Ty and Dan rehash college football’s eighth week and discuss Kirk Cousins’ Hail Mary, James Franklin’s casual dress Saturday, Clemson’s chances of going unbeaten, and Nick Foles… in a winning effort!

Ty and Dan talk with Spencer Hall about Will Muschamp’s early marks, LSU-Alabama, the Big Ten, “We” Bombs, and a college football version of The Truman Show.  Plus, picks for all the big action during Week Eight.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Regis University attendee Bill Murray, because he’s Bill Murray and that’s good enough.

*****

• CBS’s Bruce Feldman checks in with his Monday “Big Picture” column. He has many (earned) kind words for Miami QB Jacory Harris.

• The first BCS Standings are here!!!

• ESPN‘s bloggers have power rankings and bowl projections and what they learned, oh my!

• ESPN’s Mark Schlabach has an early Wisconsin-Michigan State preview.

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall has his Week 7 SitRep. Read it.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel doesn’t just do regulation. He does OVERTIME.

• The Wiz has weekly screengrabs, including one particularly hungry Cincy fan.

• Yahoo’s Dr. Saturday digs into the rankings and has weekly superlatives.

Today’s Video of the Day is a guy base jumping off an elevator in Spain. My palms aren’t doing so well just typing that.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdA1nPINVZw

Enjoy your Monday.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Whenever it is that I get my own TV network, ordering episodes of Playwatch, a show that exclusively features college football coaches running in slow motion for uncomfortable periods of time, will be job one. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Ty and Dan review an underwhelming slate of Week 6 action, discuss Urban Meyer rumors, rank the ACC, and analyze Texas A&M’s attempts to simultaneously win AND lose each football game.  Plus, your Reverbs and another round of “Nick Foles In A Losing Effort.”

Ty and Dan rifle through all the Week 5 action and examine their lingering trust issues with Ohio State, Clemson, and Texas.

Ty Hildenbrandt and Dan Rubenstein take a closer look at impressive victories by LSU and Alabama, poke fun at Texas A&M’s pass defense, and devise a diabolical scheme to fix South Carolina’s quarterback problem. Plus, another batch of listener Reverbs and another tale of Nick Foles’ performance… in a losing effort, of course.

Ty and Dan plod through more cumbersome talk of conference realignment and play through Verballer voice messages before previewing week 4 and putting a double-jinx on Saturday’s Florida State-Clemson game.

Ty and Dan roll through the news of the week, Verballer voice and e-mail messages, their picks for Week 3, and present the best Jesse Palmer impression of all-time, courtesy of West Coast Kevin.  Editor’s note: Look for a special Oklahoma-Florida State preview show tomorrow.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by NYU graduate and Lost executive producer Damon Lindelof. This mention is to serve as a reminder that I still hold a grudge.

*****

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer has a week one wrap. Get your knowledge on.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly has week one number dissection. Get some more knowledge on.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel has a new College Football Overtime in which he has the common sense to call the Pac-12 horrible after week one.

• In cased you missed it last night, Maryland wore crazy Medieval Times uniforms AND scored a FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN doing so. (and beat Miami)

• Tennessee has a new crimson-y AD.

• Reading this Heisman Watch collection will only hurt your brain.

• ESPN has conference power rankings. It’s what they do.

• Texas WR Marquise Goodwin is coming back to the Longhorns after saying he would redshirt to focus on track. The Garrett Gilbert Effect!

• SI.com’s Holly Anderson (Peete) has week one judginess.

• Nick Saban still doesn’t have a “starting quarterback” per se.

• Florida DT Shariff Floyd is still ineligible (for now).

• Ole Miss RB Brandon Bolden will miss a few weeks with a fractured ankle. Bad times.

• Oregon CB Cliff Harris and LB Kiko Alonso are still suspended for the time being.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a collection of acceptable NSFW words, at least within the context of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. (NSFW)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Vs78Gh085M

Enjoy your Tuesday.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Ty and Dan kick off their fourth season as hosts of The Solid Verbal by reviewing the news of the week, reading a handful of Verballer messages, and previewing the biggest games of 2011′s opening weekend.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Vassar attendee Anthony Bourdain. If you haven’t seen this week’s No Reservations in Cajun country, you must hate food. Or have other, more interesting things to do with your time.

*****

• Texas A&M will apply to leave the Big 12. Hurray.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd likes Oklahoma as a wire-to-wire #1 team. Or he just needed to write a column.

• Eight Miami players have been suspended for the season opener at Maryland. Guess Jacory Harris‘s confidence will have to wait another week.

• Oklahoma State is down two players for their opener Saturday. They’ll be fine.

• Joe Bauserman is your new Ohio State starting QB. It’s the sort of news that makes you gently nod your head and quietly say, “That’s reasonable” to yourself.

• SmartFootball’s Chris Brown breaks down the “inverted veer/dash read.” You may have seen it run by such undefeated teams as TCU and Auburn. Good enough.

• ESPN has “Sweet Beginnings,” which is either a series of profiles about new players and coaches, or an uncomfortable foray into graphic stories of passion.

• UCLA will play two QBs against Houston. It’s just what they do.

• Wondering about B1G Leaders? Wonder no more.

• Ditto Legends.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples talks Jarrett Lee.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel works overtime.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is John Kransinski and Alec Baldwin and their tomfoolery. Worth it for 9-1-2.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EUTEPFq5iQ

Enjoy your Wednesday.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Longhorn Network mascot McConaughey. Big week for him.

*****

• Miami QB Jacory Harris thinks he’ll be playing in a week. I imagine it’ll be just that easy.

• Also, Harris admires penguins, so there’s that.

• ESPN has conference power rankings. They got the SWAC all wrong. Typical.

• Texas A&M has around a week left before they’re OUT (maybe).

• ESPN’s Ted Miller advises against counting Rick Neuheisel out. The Solid Verbal’s Dan Rubenstein says do whatever you want.

• ESPN’s Ivan Maisel profiles Stanford coach David Shaw and David Shaw’s dad. Aw.

• The Daily says Texas A&M is screwing everything up for everyone. About right.

• LSU‘s 2010 offense totally wasn’t Gary Crowton‘s fault, confirms Gary Crowton.

• SI.com’s Richard Deitsch leads a CFB TV roundtable. Interesting stuff.

• Oregon‘s starting a RS freshman at center against LSU‘s defensive line. Pray for mojo.

• USC LB Chris Galippo is healed and 100%. Translation, he’s feeling better and at around 78%.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is an adorable baby jaguar. Feels right.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWkIMUfamxI

Enjoy your Monday. IT’S GAME WEEK.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Minka Kelly. Gentlemen, start your engines.

*****

• Arrest warrants for second degree battery (felony) have been issued for QB Jordan Jefferson and LB Josh Johns. Not good.

• Eight Miami players are currently ineligible, including QB Jacory Harris. Time to grease some NCAA wheels, Hurricane boosters.

• LSU WR Russell Shepard has been suspended indefinitely for a “compliance” issue surrounding the NCAA‘s investigation of Will Lyles.

• SMU says it’s ready for some Big 12 football. Cute.

• Pac-12 players talk about ASU LB Vontaze Burfict. They’re all wisely very careful with their words.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelson profiles the San Diego State backfield.

• Chip Kelly and Les Miles filmed (separate) ESPN Gameday commercials. I give the acting nod to Kelly here.

• Oregon and Boise State have new NIke Pro Combat uniforms. And they’re weird and great.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel falls in love with five unranked teams.

• Another Arizona defender is out for the year, this time it’s CB Jonathan McKnight. Brutal.

• JoePa is a Skyping machine. I’m told the kids LOVE the Skype.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is OK Go covering the Muppets theme song.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiMZa8flyYY

Enjoy your Friday. (And one more Saturday without football)

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Maryland grad Larry David. Curb was fantastic Sunday and now the Terps get new gear. It’s always good to be LD.

*****

• The LSU players involved in last week’s Baton Rouge bar fight could face felony battery charges.

• The number of Miami players with eligibility issues going into the opener sits around 15. This seems worrisome.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd talks TCU and CBS’s Jerry Hinnen previews the entire Mountain West. Tag Team back again.

• Seth Doege is officially Texas Tech’s starting QB. Not a surprise.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett speaks with Michigan QB Denard Robinson.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg has Wisconsin depth chart notes. (Theres a “1″ next to Russell Wilson‘s name)

• A list of SEC newcomers to file away. Also, SEC scrimmage notes exist.

• Notes from the last Boise State scrimmage can be read.

• Fox’s Gus Johnson visits Tempe (in a private jet) to visit ASU. Let’s all pretend like he isn’t wearing a shirt with his own catchphrase on it, ok?

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly gets his Norman on.

• Whatever, I like the new Maryland helmets.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel picks Dana Holgorsen’s brain. I like.

• SI.com hired EDSBS and SB Nation’s Holly Anderson. She immediately does work re: LSU.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is outtakes from the Food Network’s Sandra Lee. HOMEMADE.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-VNg9y4pB4

Enjoy your Tuesday.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by lovely Emerson College alum Maria Menounos. Don’t be funny around her.

*****

• The death penalty may be a thing for Miami.

• Auburn named Barrett Trotter its new starting QB. I’m guessing yards will be amassed.

• Washington RB Chris Polk had minor knee surgery and will miss the next three or four weeks. Adjust your Husky thoughts accordingly.

• Oregon QB Darron Thomas says he was asleep in Cliff Harris’s speeding car. I buy it.

• The MRI on TCU QB Casey Pachall‘s bum shoulder (from an actual bum!) was negative. Which is positive.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews TCU. Their line graph looks like a scary mouth, which seems about right.

• Dr Saturday‘s Big 12 Week comes to a close. Get it while the gettin’s good.

• Fox’s Gus Johnson talks to Oregon. BUSINESS.

• ESPN’s David Ubben profiles Missouri QB James Franklin.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett has Notre Dame recruiting updates. The little guys are finally making a move.

• Fox Sports’s Thayer Evans profiles Houston QB Case Keenum. Virginity is broached.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples has an SEC preview. Read: It’s ClowneyTime.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is orangutans just trying to stay cool.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMFRZn6HpyA

Enjoy your Friday. Work it.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Ty and Dan discuss the bombshell report putting Miami under the microscope, conference expansion rumors, key injuries around college football, and plow through overflowing voicemail and e-mail inboxes.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by the number one Miami fan (and graduate) in national TV news, Chuck Todd. I’ll bet he’s working for the weekend.

*****

• The death penalty has not been broached by the NCAA re: Miami.

• There is no NCAA realignment summit, according to NCAA president Mark Emmert. That’s what they want you to think.

• Boston College RB Montel Harris will miss some time (and possibly BC‘s opener) after undergoing knee surgery. This hits close to home — we feel what Spaziani feels.

• Miami coach Al Golden wanted a little heads up, that’s all.

• LSU coach Les Miles now says WR Russell Shepard could possibly sit out the Oregon game after all while his compliance issue gets sorted out. Oops.

• Florida released a statement indicating that their players mentioned in the Yahoo! Miami report are cleared to play. Whew.

• Same goes for Kansas State’s Brown brothers, they of paper and high school fame.

• ESPN’s Chris Low asks Auburn QB questions. I’d answer, but my lawyer has advised me against any such action.

• Wisconsin AD and former coach Barry Alvarez (and son) lost over a million dollars to the Ponzi scheme of former Miami booster Nevin Shapiro.

• Former Miami AD Paul Dee wanted the guillotine dropped on USC. He has some ‘splaining to do.

• I apparently went to the wrong UCLA practice.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews the “invisible” USC Trojans.

• SI.com’s George Schroeder has a Pac-12 preview.

• Central Florida has mail!

• Penn State still needs a quarterback.

• Nebraska CB Alfonzo Dennard has a bum leg. Not an actual bum’s leg, but rather just an injury. I’m positive you needed that clarification.

• TCU QB Casey Pachall (“Pa-ha” is what I’m told) has a bum shoulder. This one ACTUALLY IS a bum’s shoulder.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a guy dancing with a bottle opener in front of a cheetah mural. A senior citizen makes a cameo.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkdIVJ3Nngo

Enjoy your Thursday. Support support support. 

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Penn State graduate (and Notre Dame fan) Ty Hildenbrandt. With this morning’s Michael Floyd news, today is his Independence Day.

*****

• Notre Dame WR Michael Floyd has been officially reinstated by Brian Kelly. I’ll bet he learned his lesson.

• Miami OT Seantrel Henderson may miss the 2011 season (or a large chunk thereof) after he undergoes back surgery next week. We’re gonna need a bigger table.

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy has a post-Big East media day profile of West Virginia coach Dana Holgorsen. Only read this if you want to know more about Mike Leach’s sweat pants.

• Virginia Tech OT Blake DeChristopher will miss the next 4-6 weeks with a wonky boob. And that’s how you do a painful injury a complete disservice.

• EDSBS has the least watchable teams in recent CFB history. I’m still not over his Paul Wulff descriptions.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly makes with the Penn State previewing.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller has quick things-to-know on Pac-12 teams.

• The Big East may expand again. I learned this from looking into Ivan Maisel‘s steely eyes.

• Texas and Oklahoma fans brought knives to a knife fight (at Applebee’s). Luckily, the magical phrase, “ruptured scrotum” is nowhere to be found here.

• Rivals ranks receiving corps. They really dropped the ball with Arkansasat #1. <-- Comedy.

• SI.com’s Ben Glicksman says Penn State needs somebody to throw the ball to their own team. Crazy, I know.

• Listen to a fun interview with Mike Leach. Psh, like any of them aren’t.

• Memphis is so edgy.

• Central Michigan is so maroon.

• Continue reading Dr Saturday’s Pac-12 week. Become smarter. Rinse repeat.

• Crap, the Solid Verbal preseason poster was going to look EXACTLY like Florida’s. Back to the drawing board.

• Rivals previews South Carolina. This is your last chance to read this.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a mariachi band serenading a beluga whale. Because it is, that’s why.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS_6-IwMPjM

Enjoy your Wednesday. Shop, don’t drop.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Ty and Dan talk with Jim Young from ACCSports.com about the hype in Tallahassee, Virginia Tech’s chances with Logan Thomas, Al Golden’s impact in Miami, the supporting cast around Montel Harris, and the pure, unadulterated excitement of the Randy Edsall era at Maryland.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Missouri State (then SW Missouri St) attendee, just-announced Community actor, and all-around good thespian John Goodman.

*****

• Big 12 Media Day was full of Longhorn Network fun.

• Former Alabama WR Julio Jones was a man of many suits, just like we all were in college. No big deal.

• South Carolina QB coach G.A. Mangus really had to go. Like REALLY.

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy looks ahead to September 17, the ACC‘s day of reckoning. Dun dun DUN.

• The SJ Mercury News’s Jon Wilner updates the Pac-12′s search for a network partner. Let’s assume for now that The Solid Verbal is out of the running.

• The NCAA will hold a summit to talk about proprietary TV networks. Probably a good idea.

• CBS Sports has a new feature called Rapid Reports with quick breaking news for the bigger CFB programs. And Maryland. (press cmnd-D shortly)

• To those that said ESPN being involved in the Longhorn Network would affect their own Texas coverage… you have a point (via EDSBS).

• Missouri coach Gary Pinkel isn’t a fan of the Longhorn Network.

• Take a look at Texas DC Manny Diaz’s defense. He’s crafty.

• Texas coach Mack Brown talks about protecting QBs. He ends up saying very little.

• ESPN has choice Big 12 Media Day quotes and storylines. Also, OSU coach Mike Gundy‘s hair looks darker.

• ESPN’s Heather Dinich has a Day 2 ACC media day notebook. Punting is somehow involved.

• Boston College coach Frank Spaziani talks the ‘stache. He’s the best.

• Unofficial preseason B1G polls are out. Gobble ‘em up!

• ESPNU’s Tom Luginbill has recruit summaries from something called “Gridiron Kings.”

• Is Clemson coach Dabo Swinney already running out of time? Perhaps, says Fox Sports South’s Andrew Jones.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly doesn’t have a preview today. But if he did, it’d be South Carolina. I’m such a prankster.

• Paralyzed Rutgers DT Eric LeGrand is awesome.

• It’s B1G Week for Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday. Go get yourself some learnin’.

• Michigan’s too good for non-Notre Dame non-conference road trips. Not everyone can be men.

• Former top Miami S recruit Latwan Anderson will be making his way to Cincinnati.

• Rivals previews BYU. Fact: If you read all of the previews Rivals and Dr. Saturday do, you’re somewhere between 10-15x more informed than almost everyone on TV. Do it!

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is my favorite scene from The Big Lebowski (N-S-F-W). Sometimes, I just need it. Happy Birthday, Keeerrrttt1!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPo9OBrIOi4

Enjoy your Tuesday. Get flossy.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Miami attendee and Curb You Enthusiasm mainstay Jeff Garlin. Here’s to hoping that, at one point, Garlin yelled out, “IT’S ALL ABOUT DA U!”

*****

• Former Georgia coach Jim Donnan is accused of profiting off of a Ponzi scheme. I, I, I just have nothing.

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy thinks that if USF is FOR REALZ about succeeding in college football they need to leave Raymond James Stadium. For. Ev. Er.

• Everybody, this is Russell Wilson … Russell, this is everybody. Hurray!

• Is Cal coach Jeff Tedford going and making things so complicated? Maybe?

• Today’s July 18th, which means two things — 1. It’s Vin Diesel‘s birthday, and 2. B1G specialist rankings ARE OUT.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller reviews Pac-12 linebackers. We’re all grateful he led off with ASU MLB Vontaze Burfict, not only because it’s deserved, but also because the safety of Ted’s family was probably at stake.

• Former Georgia Tech C Sean Bedford wrote an open letter to the NCAA that ended with him saying they could pry his 1999 ACC championship ring from his “cold, dead finger.” Well okay then!

• Years after Larry Coker allegedly only used Rivals to recruit, he’s bringing college football to San Antonio.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews Oklahoma State. There’s a pretty good chance new OC Todd Monken is taking notes.

• Former Michigan WR Desmond Howard led a new class into the College Football Hall of Fame. Humbly.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel profiles Michigan coach Brady Hoke.

• As per my understanding of photography and art, Wyoming will be wearing giant, oversized helmets this fall.

• Yahoo!!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday has a very specific set of WAC predictions.

• Georgia‘s loading up on touted recruits. Probably wise.

• Rivals profiles first-year starting QBs who could maybe (potentially) win some games.

• UCLA is getting Vanderbilt CB Jamie Graham, which is pretty much the final puzzle piece for the Bruins.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is what happens when water jet packs don’t, um, jet.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=he2a4xK8ctk

Enjoy your Monday. Today’s Solid Verbal Apparel Day!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Bryan Cranston, LA Valley College attendee and star of Breaking Bad, which I’m about to start (and probably be insufferable about).

*****

• ESPN’s Pat Forde asks: “Why can’t I write a column about pay-for-play?”

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy goes to Provo and profiles BYU and their independence. His hair appears to be short enough to be welcomed by the locals.

• Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dr Saturday projects CUSA, which is a lot easier to write than “Conference USA.” Consider that your introduction to “CUSA.”

• Miami coach Al Golden is getting a lot of “yes” on the recruiting trail.

• West Virginia apparently frowns on the whole armed robbery thing. Prudes.

• ESPN continues to look ahead to impact games, including ones in early December. I imagine these previews will hold up perfectly.

• “Michigan AD Dave Brandon Talks Branding.” OF COURSE HE DOES IT’S IN HIS NAME.

• ESPN previews Pac-12 DEs. It all comes down to the good, the bad, and the Arizona.

• Silas Redd is a running back for Penn State. That’s what I learned.

• The Big East has special teams. That have special teams.

• Who’re the best corners in the B1G? I don’t know, but if you take away that apostrophe in the first word of the question, it becomes funnier and less sensical.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews a Shaky-less Utah. Just isn’t the same anymore.

• Ohio State fans definitely aren’t crazy.

• Rivals previews Iowa. Y’heard it hear first: this is QB James Van Der Beek‘s time.

• South Carolina WR Bryce Sherman takes to the Twitter to announce that he’s GONE. Well, he’s staying, but gone from the team. Something like that.

• Oklahoma State will unveil new uniforms in a couple weeks that will include any number of combinations. Where have I heard this story before?

• South Carolina has new uniforms. I think.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Deadspin editor AJ Daulerio trying to replicate Dock Ellis’s acid-fueled no hitter. It’s a bit NSFW.

Enjoy your Wednesday. The store!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Purdue graduate Jim Gaffigan, who probably, despite the bacon and hot pockets, still has healthier knees than Ralph Bolden.

*****

• Former NC State QB Russell Wilson is officially a Wisconsin Badger. I don’t even know why we’re wasting time actually playing out the B1G season. Sam Keller approves of this message.

• When it comes to the rule that allows Wilson to transfer, SI.com’s Andy Staples is a shameless fanboy.

• The autopsy results pertaining to the death of Alabama OL Aaron Douglas came back positive for multiple drugs.

• The Pac-12 is bringing Apple and Google aboard. Lycos and AltaVista are still totally down to party, Big 12.

• Former Florida Gator and current Miami Dolphin LB Channing Crowder “hypothetically” sold his jerseys while still in school. Hypothetically, I don’t care.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd profiles Miami coach Al Golden. The word “swagger” appears no less than three times.

• Former ASU WR Kerry Taylor has gone public with his lack of confidence in ASU coach Dennis Erickson. It’s almost like Taylor has closely followed Erickson’s career.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg talks to Kansas OC Chuck Long mostly about non-Kansas things. Probably smart.

• Purdue RB Ralph Bolden has intact ACLs. For now.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelson profiles Navy OL Travis Bridges. Spoiler: Root for Travis Bridges.

• ESPN’s David Ubben catches up with former Oklahoma QB Jason White. He now sells clothes on fewer intact ACLs than Ralph Bolden.

• Given its recent circumstances, could Ohio State recruiting take a hit? Probably, says Fox Sports.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly gets all up in the Cougars. I wrote that sentence like that on purpose. BYU.

• It should be known that Marshall has a RB named “Tron.” And that he is not at all above the law.

• Rivals has bounce back players.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a local TV reporter casually taking a last puff from a cigarette … while covering a blazing oil fire.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6UCbNPZEW8

Enjoy your Tuesday. Go buy things.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by my friend Ana Ivanovic, who starts a magical Wimbledon run this week. Also of note, “friend” now means person I will never know and sometimes gawk at from afar.

*****

• Nevada WR Brandon Wimberly was shot in the abdomen, most likely ending his football career. Awful.

• Minnesota RB DeLeon Eskridge, the Gophers’ leading rusher last year, will transfer from the program to be closer to a family situation.

• Former Miami RB Storm Johnson will officially transfer to UCF, where he’ll continue his football career and then inevitably become a local weatherman.

• South Carolina S DeVonte Holloman was arrested for DUI Friday night. Only five more chances, DeVonte.

• The New York Post’s Phil Mushnick knows not of what he speaks, but we already knew that. CBS’s Adam Jacobi dances on Mushnick anyway and it’s golden.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers are profiling programs in urban locations. It’s a June thing, I suppose.

• ESPN’s David Ubben ranks Big 12 QBs. Somebody named Steele Jantz is competing for the Iowa State job, so I’m rooting for Steele Jantz.

• South Carolina DE Jadeveon Clowney is the eighth best DE in the SEC. That was quick.

• West Virginia coach Dana Holgorsen has a quick Q&A with ESPN. He had to make it quick to hurry to an appointment to be shot out of a novelty circus cannon.

• Football Study Hall has a number of creative backhanded compliments for UConn.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples profiles Texas’s offseason. Google Chrome didn’t find one mention of the word, “BBQ.” Total pro.

• Rivals ranks defensive combos. Stanford LB Chase Thomas made the list, despite faking an injury at one point. It doesn’t take much, Rivals, does it?

• The Situation is (probably) being paid to be a Michigan State fan at some point this fall.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Stephen Colbert commencement speaking.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6tiaooiIo0

Enjoy your Monday. Buy clothing.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by former Boy Meets World actress Danielle Fishel. She apparently hosted some show thereafter. The important thing to remember here is that we went to the same high school. And our high school is terrible at football.

*****

• Oregon All-American CB/PR Cliff Harris has been suspended indefinitely in the wake of his driving citation and other outstanding (in a bad way) fines. He’ll miss, at the very least, the LSU game. Say what you will, but Chip Kelly is now probably the Anti-Tressel of the moment.

• ESPN’s Chris Low ranks SEC wide receivers. An innocent enough list until you realize who will be throwing to these guys. And that would be mostly unproven people.

• ESPN’s Heather Dinich gets in on the position ranking hustle and trots out ACC quarterback rankings. Randy Edsall is in charge of #1. I don’t feel good about this.

• Add “saggy pants” to the list of awesome things happening right now for New Mexico football.

• Kegs ‘n Eggs has Bodog Heisman odds. Notre Dame QB Dayne Crist checks in at NotGonnaHappen to 1.

• Football Study Hall does its best to figure out Cal. I don’t think they’ll ever be the same.

• Michigan St is ready to prove the doubters wrong. Unless the doubters live Tuscaloosa, AL. You guys were totally right.

• Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott is, alongside his Big 10 and SEC brethren, also looking into athletes getting a little more scratch.

• The new Longhorn Network will mostly feature Mack Brown doing and saying things.

• Former Miami RB Storm Johnson can transfer anywhere he wants to, so long as it’s not a college or university in the United States.

• Two Kansas football players are taking on other KU athletes at their own sports. This time it’s women’s soccer. The video is a little long but if you start at around the five minute mark you won’t be sorry. Unless you hate comedy.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is terrific advice to graduates of any age — keep on dancing!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WCgKEukISs

Enjoy your Thursday. Buy stuff, etc.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Whitney Cummings, Penn graduate and awesomely mean comedian with two shows getting picked up for the fall. Not bad.

*****

• CBS Sports new guy Brett McMurphy profiles Northwestern coach Pat Fitzgerald, modern hand-holding enthusiast.

• Miami will lose their most appropriately-named Hurricane, RB Storm Johnson, to a transfer request. Apparently the backfield was too crowded for him. Awww.

• Similarly, Iowa’s Adam Robinson will now *officially* transfer. Same goes for Wisconsin RB Zach Brown, though Brown should graduate this summer and become somewhat of a free agent.

• The latest on (alleged) Toomer’s Corner tree poisoner, Harvey Updyke. No feds for you.

• The Columbus Dispatch profiles Gene Marsh, Jim Tressel‘s esteemed attorney. I’m betting he’s used the word “dagnabbit” in the last 24 hours.

• MGoBlog imagines the possibilities if Michigan can simply get their turnover margin to … “mediocre.” This is what John Lennon was talking about the whole time.

• ESPN’s Chris Low looks at the toughest three-game stretches on the SEC schedule.

• ESPN’s David Ubben has a friendly sitdown with ESPNU’s Tom Luginbill to get the skinny on Texas A&M. Verdict: They’re doing aiiiiiggghhhtttt.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett has BIG TEN MEETING NOTES. Game changer.

• Jay from the Wiz of Odds is aggregating dozens of bowl expense reports. Here’s his story.

• A bunch of coaches discuss their favorite stats. Turnover margin is the cool kid here.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day keeps with this week’s trailer theme and is Fox’s new animated Jonah Hill show, Allen Gregory. Given how bad most of the pilots look It’s almost weird to enjoy new network content.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xL3aOAryx_c

Enjoy your Wednesday.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Raylan Givens. I just got caught up on “Justified,” and holy hell is it good. I don’t know if ora where a fictional character went to college, so let’s just assume Oregon.

*****

• Alabama OL Aaron Douglas was found dead in Jacksonville. He was a JUCO transfer who was a freshman All-American at Tennessee. An unspeakable tragedy.

• CBS Sports bloggers debate the merits of supposed post-spring top 25 teams. I believe that’s our pal Adam Jacobi flexing in the first picture.

• You’re not going to believe this, but former Michigan QB Tate Forcier won’t be a Miami Hurricane after all, citing “personal reasons.” Probably a win for Miami here.

• Fox Sports’s Bruce Hooley presumes that Ohio State fans aren’t being realistic about the Jim Tressel situation. Onohedint.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly reviews Colorado with meaningful numbers. If you haven’t yet, take the time to learn Football Study Hall‘s stats. It won’t make Colorado any better, just more interesting.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel took part in a mock exercise walking through the NCAA enforcement process. He was last seen glassy-eyed and aimlessly wandering the streets of New York.

• Miami QB Jacory Harris is vacationing in Idaho and tweeted this. Not entirely surprising. (via)

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the trailer for Owen Wilson’s Steve Nash documentary. Bet you didn’t see that coming.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5jN3sd2mGI

Enjoy your Friday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by the newly single Arnold Schwarzenegger, a University of Wisconsin-Superior correspondence graduate and lover of all things derriere.

*****

• After receiving an extension, Northwestern coach Pat Fitzgerald will be continuing his reign of efficient spread passing terror through at least 2020. TERROR.

• Georgia RB Washaun Ealey will soon be (other team) RB after being granted his unconditional release from Georgia. If he becomes dominant wherever he goes, I’m calling dibs now on a nickname of “The Moving Violation.”

• Missouri QB Tyler Gabbert (younger brother of Sunshine Gabbert) announced his intention to transfer, with Clemson, according to his father, as a possible landing spot. Despite no college passing attempts, Mel Kiper already lists him on the big board.

• Four Miami players of minimal consequence are transferring. Oh well.

• Football Study Hall gets down and dirty with Duke. Not pretty.

• TCU doesn’t return a ton, but they’ve done enough to warrant a spring wrap from ESPN. It’s to be expected that MLB Tank Carder will hunt you down if you don’t click the link.

• Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday examines TressellBall. What, you thought you were done with Craig Krenzel? NEVER!!

• Earlier in the offseason, Rutgers added former Pitt and Cal offensive coordinator Frank Cignetti to install an actual offense. For those expect an immediate impact, take a slow look at that resumé once again.

• USC WR Brice Butler announced his decision to transfer before announcing his decision to remain a Trojan. Without any knowledge to support this, due credit should be given to USC’s new on-campus Chick-fil-A. Works wonders.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Rafael Nadal getting fancy between his legs. Never hesitate to send me trick tennis shots. Never.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mevFnV5rCuI

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by the dreamy former locks of Michael Bolton, who were unable to star in the Lonely Island’s newest video with Bolton himself. It is not known if Bolton has ever graduated from anywhere, nor is it cared.

*****

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd has a post-spring top 25 and includes Auburn. Apparently he knows something we don’t about the potential 2-man spread that Philip Lutzenkirchen and Michael Dyer will be running. Cute.

• Ohio State has again come under the compliance microscope, this time for deals on used cars from local dealerships. I can’t seem to shake the image of Buckeye players using Columbus as a giant gifting suite, so I’ll just go with that for now.

• Michigan WR Darryl Stonum was arrested for driving under the influence.

• Memphis QB Ryan Williams is now officially Miami QB Ryan Williams, though all 6’6″ and 225 lbs of him will be sitting out this fall, joining Ty and me as talented athletes not allowed to play college football in the coming months.

• Is Texas QB Garrett Gilbert going to start once again for the Longhorns? It’s a “probably maybe” at this point and I’m quoting myself there as I react to what The Statesman’s Kirk Bohls thinks.

• ESPN’s David Ubben has a post-spring Big Twen wrap that includes power rankings, though I would argue that the word “power” isn’t nearly as accurate a word as anything lesser would be.

• Penn State should get decent play from its defensive tackles. So there’s that.

• The first numbered Rivals 100 is out. Know that this will change when Rivals sees which schools agree and disagree with their rankings. They’re sluts like that.

• SB Nation’s stat deity Bill Connelly cuddles up to Indiana football. Somebody had to.

• SI.com’s George Schroeder profiles Oklahoma offensive coordinator Josh Heupel. He’s expected to mastermind a season of great hope marred by a loss to a lesser team on the road at night.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a talking dog, no big deal.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiHIZl4RNB4

Enjoy your Monday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Ty and Dan take a look around the national college football scene with SI.com’s Stewart Mandel.  What will come of the federal inquiry into the BCS?  What happens to Jim Tressel in the wake of turmoil in Columbus?  Who is the better pick in the Mountain West, Boise State or TCU?  All that and much more, plus Verballer voice messages, and an awkward conversation about Michael Bay making, well, a different kind of movie.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by high school graduate (!) Kat Dennings, who, um, is in a new, uh, movie, called … yeah, I forget.

*****

• The Pac-12 is getting PAID by Fox and ESPN. Does this mean a dedicated network? Er, at some point? Does this mean that people in western states will be able to always watch their team play? Maybe!!

• Oregon LB Kiko Alonso, who was arrested for burglary Saturday night, has been suspended indefinitely, or as it will soon be known, Kiko Alonso’d.

• Fox Sports’s Jason Whitlock spoke to Willie Lyles, the owner of a recruiting service that’s at the center of much ado. If you thought you were getting fake talk with Whitlock’s podcast, I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong you are.

• Black Heart Gold Pants does some good ol’ fashioned backdoor recruiting for the B1G Ten. Wait, that sounded … HILARIOUS.

• ESPN’s David Ubben locks in on some 2011 Big Twen 100-tackle defenders. If you don’t get on the Jake Knott bandwagon now, you’ll … probably just get on it as soon as you’ve heard of him.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg does the same for the B1G Ten, but with “sack-masters.” Naughty.

• Ohio State presiden Gordon Gee is always down for a goofy group shot.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel examines how Auburn and Oregon can do so well with senior leadership, yet get virtually shut out at the NFL Draft.

• Syracuse was always pretty awful pre-Doug Marrone. Now they appear to be decent. Here’s how Doug Marrone used The Solid Verbal Bump to get his team on the winning track (minus The Solid Verbal Bump).

• Miami OT Seantrel Henderson denied that he’s transferring back home to Minnesota, which means he 100% is. I think.

• USC and Colorado will play on a Friday night in Boulder. Aww, just like high schools do!!

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the first few minutes of last night’s Daily Show. The original guest would’ve been much better.

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Cal pole vaulter Allison Stokke, who I can only imagine is beyond excited to listen to our brand spankin’ new Jeff Tedford interview.

*****

• CBS’s Tony Barnhart is sick and GOT-DANG tired of all the messes off the field in college football and proposes five simple steps to clean up the game.

• Ole Miss QB Randall Mackey has turned the corner after struggling with his voice in the huddle. Good on him.

• Washington State coach Paul Wulff did something entirely human to seal the deal with a recruit across the country.

• Penn State coach Joe Paterno is none too pleased with his offensive line. Oh and also that incessant rock and roll racket.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg visits with Ohio State. I’m sure they love the attention.

• ESPN’s Heather Dinich profiles new Virigina Tech QB Logan Thomas and the expectations surrounding his ascent to starter. And then she herself says he could be a mix of Tyrod Taylor and Cam Newton, so there’s that.

• Some mini-facts from the most recent scrimmages of Boston College and Miami have now seen the light of day.

• Colorado kicker Justin Castor isn’t a fan of Dan Hawkins nearly as much as he is, well, not a fan of Dan Hawkins.

• Yesterday was Colorado and today is Utah in Ted Miller‘s Pac-12 food odyssey.

• Scout.com has released its initial Scout 300 rankings for the 2012 class. #1 QB? Guy named Gunner. No big deal. Gunner.

• Georgia QB Aaron Murray wears a European Carry-all. It’s European!

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the same sink prank done three straight years. To the same guy (language NSFW).

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnHIkS0T9HQ

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Don Draper, since we won’t be seeing him for at least another year, damnit.

*****

• SI.com’s Andy Staples says Ohio State coach Jim Tressel is leaving his school few options in regards to his future. School president Gordon Gee might have to fire himself to avoid this.

• South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier was fake arrested last week at practice to prove a point. Wonderful.

• This is Alabama‘s newest defensive tackle. Man, I remember when I looked like that. Glad that’s all behind me.

• Texas Tech had a spring game. It looks like their #1 QB going into summer workouts is somebody named “Seth Doege,” which I will probably pronounce “dough-gee” until mid-October.

• The scuttlebutt is that ESPN’s Ted Miller picked the three best offensive and defensive players from each Pac-12 team and then listed them. The debates will never end from this one!

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett had a conversation with Cincinnati coach Butch Jones. The key word here is “toughness,” which means not a lot of preparation went into this interview.

• It’s Alabama RB Trent Richardson’s time. Some say he’s better than their last running back who won a Heisman trophy and was consistently much more productive. Some say.

• Fox Sports West tries to look at the new position battles at USC, but the words “Kiffin” and “Barkley” appear more than anything else. Oh well, they tried.

• Miami OT Seantrel Henderson showed up last year weighing 385 lbs. The word “hero” is thrown around a lot these days, so I’ll just stick with “huge guy who seemed to care very little about his conditioning until now.”

• Central Michigan took a few steps back in 2010. Since I’m still almost positive some  disgruntled former Chippewa wrestlers stole my wireless microphone receiver in 2008, this doesn’t completely ruin my day. And yes, it IS all about me.

• Rivals’s Olin Buchanan previews Oregon’s spring. Apparently, they’re aiiiiiiigggggghhhhhttt.

• My boy Olin does the same for Washington and then two other Rivals writers look at Cincinnati and Maryland.

• USC coach Lane Kiffin and perennially injured RB Marc Tyler bickered back and forth about the cause of Tyler’s hamstring injury through an Orange County Register blog. Charming.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the easiest way to calm down a screaming baby … Norwegian Black Metal, duh.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=x01j3M3PrGk

Enjoy your Monday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Ty and Dan pose a variety of random questions about teams from the ACC in an attempt to make sense of 2010 and figure out what 2011 might have in store.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Community’s Yvette Nicole Brown, a proud Akron graduate who should be watching the Zips upset Notre Dame today. You laughed yesterday at my Morehead State reference and look what happened. Don’t doubt me! Or the Zips!

*****

• The NCAA upheld the suspensions of five Ohio State players for selling memorabilia, and then Buckeye coach Jim Tressel self-extended his own suspension to five gamesfor not disclosing knowledge. Who would’ve thunk it would’ve all happened during day one of the NCAA Tournament? Amazing!

Oh and the NCAA hasn’t ruled on Tressel yet so it’s all just PR at this point. Still amazing!

SI’s Andy Staples writes about this using more words than I’m willing to give you for free.

• FINALLY, somebody writes something about Florida’s spring.

• NBC Miami is reporting that up to six Miami players will be suspended for their home opener against Maryland. This story seems to agree with the earlier OT Seantrel Henderson rumor.

• GQ says LSU fans are the tenth worst in all of sports. The picture they chose to illustrate this, well, doesn’t.

• ESPN’s David Ubben bullet points what he saw in Columbia during Missouri’s spring practice. The word “Gabbert” is tossed around quite a bit, whatever that means.

• EDSBS has a condiment bracket. This has nothing to do with college football and everything to do with condiments. Oh and it’s mostly incorrect.

• An Auburn blog is outraged with an off-air Paul Finebaum speech in which he (hark!) seems very much pro-Alabama.

• Rivals Primers: Florida State and Arizona. All Some Stoopseseses must go!!

• Hey Nebraska players, don’t get fat. Thanks.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is movie titles said aloud in movies. Jumanji!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V1sYNvKZt8

Enjoy your Friday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Georgia alum Kyle Chandler. He was Coach Taylor on Friday Night Lights and stars in JJ Abrams’s “Super 8.” Clear eyes, etc.

*****

—> JOIN THE SOLID VERBAL NCAA POOL <—

• Four Auburn football players were arrested and charged with robbery. Excuse me, four FORMER Auburn players were arrested and charged with robbery. Fulmer Cup implications are here.

• It just would be the offseason without the annual Michigan State arrests — this time, though, the Spartan players tried something new and were arrested for assault and eluding police IN ASPEN. Gentlemen Spartans!

• Georgia coach Mark Richt is used to his seat being warmed by loving Georgia fans.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller examines Colorado’s depth. Sadly, he hasn’t been the same since.

• LSU is looking for an “offense,” whatever that is.

• Fox Sports’s Thayer Evans looks at the different persons of interest and trends regarding recruiting services in a four part series. You can either read it yourself or have a stripper read an audio version to you.

• Barry Switzer is surprised you’d even call what Jim Tressel did “cheating.”

• SI.com’s Andy Staples asks SEC questions. The more I watch the accompanying videos, the more I think “Stew n’ Andy” should be a sitcom after “Meet the Browns” on TBS. <– Meant as a compliment.

• According to the Columbus Dispatch and Bob Hunter‘s giant byline picture, ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit moved to Nashville to get away from a small percentage of Ohio State fans we’ll call “The Crazies.”

• Is Miami OT Seantrel Henderson suspended for Miami’s opener at Maryland? Yes? No? Possibly? Anyone?

• UNC CB Charles Brown, who missed the 2010 season due to the school’s mass agent-connected suspensions, will sit out the Heels’ opener before becoming eligible to play.

• The NCAA sees Yahoo!!!!! reports as “supernaturally good at uncovering NCAA violations.” I think this means Charles Robinson has heat vision, though my reading comprehension is pretty low.

• Arkansas should probably be quite good this year. Rivals has the deets. That may be the hippest sentence I’ll ever write.

• Is Connor Wood outperforming the other Texas QBs during spring practice? The view from the  blimp that the Statesman’s Kirk Bohls rented indicates “possibly.”

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Zach Galifianakis preparing for his Mr. T sketch on SNL.

Enjoy your Monday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Travis Barker, alumnus of no college or university. With that said, he still has a hell of a tat hookup in Columbus.

*****

• As of now, Ohio State coach Jim Tressel has been suspended two games (Akron and Toledo) and fined $250,000 by his bosses for knowingly playing ineligible players and not fully disclosing his knowledge of their memorabilia sales. The NCAA is yet to fully investigate this and arbitrarily reach a decision of their own.

Here is THE Ohio State documentation and submission to the NCAA. Included is the email proof of knowledge by Tressel.

ESPN’s Mark Schlabach had such high hopes for Tressel.

• UCLA DT Brandon Willis is transferring to North Carolina after committing to Tennessee, enrolling at North Carolina, then transferring to UCLA. We’re all excited to see him exhaust his eligibility without actually ever becoming eligible to play.

• The Huntsville, AL radio host who said he had tapes of Cecil Newton got canned for not actually having them. Oops.

• CBS Sports is priming for Washington State’s spring. Same goes for you, Missouri.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples looks at the questions that Virginia Tech and the ACC face in 2011. Some things you can’t unsee.

• Who are the ten best receivers in the SEC? ESPN’s Chris Low knows. EXCLUSIVE!!

• ESPN’s Heather Dinich went to a Miami practice and all I got were these bullet points.

• Some notes from Texas spring practice. Summary: Nobody knows much right now.

• Fox Sports Southwest examines the questions surrounding TCU’s spring and beyond. I’ll go out on a limb and say some Horned Frog will still wear smeared warpaint as eyeblack.

• An early look at the best non-conference games of 2011. And because it’s Fox, there’s a link in the middle to a site asking, “Are the girls of the SEC the hottest?” Not a joke.

• The Internet has demanded more Wyoming football players showing a camera around their homes and Wyoming football players have delivered.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Jackass for Girls.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgwTU9-a_3I

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Follow me on Twitter.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Maryland alum Jim Henson, the late creator of the Muppets. I don’t doubt for a second that he’d like the Terps’ new uniforms.

*****

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd looks at the BCS’s tax-exempt status. Crap, The Solid Verbal may be next.

• Iowa WR Marvin McNutt will miss spring practice after having both shoulder and thumb surgery. I’m assuming an Iowa player missing time without the reason including the word “test” is a relief.

• The NFL Scouting Combine is ongoing. Here are some top performers. Surf around for all times. Man, I miss using the word “surf” when talking about the Interwebz.

• Miami AD Kirby Hocutt is leaving for the same position at Texas Tech. He blames his family. Harsh.

• The trees at Auburn’s Toomer’s Corner have a fightin’ chance. Now I’m imagining trees fighting each other, and it … is … AWESOME.

• Georgia RB Washaun Ealey has been reinstated after two weeks. Possibly the most crucial two weeks of the college football year.

• Want to know what’s going on with Penn State QB Rob Bolden and him possibly transferring? This video of him offers few answers.

• Maryland has new uniforms that may or may not look like tight racing jumpsuits.

• Florida State blog Tomahawk Nation takes a statistical look at 2010′s first-year defensive coordinators. East Carolina‘s got some ‘splainin to do. Or they’re just not good at the whole “defense” thing.

• Rivals looks at ten offseason offensive line storylines. That sentence was more difficult to type than I anticipated when I started.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the preview for Riverdale, a non-existant Archie movie.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=djRAiiFlCy8

Enjoy your Monday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you, once again, by Natalie Portman. I’m told she’ll pregnantly win an Oscar on Sunday. I can’t imagine that there’s any other reason to watch in earnest.

*****

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel fires a shot across the bow at Tennessee AD Mike Hamilton, the man responsible for hiring coaches accusing of violating NCAA rules in both of the school’s major revenue sports.

• If Stanford QB Andrew Luck gets dinged up this fall, he’s still getting PAID.

• Atlanta DE prospect Lorenzo Mauldin accepted an offer to play for South Carolina. And then the day before Signing Day, the school told him, “Not so much.” SEC Football!!!!!

• Texas coach Mack Brown closed spring practice to observers. Prediction: QB Garrett Gilbert will somehow still throw it to the wrong color jersey at some point.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer kicked it with new Miami coach Al Golden. God, my descriptions are so hip.

• USC hired a new WR coach. His name is Ted Gilmore and here to say … he hopes QB Matt Barkley stops staring down his new receivers so much.

• New Texas OC Bryan Harsin had an offer for more years and more money from Les Miles to perform the same job at LSU. Unfortunately, it required coaching at LSU.

• ASU QB Steven Threet is stepping away from football due to suffering multiple concussions. Smart dude.

• California Golden Blogs created a formula called QB Score as a new way of measuring passing efficiency, which concentrates on generating yards against not generating turnovers. I don’t fully understand it, but Cal QB Brock Mansion is well into the negatives, so it feels right.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples reveals his all two-star team. I assume a jar of BBQ sauce or a rib bib gets shipped to each member in their goody bag.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelson previews the springs for some notable non-AQ teams.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett does the same for Notre Dame.

• Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday profiles Baylor’s “Mr Indispensible,” QB Robert Griffin.

• Wonderful Terrific Monds II is officially a Buffalo Bull. Awesome?

• The Wiz has the complete list of NFL Combine odds. Of course he does.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is an exploration into the habitat of the Wyoming offensive lineman.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=haBv3g15mGU

Enjoy your Friday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by SI Swimsuit model, Mrs. Dan Rubenstein. Or Kate Upton. I um, er, uh, I just, I. Oh bother. Let’s just assume she’s interested in college football, ok?

*****

• UCLA hired a defensive coordinator. It’s former USF and Cincinnati DC Joe Tresey, who just happened to be coaching defensive backs for the UFL’s Omaha Nighthawks. Can somebody say “coaching pipeline?”

• EDSBS has a list of the 35 coaches Maryland REALLY wanted ahead of Randy Edsall. WARNING: Ruffin McNeill‘s Ass-Belly Sweat is a mental image that won’t soon leave you.

• USF coach Skip Holtz sat down with ESPN’s Brian Bennett for an extensive interview. I didn’t read it in its entirety, but to be safe, just assume that there are hidden messages in Holtz’s answers leading to buried treasure.

• ESPN’s Heather Dinich previews the spring for ACC teams in BOTH the Coastal and Atlantic divisions. Mid-February knowledge bombs aplenty.

• ESPN’s David Ubben does the same for the Big 12. With no byline, though, I can only presume… unless, oh no, WHERE’S HEATHER DINICH?!?!

• Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer hired son Shane Beamer to coach running backs. Here’s to hoping giant headphones get grandfathered in.

• Fox Sports’s Thayer Evans has a behind-the-scenes look at Jadeveon Clowney’s recruitment. I’ll save you some time, it’s mostly about Clowney’s nonstop drive to perform well on his AP tests.

• Randy Shannon politely declined an offer to become Maryland‘s defensive coordinator. Oh, and you WOULD pay $1.5 million for the right to call plays for the Terps?

• There’s a possibility that the 13 hospitalized Iowa players could transfer and play immediately in 2011. I’m sure if it comes to pass, coach Kirk Ferentz will try to convince them to stay … six days after they decide to leave.

• Auburn players offer only the most competitive rates for paper-writing. Good for them.

• Rivals’s Tom Dienhart lists the ten programs he’s most excited to see this spring. Rivals also has primers for each conference.

• Kegs ‘n Eggs has the spring schedules for everyone.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is, at its essence, pure swagg.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4T__lCzZgk

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Miami resident Anna Kournikova, who I assume will never be the same now that Tate Forcier is headed to her adopted hometown.

*****

• Tate Forcier decided to take his talents to South Beach after he claims Michigan AD Dave Brandon wouldn’t meet with him (though Brandon tried to reschedule). Now Forcier needs to find a new head towel.

• Oklahoma State hired Jacksonville Jaguars QB coach Todd Monken to be their new OC, the job vacated by new West Virginia OC/HC-in-Waiting Dana Holgersen. So if you’ve been enjoying the David Gerrard magic in Jacksonville, things are only getting … similar in Stillwater.

• Utah OC Norm Chow will make less money in Salt Lake City than he did at UCLA. I think he’ll be ok.

• ESPN lists their top 25 recruiters. Not a surprise, but most of the coaches coach for teams who have had at least some success over the years. And Clemson.

SI (24/7 Sports) does something similar.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg speaks with colleague David Ubben about Nebraska moving to the B1G Ten.

• Ivan Maisel is buzzing now that it’s the offseason. It isn’t nearly as titillating as it sounds.

• Wisconsin agreed to a Rose Bowl rematch against TCU in its home opener. TCU said, “Not so much.”

• A few Virginia players look to be a fightin’ bunch.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel has a post-signing day podcast. He totally stole Andy Staples from us, a guy he never would’ve known if it weren’t for The Solid Verbal. Pshhh.

• Speaking of which, SI.com’s Andy Staples does his best Captain Hindsight, and re-ranks the 2008 recruiting classes.

• Backup Notre Dame QB Nate Montana appears to be considering Montana (birthrite!!!) as a potential transfer destination. So says The Missoulian, my current favorite Montana-based newspaper.

• Rivals has a list of 250 high school juniors who could, quite possibly, be very good.

• Rivals also has a preview of Conference USA’s spring. FINALLY.

(Other conferences are also apparently available)

• ASU QB Steven Threet continues to recover from concussions suffered in 2010 and is thus doubtful for spring practice.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a kitty jumping around in super slow-mo set to happy music.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1vpB6h3ek4

Enjoy your Thursday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Cameron Diaz, everyone’s new favorite popcorn dispenser. Diaz did not attend an institution of higher learning. I see nothing wrong with this.

*****

• Tennessee S Janzen Jackson “withdrew” from school to address personal issues. Vols coach Derek Dooley appears to expect him to be back at some point.

Yahoo!!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday examines the legacy of Lane Kiffin’s Tennessee class.

• UCLA rescinded its DC job offer to Rocky Seto after he posted the good news on Facebook. UCLA fans then rushed to create fake Rick Neuheisel accounts and post “I’m still the head coach!”

• Georgia RB Washaun Ealey is suspended from all team activities. (checks watch) Right on time.

• ESPN’s David Ubben speaks with Texas Tech coach Tommy Tuberville about Red Raider recruiting. Yes, it’s the offseason.

• Ohio State recruit Chris Carter will not be charged for fondling. Whew.

• Scout looks at which incoming freshmen could have the most dramatic immediate impact with their respective teams. You won’t believe this, but they all have five stars next to their names.

• Former Miami coach Randy Shannon will reportedly interview for the now-vacant DC job at Maryland. The right way.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the greatest slip n’ slide ever created. Its slipperiness allows you to slide. Brilliant!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF_OQuu3Ap0

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Ty and Dan are joined by Andy Staples to discuss recruiting wars in the SEC, the re-emergence of Florida State, and God’s Power Offor’s other profession.  Plus, a full boat of Verballer e-mails from the last few weeks.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Community star, The Soup host, and Washington alumnus Joel McHale, who certainly must hope a redshirt year served some good with Nick Montana.

*****

• Urban Meyer is joining ESPN. I’m on board — smart people being given microphones is generally a good thing. SB Nation’s Holly Anderson (Peete) and Spencer Hall discuss.

• With Signing Day tomorrow, Rivals.com sat their writers around a proverbial roundtable to discuss various topics. Today’s thoughts on the Egyption uprising were particularly provocative.

• Rivals also looks at which incoming redshirt freshmen could make the biggest impact in 2011. If Washington QB Nick Montana is even half the QB Jake Locker was, well, they’ll be in serious trouble.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd thinks Jadeveon Clowney is going to be very good for an SEC school. Such courage.

• Florida president Bernie Machen wrote a mini-column for SI.com about oversigning. He’s against it.

• Purdue is now banned from recruiting at a Tampa, FL high school after pulling a scholarship offer to WR A.J. King, who requires knee surgery.

• Four years ago, ESPN named their 150 top high school prospects. See how they fared in college. Or not. It’s up to you, really.

• Scout.com has a “Road to Signing Day” blog where you can follow all of your favorite recruiting stories. And some you just can’t stand.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel looks at Texas coach Mack Brown and 2011 Texas Longhorn recruiting success. If conventional recruiting wisdom is correct, though, Texas will be hit hard in 2012, the recruiting cycle that began during the 2010 season. But probably not.

• Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday looks at the best recruiting classes of the decade. A one-armed Glenn Dorsey still gives me goosebumps.

• Rutgers QB Tom Savage will now be allowed to transfer within the state of Florida. I have a feeling we’ll soon be hearing Savage’s name in the same sentence as “national championship” soon — as in “Miami couldn’t have possibly won this national championship if they signed Rutgers castoff Tom Savage.”

• And finally, no more scooters for Maryland.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the trailer for a documentary about Lemmy from Motorhead, entitled, “Lemmy.” I’m particularly excited for Triple H’s insight.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-_Ol3XT6F0

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Kansas alum Rob Riggle, who I imagine is excited for long lost brother Bret Bielema’s hefty pay increase at Wisconsin. They look very similar … in the faaaaaace!!! Somewhat.

*****

• The Senior Bowl happened. If you missed, here’s a recap to remind you why it was worth missing.

• All the Iowa players hospitalized for rhabdomyolysis treatment have now been released. Safe and speedy, etc.

• Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema officially got paid. Goofy Bielema Smile!!

• Pore over the up-to-the-hour recruiting updates on Bryan Fischer’s CBS blog. Today’s was co-written by CBS’s Charlie Sheen — the college football information is accurate, but the hookers are gratuitous, and frankly, a bit clichéd by now.

• Top Nebraska QB recruit Bubba Starling also happens to be Baseball America’s number one high school baseball prospect, which will ultimately mean he has to make a decision. You know what’s better than not being guaranteed a million guaranteed dollars? A million dollars.

• With Wednesday’s Signing Day fast approaching, ESPN’s Bryan Bennett addresses the recruiting needs of Notre Dame and the Big East. He somehow failed to mention the need for the conference to recruit “college football fans.”

• ESPN’s Heather Dinich looks at the past recruiting evaluations of the All-ACC team. It makes it hard to tell if ACC coaches are terrible OL recruiters or all have amazing OL coaches. I don’t know if I care enough to research any further.

• ESPN’s Jamie Newberg examines the SEC recruiting haul ahead of signing day. He even includes everyone’s cap numbers. Thorough.

• Clemson LB Brandon Maye up and left the Tigers. After finding a graduate program not offered at Clemson, he’ll play his senior year in 2011 elsewhere. All signs point to him being a hell of a park ranger wherever he goes.

• Fox Sports’s Adam Caplan reviews the QBs from Saturday’s Senior Bowl. And Jake Locker. (I keeeeedd!!!)

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall looks at Texas‘s recruiting success in the midst of the school’s coaching attrition. Spoiler: The success is still successful.

• Top USC recruit DeAnthony Thomas visited Oregon on the sly this past weekend and may have changed his pledge from the Trojans to the Ducks. This is a neutral sentence about me being impartial about this news story.

• Did new Indiana coach Kevin WIlson yell at dorm RAs for ignoring him? Yes, yes he did.

• Rivals.com won’t officially report a commitment until a letter of intent is signed. Thanks, Seantrel.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Washington Wizards fans dunking poorly attempting layups. And then not.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDAfFvddDo4

Enjoy your Monday.

Ty and Dan welcome back Bruce Feldman from ESPN to discuss all the offseason coaching news and his thoughts on Brady Hoke, Mack Brown, Will Muschamp, Rick Neuheisel, and Mike Leach.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Salma Hayek, alum of Universidad Iberoamericana, a school once again completely screwed by the BCS.

*****

• The East-West Shrine Game apparently happened. Here are some players that allegedly, even though there’s four years of tape on them, improved their stock playing in a haphazard, second-tier all star game.

• Two freshman Oklahoma starters (WR Kenny Stills, S Tony Jefferson) were arrested for misdemeanor DUI and “interference with the official process” respectively. Oh to be 19 and in Norman, OK.

• UCLA finally bought out OC Norm Chow, who was officially named to the same position by Utah. The Bruins hired former 49ers OC Mike Johnson, who can now tell budding recruits that they can be the next Alex Smith.

• Former Miami coach Randy Shannon interviewed for UCLA’s defensive coordinator position.

• USC finally made its appeal to the NCAA, which will undoubtedly result in something inconsistent with every other decision the NCAA makes.

• ESPN’s Heather Dinich reviews the recruiting needs of each ACC team, which officially kicks off the two nerdiest weeks of the college football year.

• Now that that’s out of the way, here’s more nerdery with Michigan coach Brady Hoke working overtime to keep the Wolverines’ recruiting class together.

• Rutgers QB Tom Savage is transferring, but coach Greg Schiano won’t let his backup QB haunt him at a school that doesn’t play Rutgers ever. Sucka!

• Cal OC Andy Ludwig will take the same position at San Diego State. In a statement, Ludwig said, “I will call a dive, then a bubble screen, then a regular screen pass.”

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is yesterday’s Fat Guy TD. If I ever don’t post a Fat Guy TD, know that SolidVerbal.com has been compromised.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AegmORvD28

Enjoy your Monday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Brittany Snow, who is on some new NBC legal show. She has no alma mater. Two strikes, but I’m not sure I care.

*****

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd profiles the nation’s richest non-bowl team.

• Ohio State coach Jim Tressel has cred coming out of his vest, yo.

• Everything you ever wanted to know about USC’s NCAA appeal.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers make up to-do lists for their respective conferences. Job #1 for the SEC? Finally stop being so bashful about showing conference pride.

• A Texas appeals court threw out Mike Leach’s breach of contract lawsuit against Texas Tech.

• TCU safeties coach Chad Glasgow is Texas Tech’s new defensive coordinator.

• 2 Live Crew’s Uncle Luke is the new DC at Miami Northwestern High School. This can only end well.

• Arkansas is building new facilities to the tune of $35 million. Woooooooo Piggggggg Players Lounge.

• The Wiz (now in full color Comic Sans!) has conference bowl records against the spread and straight up. Did I mention the Comic Sans?

• With National Signing Day around the corner, Scout has its final “Scout 300″ and Rivals its “Rivals 100.” Just know that by clicking around, you’re only further hurting the feelings of every poor kid that tried to block Jadeveon Clowney.

• Georgia received two blue chip commitments yesterday. They both seemed excited about the prospect of playing for a team with a disappointing ceiling.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day features two cellists hammering out “Smooth Criminal.” Culture!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlVbEclPj4c

Enjoy your Friday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Cecil Newton, a beacon of entrepreneurial spirit. I don’t like to use the word “hero” often, so I won’t here.

*****

• An array of hyper-talented players are hanging around college to (most likely) avoid NFL collective bargaining issues. Notre Dame WR Michael Floyd and Oklahoma State WR Justin Blackmon were yesterday’s surprises. Today’s? LSU QB Jordan Jefferson! Dun dun DUNNNNN!!!!

• Brady Hoke was introduced as Michigan’s new coach, after following what appears to be the best path to getting a great job — slave away as an assistant, then make a traditionally horrible team decent. Or be Monte Kiffin’s son.

QB Denard Robinson is undecided about how pumped he may or may not be.

MGoBlog’s Brian Cook has some thoughts.

• Tulsa’s Todd Graham is the new Pitt coach. And before you get excited about a big fancy Tulsa offense coming to Pitt, he’s a defensive guy who hired good offensive minds at a Conference USA school. So there’s that.

• UCLA has apparently parted ways with OC Norm Chow, who will apparently end up at Utah. The Bruins, meanwhile, are rumored to be hiring now former 49ers OC Michael Johnson. It’s at any point now that Rick Neuheisel will harmlessly take out an insurance policy against a 2-10 UCLA season.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers rate the best/worst of this year’s bowl performances. Surprise! Nebraska appears in multiple “worst” entries.

• Miami is hiring Seattle Seahawks QB coach Jedd Fisch to be their offensive coordinator. If anybody has a strong opinion regarding this, they’re probably lying.

• ESPN’s Mark Schlabach has an early 2011 top 25. It just doesn’t feel like mid-January without unwarranted Oklahoma inflation, does it?

• Nike is running an Oregon Ducks ad in local papers today. It’s neon-y.

• LSU OC Gary Crowton looks to be headed to Maryland. BREAKING: Maryland will hate their offense in 2012 after a year of false hope.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel responds to reader mail for the last time (this season).

• The Wiz has the salaries of bowl CEOs. You know, the guys that put on these games for the student-athletes and the fans and heroically take the leftover hundreds of thousands of dollars.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a nice little compilation of product placement in movies. This item is brought to you by Dr. Pepper. Too obvious?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wACBAu9coUU

Enjoy your Thursday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Alison Brie, who, with yesterday’s sponsor Gillian Jacobs, is stars on Community. And she’s on Mad Men. And … sorry, I lost my train of thought. Happy New Years!

*****

• North Carolina absorbed an admirable performance from Tennessee and Vol QB Tyler Bray, took advantage of a last-second clock reversal, and beat the Vols in two overtimes to win the Music City Bowl. So now we know that North Carolina is probably better than Tennessee. Yes!

• Washington cared and played well. Nebraska not so much. 19-7 Huskies.

• A throwaway touchdown celebration of a simple salute is basically everything that’s wrong with college football. And thus, Syracuse beats Kansas State.

• Army beat SMU. Lesson: Don’t invite teams to your bowl because you think they’ll sell tickets and be happy to spend the holidays at home. They won’t and they don’t.

• Oregon RB LaMichael James announced that he’ll return to the Ducks next year. When he heard the news, Jeff Tedford instinctively fell to the ground.

• Michigan QB Tate Forcier was ruled academically ineligible for the Gator Bowl. Note to future interviewees boasting about how hard it is to flunk out if you’re a football player: Just … don’t.

• ESPN’s CFB Bloggers get their previews and keys on:

Meineke Car Care — Keys … Preview

Chick-fil-A — Keys … Preview

Liberty — Keys … Preview

Sun — Keys … Preview

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel offers up his last mailbag of the year. If you enjoy depressing facts about bowl ticket guarantees, it’s the feel good column of the year.

• Stanford’s Andrew Luck says he may stay in school. This actually seems plausible.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a series of feel-good “fails” from this past month. Injuries aplenty!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvqs0qr0Ulo

Enjoy your Friday + New Years + MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL!!!!!

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Community’s Gillian Jacobs. She attended Juilliard, which has no football team. But if they did, I’m sure they’d be admirably in-step and still probably better than Arizona.

*****

• Maryland, in coach Ralph Friedgen‘s last game as the Terps’ coach, demolished ECU in the Military Bowl. Maryland RB Da’Rel Scott may still be running.

And star Maryland WR Torrey Smith is running to the NFL Draft.

• Baylor essentially played a home game in the Texas Bowl … and got ZOOK’d by Illinois 38-14. And the only thing I can think about is how bad Texas truly must be to have lost to this Baylor team in Austin.

• Oklahoma State WR Justin Blackmon just isn’t fair anymore. And after last night’s Alamo Bowl, Mike Stoops’s seat just isn’t chilly anymore.

Here’s Blackmon being left open, because, well, I don’t know why.

• The NCAA responded to criticisms that their discipline is doled out inconsistently by issuing a statement that amounted to, “Nuh-uh.”

• The five suspended Ohio State players have “pledged” to come back in 2011. If they didn’t, they would’ve had to (gasp!) miss playing in the Sugar Bowl.

• The Air Raid is dead in Lubbock. RIP.

• SmartFootball examines defensive adjustments to the spread. It’ll make you feel all smart and stuff.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers are it again with their newfangled keys and previews to today’s bowl games:

Pinstripe — Keys + Preview

Armed Forces — Keys … Preview

Music City — Keys … Preview

Holiday — Keys + Preview

• SI.com’s Andy Staples is already bored with the 2010 season and has moved on to previewing 2011. Just wait until we shock everyone and drop our 2014 preview. That’s what I thought.

• Is Nebraska QB Taylor Martinez long for Lincoln? I have no idea. And neither does anyone else.

• West Virginia QB Geno Smith led the Mountaineers to a season-ending top 25 ranking with a fractured foot. What did YOU do this fall? Pathetic.

• Now that he’s in a city where it’s socially acceptable to admit it, Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly REALLY likes his new boots.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day features an angry child, an innocent backpack, and a fragile window. Even if your math skills are sub-par, you should probably see where this is going.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNsXm99VT2Y

Enjoy your Thursday + Armed Forces + Pinstripe + Music City + Holiday bowls!

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by high-school dropout and possible rules-violating Iowa booster Demi Moore, who is probably glad she learned Marcus Coker’s name just before last night’s Insight Bowl.

*****

• Iowa, led by RB Marcus Coker‘s huge game, flatted Missouri 27-24 in the Insight Bowl. The new goal in Iowa City is now preventing Coker’s name from ever ending up in the same sentence as “drug house” or “violating the team’s substance policy.”

• NC State gradually got by West Virginia 23-7 in a Champs Sports Bowl nearly devoid of sound offensive gameplanning or execution.

• The CEO of the Sugar Bowl lobbied for the suspended Ohio State players to play in his bowl to protect “the integrity” of his game. Ohio State is expected to release a statement after the Sugar Bowl kicks them out of bed and gives them cab fare.

• Auburn OC Gus Malzahn is either moderately interested in the Maryland job or wants Zuckerburg money to be an offensive coordinator at Auburn.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers have information aplenty for today’s games:

Military Bowl — Preview … Keys

Texas Bowl — Preview … Keys

Alamo Bowl — Both

• Miami QB Jacory Harris will probably start against Notre Dame in the Sun Bowl. Now we can all exhale.

• Former Florida coach Urban Meyer is “seriously considering” an analyst’s role at ESPN. How will everyone in his family get in a word when there’s only so much airtime to go around?

• Mississippi State QB Chris Relf will wear the number of late teammate Nick Bell in the Gator Bowl.

• West Virginia RB Shawne Altson signed into Facebook at halftime of yesterday’s Champs Sports Bowl. OMG LOLZ.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the best scenes from Pixar movies cut together. Makes you wish you were a computer-generated underdog.

Enjoy your Wednesday + Military Bowl + Texas Bowl + Alamo Bowl!!

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Navy alumnus David Robinson. How crazy is it that he both attended the Naval Academy AND is nicknamed “The Admiral”? Sometimes life just gets it right.

*****

• Boise State didn’t have much trouble with whatever it was that Utah became/always was. Now we can all look forward to an offseason filled with SEC fans once again labeling them as fraudulent and undeserving because they occasionally lose to a ranked team on the road. The horror!

• Boise State WR Austin Pettis passed it to himself. So there.

• Ohio State suspended six players for the first five games of 2011 for selling off their awards and rings. The names may sound familiar — Terrelle Pryor, Devier Posey, Dan Herron, Mike Adams, and Solomon Thomas.

• Temple has hired former Florida OC Steve Addazio to replace Al Golden as head coach. What? Oh right, they’re Temple.

• San Diego State is scheduled to play Navy tonight in San Diego’s Qualcomm Stadium for the Poinsettia Bowl. Oh and because of heavy rain for a week straight in southern California, Qualcomm Stadium is a kiddie pool. Fun!

• Soon to be former Florida coach Urban Meyer met with ESPN and did a little on-camera work yesterday. If he ends up there in some capacity, I expect one, and only one, fake laugh to be required in his contract.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelson tells anybody who will listen what the keys are and what to watch for in tonight’s muddy Poinsettia Bowl. You can take her knowledge to the bank. Or the San Diego County Credit Union, as it were.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers select a team from their respective conferences that needs to “step up.” It’s only a normal “step up” demand, not a full-on “step up 2 the streets” situation.

• Soon to be former Maryland coach Ralph Friedgen wants to coach in 2011. The whole “2010 ACC Coach of the Year” thing is, at the very least, something that will only be seen on his resumé and cover letter.

• In preparation for El Paso’s Sun Bowl, Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly confiscated the passports of his players, due to the proximity of Ciudad Juarez, the nearby Mexican border town whose biggest cultural highlight is still ruthless drug-fueled murder.

• Alabama is upgrading the facilities at the high school they’ll use to practice at in preparation for the Capital One Bowl. Oh and hey, look at that, the #1 safety prospect in the 2011 class (and Alabama commit) goes there. Rad.

• Georgia WR AJ Green denied a report that he’s already decided to forego his senior year and enter the NFL Draft. Which he definitely will do.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the trailer for Cedar Rapids, which looks to bring together Ed Helms, John C. Reilly, and State Senator Clay Davis.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJqFUWbITug

Enjoy your Thursday + muddy San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl!

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by UCLA alumnus Sean Astin, aka Rudy, aka the guy from Encino Man, aka a hobbit of some sort. I imagine even Rudy isn’t thrilled with Rick Neuheisel’s wily offseason panic-fest.

*****

• Maryland coach Ralph Friedgen was named ACC Coach of the year a few weeks ago. The reward for his efforts? A nice cool can of Take the Buyout, You’re Fired.

He has yet to take a sip.

• Oh and Mike Leach will be the Terps’ next coach. Or he won’t. Either way.

• Three bowls happened. Yahoo!!!!! has the specifics.

• Troy‘s punter looks a bit different. Or the same if you’re a punter who could also be a bouncer and/or paper towel spokesmodel.

• It now appears that Tennessee DC Justin WIlcox is the favorite to replace Will Muschamp as Texas’s defensive coordinator. Big wristband to fill.

Enjoy the Texas coaching search in MS Paint. (via EDSBS)

• New Miami coach Al Golden is retaining some of former coach Randy Shannon’s assistants.

• UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel doesn’t even know the meaning of retaining. Ok, he probably does, but he also knows the meaning of “scapegoat” and “turd-polishing.”

• Oklahoma RB Roy Finch will miss the Fiesta Bowl with a stress fracture in his foot. The injury that RB DeMarco Murrary will suffer is still to be determined.

• Iowa DC Norm Parker, who missed a good part of the year due to some health issues (including having his foot amputated) will be back next season. Big time.

• Touted prep QB and one time Miami commit Teddy Bridgewater (all-name lock) will be taking his talents to Louisville.

• Auburn will definitely win the national championship. Just ask a local sporting goods stores.

• BYU killed UTEP. And one Cougar assistant brought a winning attitude to his nose.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a victory for large men everywhere. Ohmigod he’s gonna go!!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyMBPDch9As

Enjoy your Monday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Big Ten commissioner Jim Delaney, who, in an elaborate rouse, may be systematically taking down the Big Ten. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

*****

• Maryland OC James Franklin should soon become Vanderbilt’s next head coach. Adjust your day accordingly.

• More on the Big Ten’s outstanding PR Monday. I’m still confused as to which division is “Grandpa” and which is “Grandma.”

• After winning the Heisman, Auburn QB Cam Newton took his talents to the Ed Sullivan Theater and presented Letterman’s Top Ten list.

• Auburn OC Gus Malzahn is officially staying put. And for his efforts, he’s getting a little something extra.

• Iowa suspended RB Adam Robinson. Oh, and RB Jewel Hampton has decided to transfer. One more thing — everybody in Iowa City may be a drug enthusiast. DEVELOPING…

• Texas RB coach Major Applewhite will not be coaching at Florida this season. Unless, of course, he is. Which he isn’t.

• Nobody knows what’s going on with Bill Stewart and West Virginia. One thing is certain though — Jack Bogaczyk’s byline picture is way too big.

• The Meineke Car Care Bowl will become the Belk Bowl next year. I don’t know what “Belk” is, so I’ll just assume Charlotte’s bowl is being sponsored by the underside of a pygmy horse.

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall ranks the new coaching hires. And then it just spins off into a frantic rhyming nightmare, per usual.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples does much of the same, but his column includes new Miami coach Al Golden standing next to Sebastian, Miami’s mascot — and they don’t look entirely unlike each other. I like it.

• How Florida AD Jeremy Foley convinced Will Muschamp to come to Gainesville. So. Many. Wristbands.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a guy doing everything better than I can. This is what “cool” is.

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Ty and Dan talk about Cam Newton’s miserable Heisman speech and the Big Ten’s laughable press conference before bringing Andy Staples back to discuss all the coaching moves in the world of college football.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly, who I saw on a Texas sideline once (but didn’t take this picture). Mack Brown has since blamed them for this season’s slide.

*****

• Since we last spoke, everybody has hired a new coach (image via). Ahem:

Florida convinced Texas DC Will Muschamp (and his wristband) to leave the Austin Tire Fire for the Gainesville Tire Fire. EDSBS’s Spencer Hall reacts and makes it about blowfish sushi. Of course he does.

Miami hired Solid Verbal Guest (and Temple coach) Al Golden. He once hosted a training video.

Northern Illinois hired Wisconsin DC Dave Doeren.

Vanderbilt seemed to have hired Auburn OC Gus Malzahn, but he’s apparently not in any sort of need of $3 million. Or something.

• Arkansas essentially re-hired coach Bobby Petrino and made it so only Qatar State can buy him out.

• Auburn QB Cam Newton deservedly won the Heisman Trophy and is a consensus All-American.

Butttttt, the Football Writers Association of America did an independent investigation, proved and confirmed that Newton knew about his father’s solicitation the entire time, and subsequently left him off their Harumph Harumph Almost All-American team. I just can’t find a link of their findings yet. Rest assured, though, I will!!!!!

• Despite what he insisted, Urban Meyer may not be the picture of good health.

• I don’t know if I’m pumped or bummed out by this screengrab of Cam Newton and LaMichael James. James is also not impressed by flying Dumbos.

• Hawaii is officially a Mountain West team. So there’s that.

• The Big Ten, in unveiling its new logo and division names, revealed themselves to be exactly what we mostly thought they were — uh, dorks.

• ESPN’s Pat Forde says Texas coach Mack Brown has an uphill battle this offseason, as he needs to hire two new coordinators. Part of the application has leaked and obviously, if you want one of those jobs, certainly check the box next to, “Comfortable under bus?”

• Penn State coach Joe Paterno can’t hear you. But he can run the day-to-day of and make important decisions instantly for a gigantic football program. Yep.

• Navy beat Army again. You’re probably pumped if you own a peacoat.

• Nike will unveil new bowl uniforms for TCU, Boise State, Florida, and, if you can believe it, Oregon.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is of lightning bolts.

Enjoy your Monday.

Ty and Dan are joined by Spencer Hall to discuss Urban Meyer’s latest retirement, the Cam Newton saga, and the lessons he’s learned traveling the United States of America.  Plus, cheap jokes about Pitt chasing Chris Petersen and Bo Pelini using Miami for a bigger payday at Nebraska.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Dunder Mifflin’s Toby Flenderson, who doesn’t look completely unlike Florida AD Jeremy Foley. Whatever, I didn’t want to give too much effort in choosing a Chorus sponsor today and this fit.

*****

• Urban Meyer stepped down as the coach of Florida yesterday so he can spend more time with his family. And there’s no way he’ll ever coach again or change his mind at a certain point. Unless, of course, he does.

The presumed candidates include names previously associated with both the school and Meyer, big names around football, and my own nominee — James from GatorsFirst.com. Because he puts the Gators FIRST.

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall offered an initial reaction.

• ESPN’s Erin Andrews (Gator alumnus) reacts to Meyer’s resignation.

• Utah DE Christian Cox is promising a Ute win over Boise State in the Las Vegas Bowl. I may now watch the game just to see if the senior makes plays and we get to hear a lot of, “So much Cox!!” or “Cox comes up big!!” Ok I’ll stop.

• Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor said he’d “dominate” if he had chosen to attend a school that, you know, was eager to take advantage of his otherworldly athletic talents.

• The Miami Herald reported that Nebraska granted coach Bo Pelini permission to speak with the Hurricanes about their head coaching vacancy, while Pelini and Nebraska deny everything.

• Speaking of which, Nebraska DT Baker Steinkuhler was cited for suspicion of a DUI and will be put on ice for the Holiday Bowl. See what I did there? I’ve been waiting all year for Baker Steinkuhler to be newsworthy, and frankly, I nailed it.

• Mike Leach will take any of your available jobs.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers have all-conference teams. Oklahoma State WR Justin Blackmon was awarded a spot at 7 different offensive positions on the Big 12 list and I’m not sure you’re in any sort of position to question this.

• Iowa WR Derrell Johnson-Koulianos was officially charged with “keeping a drug house.” Some people go to the Hamptons, some to Aspen, and now, I suppose, Iowa City.

• Auburn DT Nick Fairley won the Lombardi Award, the trophy given to the nation’s top lineman. He was gracious in accepting the honor and then drove his helmet into the other nominees.

• BCS Dear Leader Bill Hancock wrote an op-ed piece in today’s USA Today defending the wonderful BCS.

• Former Oregon cheerleader Katelynn Johnson travels for a Fox Sports video segment, and you’re not going to believe this, but they had her play mud football. It’s like a much less sexy “SI Tour Guy.”

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel has a new mailbag and addresses BCS modifications.

• I’ll be honest — one of the great things about being an Oregon fan in Los Angeles is that I’m far, far away from a lot of Duck fans. This guy included.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is fast food turned into sushi. BACONBACONBACONBACON.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXjxHQQxcLw

Enjoy your Thursday.

Today’s Chorus is brought you by Maryland alumnus Larry David, who, because I need another season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, needs to avoid any and all scooters.

*****

• Oklahoma State OC Dana Holgersen has not spoken with Urban Meyer about a position at Florida. But he has been have late night IM sessions with whoever “UrbzTeebz4lyfe” is. Totes.

• Nebraska fans are not pleased with OC Shawn Watson. Apparently, an offense that produces yards, first downs, and points against bad teams, but stops doing so good ones agitates people who invest a questionable amount of their emotions into college football. <— I’m one of you.

• Speaking of which, SB Nation’s Brian Cook unearths some rock solid schadenfraude. And hey, there’s Bo Pelini featured prominently!

• The Sports Business Journal has a chart of all the gifts that bowl games give to their participants. The Meineke Car Care Bowl didn’t disclose, so we’ll just assume everyone’s getting jewel-encrusted mufflers.

• CBS Sports’s Adam Jacobi reacts to Indiana hiring Oklahoma OC Kevin Wilson. His analysis is a bit more detailed than my reaction of, “Oh.”

• Miami has candidates in mind for their vacant head coaching job. Super! Congrats! Out of this world!

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall writes a column listing things that caught his attention and they just happen to be in alphabetical order. The name of the column is “The Alphabetical” — wait a second…

• Utah QB Jordan Wynn will miss both the Utes’ bowl game against Boise State and spring practice after having shoulder surgery.

• Fox Sports’s Thayer Evans wasn’t thrilled with the 2010 college football season. Sounds like he needs a year of being reassigned to the NFL to put things in perspective.

• The wacky Lee Corso mascot head has been recovered and two former Oregon students (not graduates, ahem) were cited for felony theft. I’ve always said it — if you’re going down for felony theft, go down doing it stealing an ironically large mascot head of a below-average former coach/charismatic morning show host. Always.

• SB Nation’s Holly Anderson (Peete) reviews the Heisman finalist field. I haven’t been paying attention lately, but I still think Denard Robinson edges out Terrelle Pryor and Taylor Martinez.

• The Football Writers Association of America (FWAA) voted Oregon coach Chip Kelly as their coach of the year, awarding him the Eddie Robinson Coach of the Year award. No big deal.

• Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dan Wetzel reveals this year’s seeded 16-team playoff. I have no arguments or qualms of any sort.

• The lines are out for the bowl games. If Chris the Capper doesn’t win our bowl pool, you’ll know he’s a complete fraud. Or a talented handicapper who did extremely well during the regular season and HITS A WALL WHEN IT COUNTS. Your move, Capper.

• New Colorado coach Jon Embree has a staff and a lot of them, well, were already there. That makes it easy — no nametags.

• Former Georgia QB Zach Mettenberger is now an LSU Tiger. Because really, the place to hone the craft of quarterbacking is and will always be Baton Rouge, LA.

• Teddy Bridgewater, the QB jewel of Miami’s 2011 recruiting class, has decommitted from Miami and opened up his recruitment. He’s expected to take visits with his close friend Tommy Tunnelmountain. Nailed it!!

• Scooters are taking out Maryland players one by one. Scary.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a little old, but still great. Law school applicants, please take note.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMvARy0lBLE

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Ty and Dan review a handful of conference championship games and dissect a bunch of projected bowl pairings.

Ty and Dan take a look at the NCAA’s ruling on Cam Newton, TCU’s move to the Big East, E. Gordon Gee’s stupid comments, and the Miami coaching vacancy.  Plus, Verballer voice messages, e-mails and locks of the week.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Top Chef host (new season starts tonight) and Clark University alumnus Padma Lakshmi. Clark doesn’t have a football program, but damnit, just look at her.

*****

• Jon Gruden will apparently meet with Miami AD Kirby Hocutt today. I’m still not sure this happens and isn’t just a leverage ploy for an NFL job, but hey, I’m only ALWAYS right*.

*Except when I’m wrong.

• Donald Trump sent Miami president Donna Shalala another note recommending Mike Leach. Also, Mike Leach is recommending Mike Leach.

• Washington State coach Paul Wulff isn’t sure if he’ll be back next season. It’s hard to tell — you know, because of the continued losing — but WSU has actually gotten better and could come close to a bowl next year. This makes me think that thse school is ready to scrap the whole thing and start over.

• Texas A&M has accepted a bid to play in the Cotton Bowl, where, presumably, they’d play Alabama or LSU and Colby Caillet will awkwardly serenade Mike Sherman. To honor the Aggies’ improved 2010 bowl bid, I’m wearing a regular ol’ t-shirt.

• More on USC student-agent Teague Egan (real name!) from The Wiz. Try making it through this without throwing up a little in your mouth. You don’t win a prize, but you do get the satisfaction of knowing a little bit of your soul has been chipped away.

• Nevada lost some dollars by beating Boise State.

• Clemson QB Kyle Parker will play in the Tigers’ bowl game. Not sure what Clemson did to deserve this, but take the information as you will.

• Florida‘s had a bad year. In all of it is proudly edited together here.

• Air Force coach Troy Calhoun isn’t interested in the Colorado job. And if Colorado hires former coach Bill McCartney, it will appear as if the school isn’t interested either.

• Florida State improved because it’s big dudes are good. OL Rodney Hudson is one of those big dudes.

• Illinois QB Nathan Scheelhaase is a redshirt freshman and isn’t completely horrible.

• The All-Mountain West teams are out and they’re … pretty much what you’d expect.

• USC coach Lane Kiffin says QB Matt Barkley will play against UCLA and points out that anonymous Pac-10 coaches are rooting for him against UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel.

• SB Nation’s Jon Bois takes to hating and appreciating kickers.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel has bowl projections. I totally called Texas A&M to the Cotton Bowl a few items up!

• If Auburn doesn’t make QB Cam Newton available to the media ahead of the Saturday’s SEC championship, they’ll be fined. So weird to think about Auburn having to pay for Cam Newton. Hm.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day features people getting hurt and humiliated in amusing fashion.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDg7CiHAPqg

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Vanilla Ice. I have no idea if he’s a fan of Miami football and/or Randy Shannon, but I can no longer hear anyone say “A1A” without yelling out, “Beachfront Avenue!!!” so I’m sliding him in today.

*****

• TCU is joining the Big East and it will join in all sports (after the 2011-12 academic year). It’s about time -- Coach Gary Patterson can finally tell Texas kids they’ll get to play on Thursday nights in Piscataway, NJ. Where do I sign?

• Miami fired coach Randy Shannon and won’t hire Jon Gruden. Unless they will, which they almost certainly will not.

• Michigan AD Dave Brandon is yet to evaluate coach Rich Rodriguez’s performance, but will do so in about a month. Most important Insight Bowl ever?

• The newest BCS standings are out. Northern Illinois is ranked higher than Florida, Texas, USC, and Georgia.

• Florida DL coach and former Iowa State head coach Dan McCarney is the new head coach at North Texas. Always happy for a “Dan” getting hired.

• You know how Ty and have said that Nebraska‘s fanbase was probably the nicest, most respectful fan base in college football? Well, they’re no longer making the rest of us look bad anymore — I present to you … Nebraska psychopaths!!

• The American Football Coaches Association has an All-American team. I bet they also have delicious pot lucks, go-kart races, and crazy slumber parties with scary stories. Or I’m just imagining that. But yeah right, it’s pretty much true.

• Cal DL coach Tosh Lupoi was suspended for instructing a player to fake an injury against Oregon. Because position coaches going rogue and instituting an individual position game plan without consulting anyone else sounds complete plausible. Mr. Lupoi, here comes the bus, we’re just going to give you a light shove and be on our way.

• Indiana coach Bill Lynch was fired and is now just plain ol’ citizen Bill Lynch.

• Vanderbilt coach Robbie Caldwell will step aside now that his interim year has concluded. That sound you’re hearing is some very excited (or terrified) turkeys.

• Florida coach Urban Meyer will fix the Gators by recruiting “tough” players. He then added, “What? Coach Addazio has a lot of heavy furniture that’s not just going to move itself out of the building.”

• USC coach Lane Kiffin explains how USC did what Tulsa couldn’t — lose to Notre Dame.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers have some especially powerful power rankings and particularly project-y bowl projections. Whatever, you try thinking of two different adjectives to use in a sentence.

• Oklahoma State CB Brodrick Brown played a little game against Oklahoma called “just the tip.” Oh wait, I see what I did there.

• Florida DB Dee Finley has some constructive criticism for Gator fans. And by “constructive,” I mean “thoroughly misspelled demands of mass suicide.”

• Oregon State DT Stephen Paea has power running through his veins. Oh and lots and lots of cortisone.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel looks at new money in his newest College Football Overtime. ***Spoiler*** Texas is old money.

• The Wiz has the snapshots of the week. A disappointed fan in full-costume is featured, which is obviously the best kind of disappointed fan.

• An Auburn fan, celebrating the Tigers’ Iron Bowl win, tackled a snowman, and then did a dainty little celebration. I’m as surprised as you are. (via edsbs)

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is, well, I really have no idea what is or what happens, but it’s right below this sentence.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC60iSTUmRE

Enjoy your Monday.

Ty and Dan break down a wild weekend that saw a monster upset by Nevada, a triumphant victory for Auburn, and a defining loss for Rich Rodriguez against Ohio State.  Plus, wackiness in the Big 12, closure in the ACC, and a host of listener Reverbs.

Ty and Dan deliver a super-sized episode, chock full of analysis for all the week’s biggest rivalries, listener e-mails and voice messages.

Ty and Dan talk about LSU’s close call, Nebraska’s dud, a potential Wisconsin-Stanford Rose Bowl, and the ongoing Dillon Baxter Experiment at USC.

Ty & Dan discuss the latest in the Cam Newton pay-for-play situation and the need to renovate Husky Stadium, and break down all the Week 12 action.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Nick Nolte, crazy person and former Arizona State student (and football player). It’s still yet to be decided if Nolte is the acting world’s Vontaze Burfict or Burfict is ASU’s Nolte. In any case, be careful around either of these two.

*****

• The FBI has quietly been involved with Auburn QB Cam Newton‘s pay-for-play case and interviewed John Bond, the former Mississippi State QB who was told of Newton’s MSU asking price of $180,000. ¡Federales!

• Arizona State coach Dennis Erickson was fined for criticizing officials over a call they made on LB Vontaze Burfict. As a coach, one clearly has to have his players’ back, but really, we’re defending The Walking Personal Foul here?

• Orangebloods’s Chip Brown has a Texas status update. As far as the coaches are concerned, it’s more “Greg Davis is Single” than “It’s Complicated.”

• Auburn DT Nick Fairley won’t be suspended for the Iron Bowl against Alabama next week. Excuse me while I go invest in whichever company sells the most MRI and CT Scan equipment to the southeastern states.

• Purdue WR Keith Smith is looking to be granted a sixth year of eligibility via a medical hardship waiver. He tore his ACL and MCL in Purdue’s second game of the season against Western Illinois. So, you know, at least the game meant something.

• Apparently, Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema is coming under fire for running up the score against Indiana. I like that Bielema’s response amounts to, “Hey, your job is to stop us and you couldn’t even stop our scrubs. Also, you’re all pansy MFers.” I like this. He’s like a reverse Bob Stoops.

• Miami QB Stephen Morris will start this Saturday when the Hurricanes host Virginia Tech. With a wall of up to 13,000 Miami fans behind him, no less.

• Iowa State QB Austen Arnaud‘s career is over after after sustaining multiple knee injuries against Colorado. His left knee requires “total reconstruction.”

• The Biletnikoff Award (WR) finalists were announced. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but it reminded me of how stacked the country is with great receivers. Not that any of them are touching Oklahoma State WR Justin Blackmon, but I can appreciate their efforts.

• Illinois coach Ron Zook doesn’t want to talk about a bowl game. Only he really, really does. Also, it sounds like he’s about six years behind on his cough drop cycle.

• NC State LB Nate Irving is angered by running backs. And probably deserves 30-40 yards for this anger. (via edsbs)

• “Not much can be done” about Oregon‘s opponents faking injuries, according to ESPN’s Ted Miller. It’s pretty much a waiting game — eventually, though, the testes drop.

Supposedly, a Cal source confirmed that “injuries” were part of the game plan.

• “Our fans are better than the Aggies’ fans,” says Nebraska coach Bo Pelini. I’ve been to both Lincoln and College Station, and, uh, yep.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Neil Young (Jimmy Fallon) and Bruce Springsteen (Bruce Springsteen) covering the song, “Whip my Hair.” If you’re unfamiliar with the song, you probably lead a rewarding, successful life. If you are familiar with the song, you know that it means music is dead. This version, though, is awesome.

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Hollywood super-producer Joel Silver. Not only did he attend THE Lafayette College, but he also invented ultimate frisbee, which, as a sport, met it’s apex when this happened. Thank you and you’re welcome. Down with Colgate!! (the school, not the toothpaste)

*****

• Auburn QB Cam Newton or somebody Cam Newton is allegedly associated with is being investigated by the NCAA for the alleged acceptance of money on the QB’s behalf, in exchange for Newton’s football services. Mississippi State appear to be the whistle-blowers. <-- Please don’t sue The Solid Verbal.

The New York Times and ESPN have the story, and SB Nation has an update timeline.

SI.com’s Stewart Mandel and Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dan Wetzel offers their initial reactions. Mandel also has a mailbag and Andy Dalton on his podcast. Only listen after you’ve downloaded The Solid Verbal at least six times.

• Fox Sports’s Thayer Evans and SB Nation’s Holly Anderson (Peete) are asking if Heisman voters should steer clear of Cam Newton. That was fast.

That’s all I’m going to link to about Newton today, but if you have any further questions, SI.com has conveniently set up an easy system.

• Virginia Tech beat Georgia Tech last night (video highlight). Yellowjackets QB Josh Nesbitt is out for the year with a broken right forearm, but could be back for a bowl game.

• The weekly check-in from Fake Lou Holtz. I’m still not tired of this.

• ESPN’s David Ubben titled a profile, “A Tale of Two Helus.” Of course I’m going to link to it.

• The Wiz has game predictions from a variety of national writers.

• Miami QB Jacory Harris will be out at least a couple more weeks post-concussion.

• Oregon RB Kenjon Barner, who suffered a concussion against Washington State a few weeks ago, was “full-go” in practice this week. Because the Ducks need all the help they can get tomorrow with Washingt… woops.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the worst opening to a newscast ever. I don’t even know if this is funny as much as it is horrifying and uncomfortable. Ok, it’s funny.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=3e7LMFM4UNU

Enjoy your Friday + College Football Saturday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Willie Nelson, former Baylor student. Does anybody dislike Willie Nelson? He may secretly be one of the most universally-liked people in America. And now his college football team is playing well. Actually, I don’t know if he follows football, but I like to think he does. Because I just flat out like the guy.

*****

• CBS Sports’s Dennis Dodd profiles Utah’s recent success. I got kind of sick of reading about all the “Solid Verbal Bump” stuff with Whittingham, but other than that, it’s a good read.

• MGoBlog’s Brian Cook (SVBFF) reacts to the news that Michigan may escape the NCAA’s wrath. The next step is now escaping the wrath of average Big 10 offensive lines. One step at a time.

• South Florida beat Rutgers last night. And now you know.

• This week’s Baylor/Oklahoma State tilt means something for the first time in a long time. “Honest, mister!” says ESPN’s David Ubben.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers tell you what to watch and make Saturday predictions. I’ll tell you what not to watch, predict something. and I’ll do it all in one sentence. SNL will be painfully unfunny.

• Miami RB Damien Berry won’t play against Maryland because he’s “banged up.” That sentence took longer than usual to type, as even my fingers have sense how boring the ACC has become.

• Fox Sports’s Thayer Evans is just kickin’ it with Mike Leach in Key West. Seems fun and possibly a bit terrifying.

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall (SVBFF) writes about TCU/Utah and the BCS.

• Alabama WR Julio Jones faces LSU CB Patrick Peterson on Saturday. And they’ll probably just neutralize each other during a 13-11 game. Yay.

• After missing a few weeks with a knee injury, Arizona QB Nick Foles will start for the Wildcats against Stanford on Saturday. His hair remains day to day.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Ellen DeGeneres scaring people. This falls under the never-not-funny-unless-it-happens-to-you category. We need to get Ty famous and on Ellen’s show.

Enjoy your Thursday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Michigan alumnus James Earl Jones. I don’t know how he feels about mgoblog’s general support of Rich Rodriguez, but I felt like posting a picture of the most famous Jones-voiced role, Darth Vader, and thus, I did. Oh and the second most famous would obviously be Mustafa from the Lion King. Another time, Verballers.

*****

• The Big East unanimously voted to become a 10-team football conference. It’s noted that the “obvious” choice is Villanova, while the sneaky pick would, of course, be Alabama.

• Mississippi State DE Nick Bell tragically passed away Tuesday after battling cancer. Thoughts, of course, are with anyone and everyone that knew Bell.

• The Nittany Lion has been dismissed. Or at least the guy inside of him. Wait, that sounded wrong. Ok, I’ll stop.

• LSU Freek checks in with a Bama Hell March. It’s great fun. (via EDSBS)

• Tony Barnhart of CBS Sports and the Atlanta Journal-Constitution thinks Georgia DC Todd Grantham should be suspended for his choke gesture. I have no opinion, other than amazement at the fact that Tony Barnhart is six yards wide in his photograph.

• MGoBlog’s Brian Cook (SVBFF) presents the “Tenuous Case for Keeping Rich Rodriguez.”

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg has QB updates on Penn State, Purdue, and Indiana. Whew.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelson echoes an email that currently sits in the Avery Labels Inbox (first product I saw) — Hawaii is playing extremely well (7-2. 5-0, 6 W in a row) and their game at Boise State this weekend should be ginormous.

• Nebraska QB Taylor Martinez should be good to go for Iowa State on Saturday. Those of you with the most neutral accents should be pleased.

• USC coach Lane Kiffin may have overreacted and pressed a bit when Oregon started scoring quickly. It’s nothing to be ashamed of — every first-time PS3/XBOX gamer does the same thing.

Kiffin also, according to RB Marc Tyler, may have single-handedly lost the game for the Trojans. Woops.

• Fox Sports’s Lisa Horne reviews some under-the-radar players. Keep in mind that Ty and I have already discussed most of these guys over the course of the season, but I always enjoy seeing SDSU RB Ronnie Hillman and WSU WR Marquess Wilson get some lurve.

• The Eugene Register Guard’s George Schroeder (SVBFF) talks to former Oregon coach Rich Brooks about the Ducks’ climb to the top of the college football mountain.

• You’re not going to believe this, but in the coincidence of all coincidences, a Boise State player is being accused of a cheap shot. I know, right? Crazy.

• Following a concussion to Miami QB Jacory Harris, (freshman) QB Stephen Morris is the probable starter for the Canes against Maryland on Saturday.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is John Wall doing the “Dougie.” I have no idea why I like this dance so much, but I do. The dream scenario is getting a “Dougie” video from Doug Flutie. Make it happen!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pry6Cp0kSO0

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Ty and Dan get together on Halloween and recap the Week 9 action, including solid road wins by Oregon and Auburn and tough road losses for Michigan State and Missouri.

Ty and Dan talk about Mizzou’s big win, the rise of Auburn, and Navy’s dismantling of Notre Dame. Plus, Verballers ReVerbs.

Ty and Dan make their picks for Week 8 and discuss the Pac-12 division decision, the new Rose Bowl sponsor, and the notion of taking an automatic weapon into a crowded stadium (instead of buying a ticket).  Plus, Verballer e-mails.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by UCLA alum and Academy Award winning composer John Williams. It truly does speak to the man’s talent how much better UCLA game film appears to be when the Indiana Jones theme is played simultaneously.

*****

• UCLA plays Oregon tonight. Bruin fans are pretty confident. In Oregon’s abilities to destroy them without mercy.

Duck fans are happy to stomp some weasel, because, you see, we’ve altered Rick Neuheisel’s name to read “Neu-weasel” because of his weasel-y tactics while at Colorado and Washington. They don’t call Eugene, OR the birthplace of modern comedy … at all.

• TCU coach Gary Patterson, on the sideline of the SMU game last month, went after the team doctor who told him that star RB Ed Wesley had a concussion. The word “hero” is thrown around too much these days, but this story really makes you sit back and realize that the first part of this sentence has nothing to do with anything.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel answers college football mail. I wonder if he has a name for his readers/fans like we do with “verballers.” I suppose I could just ask him myself, but I’d rather just pontificate here. The obvious choice is, of course, calling them “fandels,” but I’ll let the process work itself out organically.

• Heralded (get it?) Miami freshman safety Latwan Anderson left the football team to concentrate on track and field, his actual scholarship sport. He appears to be done with football, and to be fair, it can’t be a coincidence that this is happening just as the House of Run podcast is blowing up.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers make their predictions for the weekend and focus in on what to watch. And then, they teach you how to get some killer splash action.

• Illinois DT Corey Liuget (pronounced LEGIT) was homesick. So Liuget told his mom, “I think I’m going to come ba-” and his mom was all like, “uh uh” and he was all like, “but…” and then she was all like, “uh uh.” And now he’s breaking people into multiple parts if they happen to linger in the offensive backfield. Legit.

• UConn QB Cody Endres has been suspended for the remainder of the season for an “undisclosed violation of school policy.” Just the price you pay when you steal the mascot from those jerks at Valley High.

Ittttt’s alllllright, cuz I’m Saved by the Bell! (piano)

• The Big 10 crown will be decided on the field in in Iowa City. Where the grass is green and the girls are … eh, not bad.

• SB Nation’s Holly Anderson (Peete) runs down the goings-on in the world of non-AQ-ville. Because somebody has to.

• Texas A&M University President Dr. R. Bowen Loftin, well, just taught you how to Dougie.

• Syracuse fans raised enough money (with some left over) to bring 32 kids from the local Boys and Girls club to an Orange game — complete with shirts, food, and other goodies. Very cool. Your move, every other team.

• The recruiting class of 2011 was cool… in like 2008. 24/7 Sports (247 Sports?) has released their list of the Top 247 members of the class of 2012.

• Florida WR Chris Rainey may play next weekend when the Gators take on Georgia in “The World’s Largest Outdoor Formerly Meaningful Game.”

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is of Legos in cool places. Because Legos are pretty awesome. Duh.

Enjoy your Thursday.

Ty and Dan review all the Week Six action and break down the losses by Alabama, Arizona and Michigan as well as the wins by LSU, Auburn and Oregon.  Plus, another rousing rendition of Saturday ReVerbs.

Ty and Dan delve into a few voice messages and some e-mails, and discuss their picks for Week Six.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Tina Fey, who played Sarah Palin, who graduated (after her half-dozen school tour) from Idaho, who has their own painted Horizon plane, on which Palin will never ever fly. Hockey moms fly PRIVATE, yo.

*****

• Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio was released from the hospital today after his heart attack and subsequent blood clot. Without any medical knowledge, I’ll just go ahead and assume he was implanted with an ultra-powerful gorilla heart and the Spartans will thereby crush Michigan in Ann Arbor. And yes, I know none of that made any sense. Blame caffeine.

• UNC (temp) coach Butch Davis is sorry he ever trusted formed assistant John Blake. The only way this ongoing saga could get more ridiculous is if at some point somebody rips off an intricate flesh mask revealing their true identity as Cherokee Parks. You heard me.

Also, it’s been lost in the mess, but UNC QB TJ Yates has been good. I know, right?

• Texas coach Mack Brown may be forced out. It seems completely ludicrous, but apparently Will Muschamp is a lock to be a wildly successful head coach (for the first time).

• Oregon coach Chip Kelly was reprimanded by the Pac-10 for his halftime comments to Erin Andrews during the Stanford game. I’d say it was worth it.

• Miami QB Jacory Harris has, depending on who you ask, a bruised shoulder or a sprained AC joint. The good news is he’s expected to eventually be cleared to haplessly launch balls down the field with no regard for triple coverage. Whew.

• Alabama WR Julio Jones has an injured knee and is day-to-day ahead of the Tide’s game against South Carolina. Since Jones is clearly a robot bent on the destruction of silly human defensive backs, I suspect something else is afoot.

• EDSBS’s Holly Anderson (Peete) has stickers! For everyone! Ok not everyone, just inhumanly athletic people that excel or disappoint on Saturdays.

• ESPN‘s team of CFB bloggers rewind and fast forward. And then order some shady PPV on the sly.

• EDSBS’s Spencer Hall drops this week’s Alphabetical. I don’t get all the references, but Weepy Dawson makes up for all.

• SI.com’s Cory McCartney checks in with his Week 5 Heisman Watch. The Nard Dog… is still #1.

• Horizon Air has painted one of their planes with a University of Idaho theme. The school president can now stop being so prissy when it comes to flying in themed planes. Whew.

Today’s Video of the Day is Conan getting naughty with a hose and his desk. It made me tingly in a way that I’m still uncomfortable talking about.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUus_-DEpTA

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Ty and Dan review all the Week Five action and talk about another fabulous performance by Denard Robinson.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Dr. Ken Jeong (The Hangover, Community, Kaiser Permanente), who received his medical degree from North Carolina. On now-infamous agent Gary Wichard’s dime. Ok there’s no proof of that. Or is there? No there isn’t.

*****

• Yahoo Sports saddled up, did their best Lester Freamon, followed some North Carolina money and now UNC appears to be, as the cast of Laguna Beach: The Real O.C. would say, “dunzo.” Settle down, Tar Heels, you were always a women’s soccer school, anyway.

Yahooooooooo! also provides copies of documents and an easy guide to the cast of characters involved.

• ESPN’s CFB bloggers went on a group vacation and shot a cool compilation video of their adventures on the nation’s water slides. Orrrrrr they tell you what to watch and predict what will happen during Saturday’s action. Only one of these stories is true.

• Boise State’s Winston Venable was suspended for a half for a hit on Oregon State’s James Rodgers that was deemed helmet to helmet. Or as it’s called in Boise, “fundamentals.”

• SI.com has a triumvirate of college football links: Andy Staples profiles new Oklahoma State offensive coordinator Dana Holgorsen, Stewart Mandel ruffles through the mail, and Jon Wertheim (normally a tennis guy) profiles a Nebraska assistant that has more money than you or me. Unless Mark Zuckerberg is reading this. If so, what up Mark?

• Touted freshman Miami OT Seantrel Henderson may start for the Hurricanes this Saturday. In three dimensions!

• After benching incumbent Dave Shinskie, Boston College will start true freshman QB Chase Rettig against Notre Dame. Suddenly, with all of the different storylines taking shape, this could be one of the more interesting pillowfights of the weekend.

• Everybody’s going to play everybody in the Big 12 next year. For those of you craving yearly Iowa State-Baylor action, your time has come.

• Injured Michigan DB Troy Woolfolk used Google Images to prove his identity after being pulled over and forgetting his driver’s license. Because I’m thorough with my research, you should also know that when you look up “Troy Woolfolk” in Google Images, a first person shot of boobs in a bikini shows up. Just a disgusting act.

Today’s Video of the Day is, possibly for the first time, a football video. It’s Division III football!!!!!!!!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-tXkV1_8fk

Enjoy your Thursday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Tommy Lee, who briefly attended Nebraska for an NBC reality show, arguably his second best performance on camera ever. I imagine he’s excited for Carl Pelini’s Blackshirts.

*****

• Miami beat up on Pitt last night. And wasn’t even that good themselves. Normally, I’ll watch the Thursday night game in its entirety, no matter the matchup, but I packed it in pretty early and saw somebody named LaNieta dominate Wheel of Fortune. Thanks, Wannstedt.

• Nebraska‘s defense, for the first time this season, has earned their black jerseys. Couldn’t have done out without you, Jake!

• Alabama coach Nick Saban announced that an Alabama-Michigan matchup is all but certain for the 2012 season. In Dallas. Because the first thing I think about when I think rare, exciting matchup of college football heavyweights is a neutral, corporate field. Blech.

• Saban also lurves himself some medical hardships. But guys, he’s such a great fella!

• CBS Sports’s Tony Barnhart gives you his top 10 things to watch for this weekend. **Spoiler Alert** SEC. SEC. Andrew Luck. SEC. SEC. Oregon. SEC.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples turns to other mascots for their thoughts on The Brutus Beatdown. It’s essential reading for the college football weekend. Or a poop.

• Virginia Tech RB Ryan Williams will be not play against Boston College (hamstring) and UConn RB Jordan Todman will be out (arm) against Buffalo. Adjust your fantasy teams and hopes/dreams accordingly.

• USC has a lot of talented running backs, but can’t settle on a rotation. Boo hoo.

• SB Nation’s (and SVBFF) Spencer Hall drops this week’s Rootability Index. I promise you, if you read this, you’ll see two guys oddly smiling while running with a pony. 100%.

Today’s Video of the Day is a Saturn commercial. Possibly German. It has robot dinosaurs, so I watched it and was like “HELL YES!”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzd1OiP27s0

Enjoy your Friday + College Football Saturday.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Jeff Garlin, half of the funniest twosome on TV, and graduate of The U. Niversity of Miami. Here’s to hoping he makes his “big vagina” gesture (probably NSFW) at some point during tonight’s Pitt game. Just because.

*****

• The Playoff PAC is accusing the Sugar, Fiesta, and Orange Bowls of violating their claimed tax-exempt status as non-profits. Apparently, everybody made a crap-ton of money. Oops.

• North Carolina has suspended two defensive backs for receiving $1300 and $1400 in benefits, respectively. The horror.

• Michigan is still looking for somebody to kick it through two giant yellow goal posts. Or they’re not. Or something.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples profiles the Ft. Campbell High (Ky) football team, made up entirely of sons of soldiers, most of whom are overseas. Read this before the mascot story below.

• Early reports indicating Mark Mangino was hired to consult Minnesota coach Tim Brewster may be incorrect. This doesn’t mean something’s not afoot, though. In my experience, something’s always afoot. Always.

• One of BYU‘s receivers that has a traditionally last name as a first name has been suspended for “disciplinary reasons.”

• ESPN‘s bloggers predict games and tell us what to watch. Nowhere to be found in “What to Watch” is “The Solid Visual,” so their cred instantly takes a hit.

• If you’re holding out hope for Admiral Ackbar at Mississippi, you’re among furry friends.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel has a new mailbag. Would it be so bad if Stew and the guy who answers the Penthouse Letters switched letters for a week? Probably.

• The Pac-10 is discussing possible locations for a title game. The clubhouse leaders are probably Glendale, AZ and San Diego, but remember, never sleep on the Lehigh Valley.

Today’s Video of the Day is pure fluff. Fluff.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDWMG9_lxPU

Enjoy your Thursday.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FrQLvw0giw

At some point, these will be posted in a more timely manner, but hey, they’re free. This week, as always, I look at last weekend’s action, clown around a bit, and record at too high a resolution for my computer to handle. You just wait until 2013 when I get this all figured out!

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Kaitlin Olson, former Stewart Mandel mailbag crush, star of the (soon to be returning) It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and most importantly, Oregon fan. Also, no way she believes the new Masoli information below.

*****

• Reggie Bush is giving back his Heisman in an effort to save face. Everybody wins – Bush moves on with his life of wealth and fame (with no further repercussions) and USC has crippling, crippling sanctions. Oh well.

• Details have emerged regarding Jeremiah Masoli‘s departure from Oregon to Ole Miss. He claims that he had decided to leave before Chip Kelly dismissed him after he happened to get pulled over for a traffic infraction and was discovered to have pot in his car. I know Masoli has a history of bending the truth, but I’m going with my gut this time, and it’s time to trust the lyingest liar of all the liars.

• The WAC is suing Fresno State and Nevada to force them to stay in the conference through the 2011-2012 season. The only way I’ll end up caring about this story as it progresses is if Pat Hill somehow ends up having to testify and wears a bolo tie. Bolo ties are awful.

• If you’re a prominent football player looking to beat the tar out of people (including an off-duty police officer) in a prolonged bar fight (and get away with it), Knoxville looks like the place to be.

• Star Purdue WR Keith Smith is, in fact, out for the season with a torn ACL/MCL.

• Pittsburgh DE Greg Romeus is having back surgery and hopes to be back for the end of the season. See what I did there with the wordplay? Take a look, you’ll get it.

• Miami has banned its players from posting on Twitter. Because it came down to Jacory Harris either spending time posting pictures of himself in overalls or watching tape to learn how to read the Ohio State defense.

Today’s Video of the Day is the best community forum video I’ve seen in quite some time. I’d say more, but somebody may be watching me (slight NSFW language near the end).

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Ty and Dan talk about Tennessee showering seminars, their “Heisman Bust” movie idea, and the big games headed into a monster weekend of college football. Plus, e-mails and a voicemail poking fun at Tom Hammond.