Ty and Dan pay homage to the loyal, downloading Verballers by putting on one of the longest episodes in the history of the show, and filling it entirely with listener questions, comments and random musings. What kind of success will Lane Kiffin have at Alabama? Who is college football’s “Tecmo Bo”? Was Brazil’s loss to Germany a soccer Clemsoning? What sites should be on a college football bucket list? All that, plus cartoony college mascots as real humans, the hottest Friends character, and gritty details from Dan’s personal life.
Marathon Men (7/11)
1:38 – Introductions: Dan talks about how much he likes Summer, specifically the 4th of July. Ty mentions that the download numbers are up an astounding 70% from last year, and he can’t really figure out why. Regardless, the guys are giving the show back to the listeners in celebration of the increase.
5:28 – Question One, from Jeremy: Will Lane Kiffin last more than a year? Both guys give an immediate yes, even if his first year isn’t stellar. “I like Lane Kiffin to last more than a year…I don’t like Lane Kiffin,” says Ty.
6:39 – Question Two, from Bill: – How many non-Power 5 conference teams will make the playoff during its 12-year contract? Bill says the over/under is 1 1/2 teams. Dan seems skeptical that any team can reach the Boise-plateau and bust the party in this day and age of teams moving to better conference, so he says under. Ty agrees and thinks money is the biggest issue.
9:07 – Question Three, from Rob: – Given the German demolition of Brazil, which college football game does that most remind you of? Ty thinks Brazil had a “Clemsoning” due to the shocking nature. Dan disagrees, since German has looked impressive the entire tournament. So he thinks it’s representative of the Florida State/Clemson game, where the Noles desomated the Tigers. PornHub gets a good shout-out.
12:05 – Question Four, from Andy: – If college football had a Tecmo Bowl game, who would be Bo Jackson? Ty has two names out of the gate: Derrick Henry, running back from Alabama, and Leonard Fournette, true freshman running back from LSU, admitting that the latter is very early. Dan goes with Keith Marshall and Todd Gurley, Georgia’s two-headed running attack, and also Melvin Gordon at Wisconsin. Both guys seem very hesitant to compare these guys to Bo Jackson, though.
15:07 – Question Five, from Ken: – If you had to make a dish for a cooking contest, what are you making and what is your recipe? Ty says he doesn’t cook, mostly because he hates the clean-up. Dan chimes in, questioning the logic of that idea. Ty does say that he made some decent crunch asparagus with salmon but doesn’t remember the recipe, except that it had parmesan cheese. Dan again makes fun of Ty and says he loves making flank steak, cooked with soy sauce. “It penetrates, Ty.”
19:10 – Question Six, from Jake: – What would a situation be like where coaches like Urban Meyer, Nick Saban, and Kevin Sumlin all decided to leave their current programs at the same time? Dan immediately makes fun of the listener for mentioning Sumlin in the same sentence as Meyer and Saban. He thinks it’d be like The Purge where everyone were released at the same time. He thinks Dantonio, Fisher and Swinney might make that interesting too. They finish off the question by agreeing on the absurdity of horror movies.
21:38 – Question Seven, from Steven: – Nothing can last forever, not even the SEC’s dominance. If any conference would rise up to take the SEC’s place, which conference would it be? Dan thinks the Pac 12 is the obvious choice, especially due to their young coaches. The Big Ten would be another, since there are more than a couple teams ready to leap to the spotlight. Ty thinks it’s a very easy question, and agrees that it’s clearly the Pac 12. But he adds that there’s no reason to think the SEC will fall from the top since those schools recruit better, as a whole, than any other conference. Both guys think high-school players like picking colleges that match the climate of their high-schools. (Editor’s note: Nate Silver should pull some data to study this)
29:07 – Question Eight: What sandwich/food feax pas makes Dan go full Will Muschamp? Ty tells Dan that the Solid Fiance agrees with Dan, that ketchup’s not a proper hot dog sauce. Dan likens it to a children’s thing, as it only exists to convince them to eat meat. He gets grossed out when people can’t hold and eat food. They should be able to handle their food, he says, and cut it and not spill it everywhere. Ty asks if Dan has comitted a food crime and he says that he was cutting food with the wrong hand for years. He also mentions having a terrible diet through college. They then move the discussion to sauces and the two mention their frustration with picky eating.
34:30 – Question Nine, from Bizarro Tyler: What are some of Dan’s most embarassing moments as SI’s Tour Guy? The two go back and reveal how they met and where the podcast gets its roots. Dan says he has a framed copy of a Playboy magazine he appeared in, but he’s not embarassed about it. He had a girlfriend the whole time, so “seduction” was not a goal, even though he had opportunities. After being asked by Ty, he tells the story of meeting Shaquille O’Neal, notable basketball player. Ty presents an additional question to Dan: When forced to take your shirt off, was there an “Oh, crap” moment?
39:15 – Question Ten, from Jesse: What should be on her college football bucket list? Ty thinks Athens, Georgia is “heaven on Earth.” He thinks the USC/Notre Dame game is great when both teams are highly ranked, but Dan yawned through this answer. Other mentions from Ty: Beaver Stadium and Michigan Stadium. Dan takes this opportunity to construct his favorite college town with parts of different places, like the food of Austin, Texas. Dan’s picks also include Madison, Wisconsin; Baton Rouge, Louisiana; Knoxville, Tennessee; Seattle, Washington; Eugene, Oregon; the Army/Navy game and the specific image of the sun setting on the Rose Bowl.
43:06 – Question Eleven, from Bedo: What are the chances Washington makes it to the Pac 12 title game? The two go over the Huskies away schedule, including going to Tuscon, but admit that most of their big games are at home. Dan thinks the team is a B+, if Cyler Miles is eligible. He thinks they’ll improve but they’re transitioning, with a new coach and system, so it won’t be this year.
44:49 – Question Twelve, from Andy: Does Ty air on the side of tradition or does he like Oregon’s radical approach to uniforms? Dan gets super defensive at the start and says he likes the Alabamas and Texas programs that keep it traditional but he really likes the schools that don’t care about that. Ty thinks that some schools go overboard but he prefers an alternate black jersey. He does say he liked Boise State’s storm trooper look and the asymmetry of their helmets. All that being said, he prefers the traditional look.
47:11 – Question Thirteen, from Eddie: Is it proper to “auto-nope” a match on Tinder based on a person’s college football team preference? Dan admits he doesn’t really use those services but is all for online dating services. He says he’s outgoing so he doesn’t need them but he could definitely do without people trying to set him up all the time. To answer the question, Ty thinks people should allow picks to come through and use that college difference as a way to open the conversation with flirty trash talk. “Get that blood boiling,” says Dan.
51:13 – Question Fourteen, from Rob: What’s the over/under on Notre Dame wins this season? Does the number change if Everett Gollson lights it up? Ty goes through Notre Dame’s schedule, assigning wins, losses, and potentials and thinks it’s around 8 1/2. Dan agrees and then brings up the Pinstripe Bowl to taunt his co-host.
52:30 – Question Fifteen, from Ken: Not that long ago, talk was rampant of a 16-team conference but not anymore, so why the change? Ty says it died because the Big 12 held it together and didn’t break up. Dan asks which teams could conceivably move up from a smaller conference? Boise and BYU could but no one wants the former and the latter likes being independent, at least for now. Ty expands on the Big 12 comment and says financial instability would be necessary for big change.
55:09 – Question Sixteen, from Nick: Who was your crush from Friends? Ty says Rachel is the “low-hanging fruit” but admits Monica’s appeal. Dan says Monica because of Courteney Cox’s appearance in Ace Venture: Pet Detective. The two then discuss their childhood TV crushes, like Step by Step and Married with Children.
58:39 – Question Seventeen, from Josh: Which team is the biggest dark horse to play and win the playoff this year? Dan likes Clemson and Ty says, “Alright, you take Clemson and I”ll take anyone else.” Dan defends his pick by saying the defense will be as good as ever and recruiting as been consistent.
57:48 – Question Eighteen, from Mike: Will the Patriot League lightning round be returning? Both guys give an immediate yes. Also, what’s preventing Dan from getting his own Solid Fiance? Dan says he was with someone for a long time and doesn’t want to waste anyone’s time. Ty thinks all the women he dated before the fiance were “horrible, horrible people.”
1:00:05 – Question Nineteen, from Brandon: As a Penn State fan from Maryland, how will Maryland do as a new member of the Big Ten? Will they compete for a conference title in 5-7 years? Ty thinks they’re on the rise but it’ll be a slow burn. He says 8-4 is a good goal for their current season. Dan mostly agrees and says they’ll elevate the Big Ten basketball scene. It’ll be tough in recruiting to match the Ohio States, Michigans and Michigan States, though.
1:02:36 – Question Twenty, from Erin: In planning an Oklahoma tailgate, what food should be included, specifically for the West Virginia game? Dan says that hot dogs and hamburgers are always fine but if you’re planing way ahead of time you should probably expand your horizons. He says that USC brings a Mexican touch with a lot of carne asada, since it’s easy to cook. Ty adds nothing to the suggestions but does mention that it all depends on your facilities, like the grill you’re bringing.
1:05:08 – Question Twenty One, from James: What’s your average bowel movement, how many do you average a day, and what’s the longest time between movements? “I have no idea,” answers Dan. He says that drinking coffee makes him regular since it’s always a morning drink and it’s usually one per day. Ty shifts the conversation to office bathroom etiquette and says it’s worthy of its own podcast.
1:07:55 – Question Twenty Two, from MW Faith: Is there a program that can lay claim for having the best running back depth in the country? They both agree that Georgia has the most proven depth, but Wisconsin with Gordon, Alabama with Henry and Yeldon and Oregon with Tyner and Marshall are all good. When healthy and a good o-line, Texas could be formidable too.
1:09:15 – Question Twenty Three, from Solious: What’s your stance on mascots? Do you prefer a student dressing up, Chuckie Cheese style costumes, or live mascots? Dan prefers the live animal, and specifically calls out UGA, Mike the Tiger, and the eagle at Auburn, but he likes costumes that have a hook, like the Oregon Duck fighting everyone else. Ty prefers the costume then the live animal right behind it. They both shun the idea of a person dressing up, like Notre Dame’s leprechaun and West Virginia’s Mountaineer.
1:13:35 – Question Twenty Four, from Derrick: Now that Johnny Manziel has left college football, who will take over the role as rock star of the sport? Ty thinks you need to go quarterback, since they get all the love, and they can’t be shy, like Marcus Mariota. His
pick is Christian Hackenberg, since he has “super human good looks.” Dan thinks it could be Matty Mauk, but Ty says his being at Mizzou
doesn’t help him out.
1:15:10 – Question Twenty Five, from Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN): What’s the drunkest Dan’s ever gotten and has it been covered before on the podcast? Dan says it was in New Orleans last year with some friends. He had a lot of hurricane-like drinks called Monsoons that are dangerous because they don’t taste like alcohol. He also mentions last Christmas Eve when he had five Old Fashioneds and he didn’t realize how much it killed him. Ty also had an “incident” in New Orleans that included a few Hurricanes, a bachelor party, and a fooled bouncer.
The guys close the show by thanking everyone for their support, teasing even more questions to come and going over the details of the Secret Verbal.