future will come down to Stanford and the NFL — no Michigan plans.

And Michigan should be deciding on coach Rich Rodriguez’s fate shortly. Dun dun DUNNNNN.

In pro-Virginia Tech news, QB Tyrod Taylor did this.

• The Sugar Bowl is tonight. ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg has keys for Ohio State and ESPN’s Chris Low has keys for Arkansas. The rest of their coverage can be found here.

• Iowa RB Adam Robinson has been dismissed by Iowa. This comes after (wait for it…) he was arrested on marijuana possession charges. Who knows what kind of societal dangers he could’ve presented on MARIJUANA!!*

*Of course I have no idea if this is specifically why he was kicked off the team, he could also have been an awful human to everybody around him.

• LSU RB Stevan Ridley has been academically cleared to play in Friday’s Cotton Bowl. LSU‘s offense is expected to remain free of any direction or identity.

• MIssouri QB Blaine Gabbert declared for the NFL Draft. Makes sense. Indiana’s Tandon Doss, also declared. Less sense.

• The Big 10 was swept on Saturday. This video probably doesn’t make it any easier, midwesterners.

• USC coach Lane Kiffin is boring and “unemotional.” And?

• If you believe outstanding MS Paint comics, Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops may have sent his rival’s best coach to Florida.

• Former BYU OC Robert Anae will now run the offense for Mike Stoops at Arizona. I assume loudly.

• Pitt has to hire a coach. And, uh, soon.

• UCLA LB Akeem Ayers has declared for the NFL Draft. He’s the one that somehow did this.

• Yahoo!!!!!’s Tom Dienhart looks at how Oregon and Auburn may react to not playing for five weeks.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day features Top Gear launching a Mini Cooper over a ski jump. Of course it is.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEebpG6P0SY

Enjoy your Tuesday + Sugar Bowl!

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Michigan alum Lucy Liu, who, all things considered, is probably pretty happy with the Christmas Eve Columbus, OH is having.

*****

• San Diego State had their way with Navy 35-14 in last night’s Poinsettia Bowl. SDSU RB Ronnie HIllman is now officially an enemy of the state after what he did to our brave Naval Forces.

• Once again, Ohio State suspended five players for selling awards, rings, and jerseys, including QB Terrelle Pryor, RB Dan Herron, and WR Devier Posey. They’ll sit, if back, for the first five games of 2011, but will be allowed (HURRAY!!) in this year’s Sugar Bowl against Arkansas.

SI.com’s Stewart Mandel says it only helps to support the thought that NCAA‘s punishments are arbitrary and inconsistent. SI.com’s Andy Staples believes the players in question should cut bait and turn pro.

ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg examines the impact of the suspensions.

• Rumors are swirling that Penn State coach Joe Paterno will retire after the Outback Bowl. I’m as stunned as you are.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelson expects sufficient offensive fireworks in tonight’s Hawaii Bowl. Fair enough.

• USC‘s appeal to the NCAA will happen January 22 in Indianapolis. Without knowing exactly what USC will present to defend itself, expect the NCAA’s response to be devoid of any reason, precedent, or consistency.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a collection of amusing things that are somewhat related to Christmas.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmbkk_sXnD0

Enjoy your Friday + Hawaii Bowl + Holidays!

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Bill Cosby, who received a gold medal from something called the National Football Foundation for playing briefly for Temple 50 years ago. No word on how upset he may or may not be about the Owls getting jobbed out of a bowl. Jobbed I say!

*****

• Dave Wannstedt and ‘stache are done coaching at Pitt (but both stay on in a non-coaching role within the athletic department). It’s unclear if it’s termination, resignation, or retirement, but he’s done. And so is star WR Jonathan Baldwin, who declared for the NFL Draft. Offensive coordinator Frank Cignetti takes over and, depending on which stats are important to you, has led offenses at both Pitt and Cal to offensive seasons that fall between average and below average.

• Iowa WR Derrell Johnson-Koulianos is a full-on drug enthusiast. Say goodbye to DJK.

• I don’t know Boise State president Bob Kustra, but I like the fact that he’s willing to go the extra mile to start a feud.

• Speaking of which, Boise State OC Bryan Harsin is being looked at to run Texas’s offense. Perfect, now they just need to start recruiting players who care about “effort.”

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall reviews some of the bowl announcer pairings. He compares Matt Millen to an inexperienced oboe player and it made sense at the time.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers have final conference overviews. It’s essentially them saying the same things they’ve been saying (a good thing) all season long, but now they just, uh, do it again.

• USC may buy its own stadium. In typical LA Coliseum fashion, news on this has been pretty quiet so far.

• This week’s split-SI cover. I don’t know the actual ramifications of a double-jinx, I just know that somebody owes me Coke (a-Cola, DJK).

• Oregon WR D.J. Davis honored late Notre Dame video operator Declan Sullivan last Friday.

• Rivals has All-American teams. Even though Auburn DT Nick Fairley was awarded first team honors, he still suplexed the majority of the Rivals editorial staff. Just because.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a Ford Fiesta driven by professional driver Ken Block. I’m worried about the integrity of the tires.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TshFWSsrn8

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you Nike founder Phil Knight. Thanks, Phil.

*****

• The official bowl schedule is out. I think we all remember where we were for our first Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl.

• The final coaches poll was released, and thus, we finally get to see each coach’s final ballot. It’s even more dumb and biased than we’ve thought all along. Hip hip.

• USC fans fought with UCLA fans because a football hit a car during the pre-game tailgate. It ended with stabbing. Officially, Reggie Bush is being blamed.

• Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer gets up, gets up, and gets down. (via edsbs)

• The AP’s Mark Long reports there are rumors Oklahoma State OC Dana Holgersen is being “eyed” by Florida. Or is using Florida to get, as Ty puts it, an eleventy billion dollar raise from the Cowboys.

• This has nothing to do with anything, but the first few paragraphs of this old CNN/SI profile of Dan Kendra are amazing.

• Given that the regular season is over, ESPN’s CFB bloggers have some pretty definitive power rankings. Oh and bowl overviews. And they’ve collectively made the finest guacamole of anybody ever featured here.

• The Texas Longhorns’ season, in MS Paint.

• And on that note, Texas OC Greg Davis officially resigned and two position coaches retired. Now Texas will go undefeated in 2011. Like for definitely.

• Ole Miss DT Jerrell Powe is going to play in the National Football League. Well, I guess we also thought that about Jevan Snead, so I’ll wait until April to say any more.

• Wisconsin‘s student paper named names. Of students bright enough to sell overpriced bowl tickets in what I’m assuming will be lousy seats in an uncomfortable stadium. Who wants to watch a game from an angle that makes it impossible to see Bret Bielema tasting blood?

• Word from Pullman, WA is Washington State is bringing back coach Paul Wulff. At least that’s what I can make of all those dots and dashes.

• USC student-agent Teague (Teague!!) Egan is now, thanks to NFLPA decertification, just a student. Oh, and a horrible person.

• Oregon play by play announcer Jerry Allen gets emotional during the last few seconds of Saturday’s Civil War. And if you know anything about Jerry Allen, you know that the fact that he was aware of the game clock status is something to celebrate.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel picks through the BCS storylines in this week’s College Football Overtime.

• Lee Corso‘s wacky mascot head has disappeared. Some clues have surfaced, but mostly, this story has made me want to dance to some Basement Jaxx.

• The Wiz has the week in shapshots, the week in video, and the new Colorado coaches arriving.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch.

Enjoy your Monday.

Ty and Dan review a handful of conference championship games and dissect a bunch of projected bowl pairings.

Ty and Dan take a look at the NCAA’s ruling on Cam Newton, TCU’s move to the Big East, E. Gordon Gee’s stupid comments, and the Miami coaching vacancy.  Plus, Verballer voice messages, e-mails and locks of the week.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Top Chef host (new season starts tonight) and Clark University alumnus Padma Lakshmi. Clark doesn’t have a football program, but damnit, just look at her.

*****

• Jon Gruden will apparently meet with Miami AD Kirby Hocutt today. I’m still not sure this happens and isn’t just a leverage ploy for an NFL job, but hey, I’m only ALWAYS right*.

*Except when I’m wrong.

• Donald Trump sent Miami president Donna Shalala another note recommending Mike Leach. Also, Mike Leach is recommending Mike Leach.

• Washington State coach Paul Wulff isn’t sure if he’ll be back next season. It’s hard to tell — you know, because of the continued losing — but WSU has actually gotten better and could come close to a bowl next year. This makes me think that thse school is ready to scrap the whole thing and start over.

• Texas A&M has accepted a bid to play in the Cotton Bowl, where, presumably, they’d play Alabama or LSU and Colby Caillet will awkwardly serenade Mike Sherman. To honor the Aggies’ improved 2010 bowl bid, I’m wearing a regular ol’ t-shirt.

• More on USC student-agent Teague Egan (real name!) from The Wiz. Try making it through this without throwing up a little in your mouth. You don’t win a prize, but you do get the satisfaction of knowing a little bit of your soul has been chipped away.

• Nevada lost some dollars by beating Boise State.

• Clemson QB Kyle Parker will play in the Tigers’ bowl game. Not sure what Clemson did to deserve this, but take the information as you will.

• Florida‘s had a bad year. In all of it is proudly edited together here.

• Air Force coach Troy Calhoun isn’t interested in the Colorado job. And if Colorado hires former coach Bill McCartney, it will appear as if the school isn’t interested either.

• Florida State improved because it’s big dudes are good. OL Rodney Hudson is one of those big dudes.

• Illinois QB Nathan Scheelhaase is a redshirt freshman and isn’t completely horrible.

• The All-Mountain West teams are out and they’re … pretty much what you’d expect.

• USC coach Lane Kiffin says QB Matt Barkley will play against UCLA and points out that anonymous Pac-10 coaches are rooting for him against UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel.

• SB Nation’s Jon Bois takes to hating and appreciating kickers.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel has bowl projections. I totally called Texas A&M to the Cotton Bowl a few items up!

• If Auburn doesn’t make QB Cam Newton available to the media ahead of the Saturday’s SEC championship, they’ll be fined. So weird to think about Auburn having to pay for Cam Newton. Hm.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day features people getting hurt and humiliated in amusing fashion.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDg7CiHAPqg

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Vanilla Ice. I have no idea if he’s a fan of Miami football and/or Randy Shannon, but I can no longer hear anyone say “A1A” without yelling out, “Beachfront Avenue!!!” so I’m sliding him in today.

*****

• TCU is joining the Big East and it will join in all sports (after the 2011-12 academic year). It’s about time -- Coach Gary Patterson can finally tell Texas kids they’ll get to play on Thursday nights in Piscataway, NJ. Where do I sign?

• Miami fired coach Randy Shannon and won’t hire Jon Gruden. Unless they will, which they almost certainly will not.

• Michigan AD Dave Brandon