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Three for the Show: The Highlights

Earlier today, I finished watching my DVR’d copy of Three for the Show (Pt 1), ESPN‘s latest Year of the Quarterback installment, and it was quite good. And yes, I mean that on every conceivable level. These are my insta-reactions (in no particular order) to the behind-the-scenes look at Cam Newton, Jake Locker, and Tyrod Taylor and their magical journey to the NFL Draft:

*****

• Newton puts extra marshmallows in his Lucky Charms, and not the tiny ones either — giant pink ones, just because. Maybe we should go ahead and get started on an egg white and fruit regimen just in case the worst happens and he uses his enormous contract to buy bigger marshmallows and bigger bowls.

• Locker’s family has camo jackets, no matter the situation or function. You need to blend in with nature? They’ve got you covered.

• Taylor is a quarterback. Got it? You sure? He’s a quarterback.

• Watching Cecil Newton is uncomfortable. Even if we hadn’t collectively met Cecil in the unfortunate manner we did, he’s still a little off-putting. Add the solicitation and it becomes a bit torturous. Good TV, though.

• The best part of Tyrod Taylor’s segments was the audio from the Orange Bowl when he and Jim Harbaugh politely yelled at each other after Taylor’s ridiculous spin pass:

Taylor: “WAS I IN?”

Harbaugh: “YOU WERE IN!!!”

Well then.

• Locker couldn’t open his eyes after a scary hit in the Holiday Bowl. And then he was told his helmet was just over his eyes. Whoops.

• Locker is a drop-back traditional quarterback, only almost all of the plays and highlight plays were of him running the ball. Confusing.

• Taylor and Newton are being filmed in 2011, but Locker’s footage is all from last fall. Lost ended awhile ago, but I think this has something to do with the flashes and sideways world, right?

• I’ve witnessed others do it, particularly in the Pacific Northwest, but it’s always fun to see a Locker family friend (who doesn’t look entirely unlike Captain Kangaroo) give a passionate speech about how great Jake Locker and his family are before leading everyone in novelty peach schnapps shots.

• They sure do seem to watch a lot of ESPN on ESPN documentaries.

• Cam Newton just went into the third person. He’s trapped. It just keeps on going. Oh no, he just bought property in Thirdperson Hills and will eventually retire to Thirdperson Bay.

• Tyrod Taylor has stats that are better than, the same as, or nearly as good as everyone other comparable QB. Got that?

Chris Mortensen was made fun of because he had the audacity to ask about halftime adjustments. Football people are so great.

• Cecil Newton got very close to calling Todd McShay a “sumbitch.” I kind of wish he had.

• Other than basking in a beautiful San Diego beach house and giving his dad a Rolex he was given at the Davey O’Brien Award ceremony, the Newtons did a wonderful job of separating themselves from all things money.

Steve Sarkisian is enthusiastic, loves Jake Locker, and probably doesn’t blink. Not in the sense that he has steely confidence, but more that he has malfunctioning face muscles.

• The scene in San Diego is more entertaining when you imagine Trent Dilfer‘s microphone connected to nothing and the camera he’s staring into is made of foam. It’s all just a ruse for somebody’s sick pleasure. If you still have it on your DVR, go back and watch, you’ll thank me later.

• I don’t trust Virginia Tech’s QB coach. Just something about him.

• The stats that Tyrod Taylor’s agent held up looked thrown together in somebody’s first Excel tutorial. That somebody was very excited to add background color.

Bruce Feldman makes a cameo! He seems to be humoring Trent Dilfer. It’s the right move, Bruce. It’s the right move.

• I didn’t instantly recognize any of the framed jerseys on the wall of Tyrod Taylor’s training facility, but I was openly hoping to see a Raiders jersey with the word “Russell” printed atop the back.

• As always, a quality cameo from the horrible post-halftime Holiday Bowl firework smoke added nice texture to the game footage.

• Somebody thought Tyrod Taylor would be more interesting than he actually appears to be on camera. Let’s hope it was just a lack of footage.

*****

Ultimately, all three of these guys are likable and charismatic to varying degrees. Hopefully, the mini-series helps soften me on Jake Locker finishing second to last in both Pac-10 QB rating and yards per attempt (without playing the conference’s #1 pass defense). Hopefully.

I will watch again and write again. The next part airs Monday night.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ALv1oz6NNw